


Ocean Blvd

by WithywindlesDaughter



Series: Ocean's Blvd [1]
Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: All foul things, And cute fluffiness, Angst later!, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Big Sister Eowyn, Bilbo sets a splendid table, Chance Meeting, Cupid Ori, Delivery Boy Kili, Don't get Gloin and Thranduil in the same room together, Drag Queens, Dreadlock Gimli, Easter Eggs, Exotic Dancer Legolas, Family, Fili takes matters into his own hand, Finally, First Times, Fluff now!, Gay Pride, Gay Pride Day, Hospitalization, Hurt, I REGRET NOTHING, I see sex on the horizon, Kissing, Lingerie wearing Kili, Love, M/M, Making Love, Mama Dis, Marriage, Mental Instability, Modern AU, Ori's ring, Panic Attacks, Phobias, Photographer Fili, Rape Aftermath, Rape/Non-con Elements, Reconciliation, Role Playing, Secret kink, Smut, Spanking, Thunder and Lightning, Who knew?, allegidly, but Lauren, but it will be totally worth it i promise, consider it an investment in future smut, cross dressing, don't hurt me, eventually, kings of trivia, more easter eggs, naughty schoolgirl, not now - Freeform, not that i have room to say anything about it, possible use of certian non-prescribed plants which may or may not be legal in California, safe words
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-10
Updated: 2014-12-09
Packaged: 2018-01-08 05:03:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 15
Words: 45,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1128652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WithywindlesDaughter/pseuds/WithywindlesDaughter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Photographer Fili Durin falls head-over-heels for the new delivery boy Kili Oaks.  Can they survive the dark secrets of Kili's past or will they be parted forever.  </p><p>Bwa-ha-ha!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. "You're Late"

**Author's Note:**

> Long Beach California is a real place, both near and dear to my heart. It also seemed an ideal (and colorful!) backdrop to the story of chance romance, exploration, kink and secrets. Starts fluffy.

 

 

 

**_“You’re Late”_ **

****

****

 

 

Fili Durin heard a knock at the wooden side door of his garage-turned-studio as he hefted an old milk crate full of extension cords and serge protectors across the concrete floor.  He called out _“Come in, you’re late!”_ without bothering to look over his shoulder.  He was irritated, the model from the art school was hours late and he wouldn’t have a lot of time to do make up or set the lighting. 

 _“Um, I’m sorry.  You’re the last delivery on my list.”_ The voice came from behind him and he looked up only to utterly fall into a pair of dark amber eyes framed by a mop of unruly dark hair.  _“Oh…”_

They stared at each other until Fili blinked.  “Fuck, I mean, I’m sorry!  I thought you were the person I was supposed to be shooting today but it looks like they’re a no-show and I’m being really rude, um, I’m Fili.”  He held out his hand as a hot blush made its way up his face.

The other started to laugh so gently and the sound made Fili smile like an idiot.  “Kili,” the brunet replied, taking the handshake.  He was tall and slender wearing an old, long-sleeved t-shirt and skinny jeans.  “I think this is yours.”  He offered the delivery package of food.

“Yeah, thanks,” Fili reached forward to grab it and pulled the tip from the pocket of his jeans.  “You’re not their regular delivery guy.”

“I’m new, just started.”  Kili pocketed the tip without looking away from the blue eyes in front of him.  Blue, like the new sky.  “Thanks.”

 _“You certainly are,”_ Fili thought as his brain scrambled to find something to say so the other would not walk out the door.  “Hey, would you, um,” he motioned with his head towards the work table.  “I ordered enough for two but my model stood me up.  Care to join me?”

The brunet shifted a moment as if working something out in his head, then nodded.  “Yeah, sure.  Why not?”  They sat at the work table, Fili shoving equipment aside to make room and pulled a couple of cold beers from the mini, all thoughts of the photo shoot abandoned.  Kili looked around at the refurbished space, white walls, screens and lights.  There was equipment racked up on one side and even an area for hair and make-up.  “So, you work here?” he began, not wanting to ask the obvious question.

“Mostly editorial,” Fili replied between bites of delicious chicken.  _Bombur’s_ produced amazing Italian food.  “It pays the bills.  I also do portrait work for the local DQs and I was supposed to be working on my exhibit but it looks like my last model ditched me.”

“DQs?”  Kili hesitated, a fork full of lasagna halfway to his mouth. 

“Drag Queens,” Fili answered.  “The reining royalty of Long Beach Pride.”

Kili laughed.  “Where I come from DQ is the Dairy Queen.  I couldn’t understand why you were taking pictures of ice cream stands!”

Fili snorted, beer almost coming through his nose.  “Oh, man!  If I told them that they’d hand me my nuts in a sack!”

“I don’t know,” Kili suggested.  “Maybe that would be an awesome theme for the parade – DQs on an ice cream float!”

Fili was wheezing at this point, mostly because he _could_ see it happening, the grand and outrageous Queens on an ice cream themed float rolling down the boulevard.  “Oh, that’s rich!  I’m going to suggest that to them.”  They ate and chatted and laughed.  Kili had just relocated to the beach-side city to go to college to become a family therapist.  His mother was still home in Oregon.  Fili had been there for years, his family in Arizona.  Like many young men they had come for the open community, although neither of them had to say that, it was just accepted.  Kili rented a room in a house with a handful of other students; Fili shared a condo on the edge of the good area with his best friend Ori. 

“You said you were working on a show.  Can I see?”

“Sure!”  Fili jumped up and grabbed a tablet off the shelf.  Most people weren’t terribly interested in his work until it actually made it up into a gallery somewhere.  His eyes twinkled as he booted up the device.  “I like to keep some copies on here for quick reference.  When I do a show it’s in large format.”  He pulled his chair over next to Kili’s and ran a nervous hand through his short blond hair.  He worked in black and white and Kili leaned in to study the details, the two of them pressing shoulders over the screen.  They talked about the themes, how Fili had carefully avoided the obvious subjects of life in an ocean-side community.  There were a lot of theater people in various incarnations, some of the DQs stripped bare of their finery and posing in their support garments and natural hair.  There were very formal portraits of people Kili did not recognize and a few he did.

“That’s Bifur,” the brunet stroked his graceful fingers over the screen.  “And Bofur and Bombur.  How did you get them to do it?” 

“I’ve been one of their best customers for years,” Fili tapped a folder to pop it open.  “And I did the portraits for an article _The Times_ ran on the head injury recovery program here at the hospital.  Bifur volunteered to be the subject.”  They sat silent a moment looking at the image of the three brothers; Bifur’s eyes so keenly aware and looking straight at the camera. 

Fili tapped the screen again.  “This is my best friend, Ori,” he indicated a very young looking man with dark hair and an impish smile.  “He writes for the local paper as well as a bunch of magazines.  We team up a lot on jobs.  You’d like him.”

“I like this one,” Kili tapped the screen.

“Ah, no,” Fili laughed, looking at his own portrait.  The compact blond was seated cross-legged on the floor of his studio, relaxed and smiling a dimpled smile at someone off to the side of the camera.

“Yah, you look good,” the brunet laughed with him.  “I never looked that good in front of the camera.”

“You’re kidding me, the camera would love you!”  Fili leaned back and squinted at him.

“No, it’s awful.  I was in theater all through school and in every cast photo I ended up looking like the biggest dork!”  He was blushing now, the heat in his face turning his olive complexion rosy. 

“Let me take your picture with my lighting and equipment and I’ll show you the difference,” Fili urged, suddenly eager.

“Um, I don’t know,” Kili hesitated, running his thumb over the beautiful portraits.  It suddenly became very important for this man to not see him as the awkward adolescent he had been. 

“Com’on,” Fili stood up and trotted over to his make-up table and switched on the lights.  “My model stood me up.  Everything’s ready to go.”  No theater person can resist the lure of the table and Kili found himself seated in front of the mirror with a wedge-shaped sponge in his hand patting on foundation.  He had to work around his dark stubble, Fili laughing when he dusted powder off of his whiskers and then stopped him from drawing on eye-liner.  “You don’t need it.”

“Yes I do.  My eyes will disappear.”

“Trust me, not at all.”

 Finally Fili got him seated on a small stool in front of the white backdrop and adjusted the lights.  “Just relax.  I’m going to drop the backlight a little and shift the side down so you don’t wash out so much.”  He spoke quietly as he worked, putting his subject at ease.  “Let me check the screen,” he stepped over to check the image on the computer monitor, slipping the cable into his palm.  “I have some vintage equipment that I get amazing results from but it’s a lot more work.  I already had this rig set-up.”  He squeezed the switch and a light to Kili’s right went on and off.

“Wait, did you just take it?”  He was startled, not ready for it to happen.

“Oh, that was just a test,” Fili waved him off.  “Sit up a little and look into the camera.  No, don’t smile.  It makes your eyes all squinty.”

The light flashed again.  “You are taking them,” Kili laughed.

Fili checked the monitor again and smiled.  “Just relax.  Nothing big, I promise.  Looks great.”

“I want to see.”

“Hold on, one more.”

“Ok but warn me before you do it.”

“Oops!”

“Ok, done.  I want to see!”  Kili jumped off the stool and darted around the table to look at the monitor.  “What do they look like?”

Fili clicked the mouse a few times and brought all three images to the screen at the same time, Kili leaning in over his shoulder.  _“Oh…”_

“See?” Fili offered.  “The camera loves you.”  He was surprised by silence from the chatty brunet.  Did he not like the pictures? 

Kili was staring at the screen as if he didn’t recognize himself.  _Is that what I look like?_ He licked his lips.  “I like them.  I just…”

“Would you like them?  I can email them to you.”

Kili nodded.  “I want my Mom to see them.”

“Ok, give me your email address and I’ll send them to you.  I think she’ll like them.”

They sat and played with the software on Fili’s computer, making each other laugh until Kili said he had school in the morning.  “This was fun,” Fili told him.  “We should do it again.”

Kili smiled.  “Yeah, it was.”  They exchanged numbers and Kili waved back over his shoulder as he walked down to his little car parked on the street.  “Thanks for dinner!”  Fili shoved his hands in his pockets and watched him drive off.  Then he darted back inside and sent one more email – the picture of himself sitting on the garage floor that Kili had liked so much.  Turning on Pandora he cleaned up the studio and wondered at what an amazing day this had turned out to be.  In the background Jimi Hendrix played softly.

****

_Angel came down from heaven yesterday_   
_She stayed with me just long enough for afternoon tea_   
_And she told me a story yesterday,_   
_About the love between the moon and the deep blue sea_

_And when it was time for her to go she spread her wings high over me_   
_And she said, “I shall return tomorrow.” *_


	2. “Trivial Matters”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Some things are hard to say._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's one step forward and two steps back as the boys dance around each other.

 

 

 

 

**_“Trivial Matters”_ **

****

****

“Bombur, you got the address on this last take-away wrong,” Kili called from the kitchen window, the slip of paper in his hand.

“No I didn’t,” the chef called back, plating an order of pasta with mushrooms, chicken and artichoke hearts drizzled in vodka sauce.  “It’s on the slip.”

“But the slip just reads this address.  The restaurant.  Not the place where it’s going.”  Kili was impatient to get the last delivery done so he could have the rest of the weekend to himself.  He had homework to catch up on and Fili had texted and asked if he wanted to come watch his team at something called _King Trivia._

“I know what I wrote,” Bombur pushed a tray with warm bread, mozzarella salad appetizer, small plates and water glasses into his hands.  “Here, help me serve.”

“But I.. wait… fine!”  Kili followed him out onto the floor of the dining room.  It was late and most of the tables were occupied by couples deep in conversation.  Kili wasn’t dressed for serving but Bombur did things his own way.  He followed the large, white jacket to an out-of-the-way table tucked into a discreet corner and almost dropped his tray when he saw a pair of blue eyes twinkling up at him.  “Hey!” he spluttered.   _Graceful._

“Hey,” Fili stood up to help him with the tray.  “Have a seat.  I hope you don’t mind I ordered for you.  Bombur said you liked the vodka chicken.”

“Oh, I love it! Wait, is this my last delivery?” Kili laughed as Bombur steered him into a chair with a wink.

“Un, yeah,” Fili admitted as he spooned the appetizer onto the small plates.  “I was hoping to catch you before you headed home.”

Kili speared a bite of yellow tomato together with a slice of mozzarella and popped it into his mouth.  The basil was fresh in the olive oil and the combination was amazing.  “Mmmm…. So good!  Thank you!”  They laughed and chatted and talked about their day.  Bombur even sent over a bottle of very suitable wine for his best delivery boy and his date.  Fili realized that he really enjoyed watching the younger man eat.  He had never been able to eat pasta with any kind of grace, no matter how much he enjoyed it.  As it was he had ordered a baked ziti thinking it the safest option for not getting it all over himself. 

“Here, try this,” Kili interrupted his thoughts with a fork-full of chicken.  “So tell me about this King Trivia stuff.”

Fili took a sip of his wine to wash down the chicken.  “I’m in a league.  My team’s based here at _Bombur’s_ and every Saturday we meet to drink heavily and challenge the Quizmaster – who in this case happens to be Bofur – and try to beat out the other team’s scores.  Right now we’re twenty-fifth in the rankings!” he said proudly.

“So it’s like Trivial Pursuit?” Kili asked, eyebrows raised.

“No! Not at all!” the blond proclaimed grandly.  “This is a competitive team sport!  Highly dangerous and those who live come away covered in glory.  Besides, we get to display our team name on the King Trivia website.”

Kili picked up his glass.  “And what is the team name?”

 _“The Long Coxmen,”_ Fili replied with a completely straight face.

Kili managed to inhale a mouthful of wine and very nearly spit it across the table.  “That’s your team name?” he choked. 

“That’s tame compared to some of the others.  Besides, we wanted a connection to Long Beach and to the water…”  He took a quick sip of wine.

“Oh, I see!” Kili laughed.  “I may have to look that up.”

“Well if you do I pull an eight-man stroke.”  Fili wiggled impishly in his seat at the look on Kili’s face. 

Kili pulled out his phone and tapped the screen, unable to stand it any longer.  “That’s… quite a long boat!” he looked at Fili with raised eyebrows.

“It’s a gift.”

“Oh, really?”

“Well, yeah – not everyone has the strength and stamina to handle a vessel that large you know!”  Kili surrendered and hung his head, laughing, a heated blush creeping over his cheeks. 

They spent the rest of the meal talking about where they came from and their families.  “I spent all of high school worrying someone was going to find out.”  Kili broke a warm, crusty roll open and buttered it.  “But I was in musical theater and drama and everyone there’s pretty fluid anyway so I kinda blended-in.”

“You sing and dance?”  Fili poured another glass of wine for both of them.

“I sing well for a dancer,” Kili tipped his glass up.  “But I do dance pretty well.  I give lessons at a studio one day a week.  Mostly couples who want to dance at their weddings, that kind of thing.”

“Really?  Maybe I need to come take lessons.”

Kili laughed.  “I finally came out to my Mom the day after graduation.”

“How’d she take it?”

“She said she knew.  She knew, my sister knew, my uncles knew, everyone knew.  They were just waiting for me to say something about it.”

“Oh, man!  You got off easy!”

“I sweated bullets over it!  I was so worried she’d be disappointed in me.  Turns out she just wants one of us to pop-out grandchildren.” 

“So why all this way from home?  No community up north?”

“I tried the bay area; didn’t work out but I didn’t want to go home.  Came down here for a weekend with some friends and never went back.  Things are just a lot more relaxed.  How about you?”

Fili drained his wine glass and poured another.  “Not so much to tell.  I grew up in Arizona with my parents and my brothers.  My oldest brother caught me making out with another boy when I was seventeen.  Gave me a black eye and told my parents.”

“Ouch!  Not exactly the way you’d want to come out.”

“I never meant to come out to them at all.  My parents are very conservative, church-going people.  It hurt them a lot.  My Mom felt guilty, like she had done something wrong to make me that way.  To my Dad I became his gay son, like I wasn’t quite part of the picture anymore.  They love me, don’t get me wrong, but it’s a _love the sinner not the sin_ kind of thing.  One of the other families in our church sent their son away for conversion therapy that summer and my parents started looking into it.  I left Arizona as soon as I turned eighteen and migrated around California until I landed here.”

 _“Crap!”_ Kili spluttered.  “I mean, I’m sorry.  That really sucks!”

“It is what it is,” Fili replied.  “I built houses for a living, took up martial arts, started taking my photography seriously.  Besides, I live in a beautiful place and have friends.  I’ve got _almost_ everything I want.  Not so bad.”

Kili felt himself blushing and didn’t know why.  He was rescued when Bombur delivered two plates of panforte dusted with powdered sugar and drizzled with a brandy glaze.  Kili took a bite.  _“Mmmm… this is so good!  What?!”_

Fili laughed.  “You look like a kitten!”

“What?!”

“You’ve got powdered sugar on your nose.”  Fili reached across with his napkin and wiped the brunet’s face gently.  He thought it was cute, the way the younger man looked down whenever he blushed and the way his face lit up with he laughed.  “Better.”

After dinner was finished and the plates returned to the kitchen and the lights turned down they walked out to the parking lot to say goodnight.  Kili wrapped his coat around him against the cold.  “This was nice, thank you.” 

“I owe Bombur one for putting it together,” Fili smiled, hands in his pockets.  “You ok to drive home?”

Kili leaned back against his car.  “Yeah, I think the food offset the wine.  You?”

“I’m good.”  They had come to that awkward _goodnight_ moment when it was either kiss or go home.  Fili wasn’t sure if it was okay to try.  This wasn’t a hook-up.  He really liked this man.  A lot.  And he didn’t want to come off as an ass.  He also didn’t want to seem disinterested.

“So, um, tomorrow?” Kili broke the silence.

“Oh, yeah.  9pm, here in the bar.  You can come a little early and meet everyone.”

“Yeah, I’d like that.  Well…” Kili turned to unlock his car.  A gentle hand on his arm stopped him.

 _“Hey,”_ Fili said softly, standing close to him.

_“Hey.”_

Fili leaned in an planted a soft kiss on his lips, just a whisper of wine and powdered sugar.  “See you tomorrow.”

“Okay.”

Fili turned and jogged towards his suv.  “Text me so I know you got home ok!”

Kili waved, slid into his car and turned the key.  A spot on his forearm ached and he rubbed it thoughtfully.  _“This is a good thing,”_ he whispered to himself, savoring the taste of powdered sugar on his lips.  _“A very good thing.”_

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 _King Trivia Night_ was a big draw at _Bombur’s_ , people squeezing into the bar for the event and then filtering out into the restaurant proper afterwards.  On summer nights they moved out onto the patio, tonight however they crowded into the warmth inside.  Kili already knew Bombur’s brother Bofur who served as Quiz Master.  He crewed a tugboat at the port and sported shaggy brown hair and one of the most outrageous mustaches Kili had ever seen.  Fili’s roommate Ori was there dressed in a team bowling shirt, the team sporting the _Long Coxmen_ logo embroidered across their backs. 

“It’s so nice to meet you,” Ori spoke politely, only raising his voice enough to be heard above the excited chatter.  “You’re all he’s talked about for the past week!”

“Oh, well, I…” Fili stammered, rubbing a hand across the back of his neck.

“Really?” Kili asked.  “Tell me more!”

Fili turned bright red.  “Hey!  There’s Bofur.  We’re about to start.”

Kili and Ori burst out into a spontaneous fit of giggling at each other and Kili decided right away that he liked the smaller man with his retro 50’s haircut and dark-rimmed glasses.  “Break a leg!”

“Ladies and gentlemen!  May I have your attention!”  Bofur had gotten himself up on top of the bar to start the round.  He was wearing grey cargo pants, an old and very worn pair of boots and a faded _Sass-Master_ t-shirt covered by a flannel plaid shirt..  “ _Welcome to King Trivia Night at Bombur’s!_ “  The crowd cheered and clapped in response.  Kili wasn’t entirely sure of the rules, but alcohol seemed to play an important part.  “Now you all know the rules!  No shouting out of the answers, no throwing things at the Quiz Master – that would be my own self, and no phones, tablets or anything else that might be used to cheat on the answers.  All answers must come from the team and the decision of the Quiz Master is final.”

The team raised their beers in salute and Kili laughed and applauded with the rest of the crowd.  “The first question is:  Actress Cate Blanchette was in a series of commercials for this Australian cookie.  What is the name of the cookie?”

Kili bit his lip.  How was the team supposed to know the answer to a question like that?  He stood on tiptoe to watch the team huddle together, their head’s bowed in conversation.  It was a difficult question to start off with.  Finally, Ori raised his head and answered, _“Tin-Tin!”_

A few of the onlookers sucked in their breaths.  Bofur looked long at the answer card and announced, “Incorrect!  The answer is Tin- _Tam!_   A crunchy, chocolate-covered wafer with crème filling and a chocolate coating, while Tin-Tin is a fictional boy!”

There was plenty of laughter and back-patting and Kili realized that this was a lot more difficult than he thought it would be.  “The next question:  In the cartoon show _Scooby-Doo_ , what is Shaggy’s real name?”

Fili began bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet.  “I know this!  I know this!  _Norville Rogers!”_

Bofur studied the answer card.  _“That is correct!  A point to the Long Coxmen!”_   The bar erupted in cheering.  The rest of the round went quickly with the team racking-up a fair number of points.  Despite his early slip Ori turned out to be quite the font of obscure trivia and the round ended in a round of cheers for the Quiz Master.  Fili made his way to the place where Kili was standing waiting for him.  “What did you think?”

“I think it’s great!”  Kili hadn’t felt this relaxed and happy in a long time.  The crowd was jovial and full of good cheer.  Bombur was especially happy at the amount of business he was doing and Fili was smiling at him with a silly grin on his face.  They took a table in the bar and people making their way past offered them congratulations on the round and pats on the back.  Fili slid an arm around Kili’s waist and the younger man leaned into him while they chatted with Ori.

“I’m a freelance copywriter,” Ori told him.  “I do a lot of web copy and articles for the local publishers.  Fili’s cousin is a restaurant critic and travels to Europe all the time.  I’d love to have that gig!”

“Really?” Kili turned to Fili.  “Do you ever get to go with him?”

“I have.  We went to Italy, Paris, Spain.  He goes there to learn about food and then comes back and tells everyone they’re doing it wrong.  I think he’s in London right now.”

“That’s amazing.  I’ve never been anywhere.”

Fili tilted his head down to look at him.  “We could go.  Take a short trip over.  I could talk to him when he comes back.”  Kili didn’t answer, just lowered his head and blushed but at least he smiled.

“So, Kili,” Ori chirped.  “Are you going to model for Fili’s exhibit?”

“Oh, ah I don’t, um…”

Fili shot his meddling roommate a look.  “Actually the camera loves him but I didn’t know if he was comfortable sitting for me.”

“I could if you still need someone.  I mean, I’ve never modeled or anything but I wouldn’t mind,” Kili answered softly.  Fili winced as Ori’s foot nudged sharply into his ankle.  “I’d be thrilled if you would.  We could do it the next day you have free.”

“See?  That wasn’t so bad!” Ori commented. 

 

 

Later outside Kili asked a question he had been wondering about most of the evening.  “How come Ori didn’t have anyone here with him tonight?  I noticed he’s wearing a ring…”

“It’s complicated, he doesn’t usually talk about it,” Fili answered, guiding him towards their cars.  “He’ll tell you all about it when he’s ready.  It’s hard to talk about.”

“Ok.”  Kili could accept that.  It had been such a wonderful evening and he had made new friends and Fili’s hand felt really good in his with their fingers laced together and the warmth of him so closed kept the damp night at bay.  Kili looked at the ground and smiled.

Fili stopped, leaning up against his grey suv and tugged Kili’s hand to come closer.  _“So…”_

 _“So…”_ Kili blushed and looked at his feet, unable to stop the smile that was curling the corners of his mouth.  Fili was tilting his head to look at him with those blue eyes and his smile brought those easy dimples out and then they were kissing and Kili forgot all about the clouds that blocked the stars from his view and Fili was very warm and touching him gently and those touches felt good and something opened up between them, something that was heat and want and need and all Kili could be aware of now was of lips and tongue and strong arms gently holding him and the feel of another’s impassioned breath upon his face and it wasn’t until rain began to drop down upon them that they realized the storm had broken above.

Kili looked up.  “It’s raining.”

“Would you like to move this back to my place?” Fili offered.  “I have it on good authority we’ll have it all to ourselves.”

Light flickered through the clouds above them, illuminating the obscuration of the heavens, followed by a sudden clap of thunder.  Fili saw his companion wince as if had been struck.  “Hey, it’s just the storm, ok?”

“I’m sorry,” Kili mumbled.  “I have to go.”

Fili bit his lip.  Did he do something wrong?  He felt the other man slip from his arms.  “Ok.  You can text me.  Call me if you want to talk.”

Kili wrapped his arms around himself, looking around the parking lot as if they were suddenly in danger.  Fili reached into the back seat of his suv and grabbed his leather jacket, wrapping it around the other’s shoulders.  “Here, you can bring it back to me the next time you come over, ok?”

Kili nodded.  “Thank you.”  He hesitated then turned and unlocked his car.  Fili didn’t miss the way he checked the back seat before getting in.  “Thank you,” he said again.  “Can I call you tonight?”

“Of course you can.  As soon as you get home.”  He would have said they could wait it out at the condo but he could see that Kili was genuinely upset.  Fili watched as Kili pulled out of the parking lot and sped down the street.  Looking around in the near darkness he wondered what had startled Kili so much.  The lights were still on at _Bombur’s_ , the last patrons filing out to their cars; other than the thunder and lightning there wasn’t anything unusual.  But the way Kili had checked his back seat…  Jumping into his vehicle he hurried home, plugged his phone into the charger and placed it on his bedside table to wait.

 

 

 

 

When Kili got back to the house he pulled up to the curb and waited a little before getting out.  Entering the house he was relieved to see two of his roommates watching tv in the living room and waved as he went upstairs.  He had deliberately picked a room on the upper floor when looking for a rental.  He went to the bathroom and then into his room, checking the closet and wedging his chair up under the door before turning the light out.  He stood at the window and peered through the blinds for a long time.  _“There’s nothing there,”_ he told himself. _“You should have gone to the condo.”_   But that thought opened a whole new door of discomfort for him so he climbed into the big futon on one side of the room without getting undressed.  He plugged his phone into the charger and put one hand on the leather jacket next to him.

 

 

 

 

Fili lay on his bed in the condo listening to the rain come down and replaying the evening in his mind.  It was pretty clear that Kili wasn’t as comfortable with the prospect of… well, the prospect as he was.  If Kili had only recently come out then maybe he just hadn’t had that much yet and Fili was pushing him faster than he was ready for.  But he had enjoyed himself tonight and certainly enjoyed making out in the parking lot behind _Bombur’s_ before the rain started.  The storm had spooked him, but there was obviously more to the story.  He would just have to wait for Kili to trust him with whatever it was.

The phone rang.  He pushed the button without looking at the caller id.  “Hey.”

_“Hey.”_

“You get home ok?”

_“Yeah.  I’m sorry I left like that.”_

“That’s ok.  I’m really happy that you came tonight.”

_“Me too.  I had a good time…”_

 

 

 

 

 

_In the swirling, curling storm of desire unuttered words hold fast_   
_With reptile tongue, the lightning lashes towers built to last_   
_Darkness creeps in like a thief and offers no relief_   
_Why are you shaking like a leaf_   
_Come on, come talk to me*_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> King Trivia is a real thing! http://www.kingtrivia.com/rankings.php
> 
> Kili is frightened by thunderstorms. Unfortunately this one breaks just as he's about to confront another anxiety-inducting event and it's just too much. This chapter may have been flavored by the recent uprising of Santa Ana winds here in California which always frightened me growing up. This time they blew in a window and ripped part of our neighbors roof off. 
> 
> *Come Talk To Me – Peter Gabriel  
> http://youtu.be/JRLjpXLEp1A


	3. "The Last Waltz"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kili gets to meet Gimli & Legolas. Much dancing ensues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have often wondered who the characters would be in the modern-day world. Gimli, I fear, would be much the same as in his universe of origins.
> 
> To see Legolas dancing watch this video: Applicant for POLE ART 2012 - Anastasia Shukhtorova, Russia http://youtu.be/_Vg5Upsp_dQ
> 
> To see Kili dance watch http://youtu.be/TZEckpXniWo

 

 

 

 

**_“The Last Waltz”_ **

****

****

Kili walked into the large dance studio at the rec center and waved at one of the other instructors.  There were several dance classes taught there every week, mostly middle-aged couples looking to get closer now that their kids were out doing their own thing.  It wasn’t as fun as theater but it paid and he was making friends.  Some of the couples went on to compete in amateur dance contests.  There were groups of teens that came in for jazz dance, a room for hip-hop, another for tap and in the largest room several instructors taught ballet.  He didn’t like the jazz lessons, the moms were all hoping to get their kids on competitive teams and it could be pretty harsh.  He paused to look into the ballet room.  Those dancers answered to some inner voice; that was the only way he could explain the level of dedication they had.  They would never be famous, never see money for doing it, no one around them would ever truly appreciate their art at that level, but to suggest they stop would be as to suggest forget about air.  He sighed wistfully.

“Kili,” the coordinator walked up to him with a slip of paper in her hand.

“Hey Darla,” he took the slip from her.  “What’s this?”

“You have a reservation.  Someone needs to dance at a wedding.”  She smiled at him fondly with an approving mom-smile. 

“Thanks!”  He slipped the paper into his suit jacket and walked into the classroom.  Sometimes people requested a private hour after the regular lesson, usually someone nervous about making a fool of themselves at a big event.  The community center and instructor split the fee.  For the next two hours he coached dancing couples, sometimes dancing with men, sometimes dancing with women, leading, following, sometimes as part of a threesome.  There were mixed gender and same gender couples, women who towered over him in heels, men who flirted with him, sometimes seriously.  There was laughter and a much more relaxed atmosphere than the other side of the room where the competitive couples danced.

 

 

Finally the class filed out and Kili went to get a bottle of water from the machine in the hallway.  Bending down to retrieve it a crinkle of paper from his suit coat reminded him that he had an appointment.  Standing up he turned and saw Fili watching him from the doorway.  “Hey,” he blinked.  Instead of his usual jeans and plaid flannel button-down Fili was wearing a grey suit and tie with a light blue shirt and dress shoes.

“Hey yourself,” Fili looked at Kili in his dark blue suit with his hair slicked down and smiled.  He thought the younger man looked very nice.  In fact he thought he looked beautiful.

“This is where I give lessons,” Kili replied, his water forgotten.  “Are you here taking photographs?”

Fili suddenly wished he had brought his equipment with him.  He wanted a lasting reminder of how Kili looked right then, happy, relaxed and unafraid.  “No, I have an appointment.”

“Me too,” Kili reached into his pocked for the slip of paper.  “Wedding dance… hey!  This is you!”

Fili laughed, his blue eyes crinkling up at the corners.  “Yeah, I actually do have a wedding coming up.  I’m in the groom’s party and my friends already told me they expect to see me out on the dance floor.  The problem is, I can’t dance.”

“I would have taught you,” Kili twisted the top off the bottle of water and took a sip.  “We could have used your studio space to practice in.”

Fili shrugged.  “It would have been rude of me to ask.  This is what you do for a living.  Usually I’m behind the camera so I don’t have to get out there.”

They walked into the studio.  “So can you dance at all?”

“White boy shuffle!”

“Okay,” Kili laughed.  “Come over here.”  Kili led him to a box on the wood floor marked off with blue tape.  “All the basic dances take place in this box.  You need to decide who’s going to lead.”

“Lead?”  Fili raised his eyebrows.

“Who directs how the dance is going to go.  In a traditional couple the man leads.  With a same-sex couple…”

“Oh, I lead.  I always lead.”

“Okay,” Kili laughed again.  “Put this hand on my back…” And for the next hour they danced slowly to three beats and four, Fili learning how to lead his partner without stepping on his feet, how to spin him and even how to take him around the floor a little.

“This is nice,” Fili commented.

“It is.  Just relax, move in the direction the crowd is moving and make small talk with your partner as you go.”

“Like we’re doing now?”

“Exactly.”

“How do I dip?”

“Fold this hand up on your shoulder and use the hand on my back to support me and lean…”  They both laughed. 

“Listen, this wedding thing,” Fili guided them around some more.  He was getting rather good at this.  “I mean, I’m usually taking pictures so I don’t have to… um, would like to, you know, go with me?”

“As your date?” Kili’s eyes lit up.  He really did look beautiful.

“Well, yeah.  I think you’ll like it and I’d like it a lot more if you were there and…”

“I’d love to.”

“Okay, cool!  It’s a date then.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

A few days later Kili’s phone vibrated in his pocket.  It did several times a day now, little texts from Fili, just to say I was thinking about you, to ask how’s class going or to tell him what he was photographing.  A small presence that was a warm comfort throughout his day.  Sometimes the texts invited him to coffee or over for a late movie and kissing on the sofa.  There was never anything more than that.  Fili never tried to undress him or take him into the bedroom.  It felt good and he felt safe and he liked the long, slow hours of gentle touching, their bodies slotted together while the movie played forgotten in the background.

He looked at the screen.  _“Ori wants to go clubbing.”_

Kili smiled.  Ori was free and adventuresome, always dragging them off to some event or class or show.  He was in with a local artists theater and had invited Kili to audition.  Kili had a pic on his phone of the small man dressed as Cupid in gold lame’ shorts and wings.  It seemed like nothing in this community could surprise him anymore.  He tapped the screen.  _“Sure. Where?”_

_“Razzle. DJ is a friend of ours. You’ll like it.”_

_“I’m in.”_

 

 

 

 

The Razzle Dazzle Club was a big warehouse outfitted with lights and sound and a DJ booth and stages for individual dancers.  Ori led them straight past the line to the side door.  “Gimli said he’d save some passes for us.  He really wants to meet you Kili.”

“Me?” Kili squeaked.

“You’ll like him.  His boyfriend dances and they’re really adorable together.”

They went in through the side entrance and Ori led them up to the DJ booth to meet Gimli.  Kili was greeted by a young man about Fili’s height with long, henna-red dreadlocks, tattoos, numerous piercings and a ragged Portishead t-shirt.  He slipped his headphones down and embraced Ori.  “Glad you could make it!”

“This is Kili,” Ori said over the music.  Gimli offered Kili a thick hand.  If anything came to mind when Kili looked at him it would be _solid_ and _rough_.  But his smile was genuine and he and Fili bumped shoulders happily so Kili relaxed and enjoyed watching the crowd.  He knew Fili didn’t dance but he might slip out onto the floor on his own.

“You’re in for a treat,” Ori said over his shoulder.  “Gimli’s boyfriend is dancing tonight.”

As if on cue Kili spotted a tall, slender blond making his way through the crowd to one of the dance stages in the center of the room.  It had a pole set up on it.  Kili turned to Ori, “Pole dancing?”

“Oh, you’ll love it!  Just watch!”

Kili had seen plenty of strippers in San Francisco, they really didn’t impress him.  But he had just met Gimli and didn’t want to offend him or his partner so he leaned up against the rail to watch.  The blond climbed up onto the platform and smiled up at the DJ box.  He was long and lithe and smooth, wearing silver spandex shorts and tape on his bare feet and ankles.  Gimli blew a kiss down and changed the music.  There was no bump-n-grind.  His partner was graceful and athletic, using the pole as a tool to support a series of stunning aerials.  It was clear to Kili that this young man was a trained dancer, from the slow and deliberate poise to the supple way his spine bent spoke of years at the barre.  He looked back to Gimli who was watching with a happy smile and wondered how two such differed individuals managed to find each other.  Looking back he caught Fili watching him and blushed.

Later the five of them sat backstage drinking and talking about music, Legolas and Kili sitting off to the side talking about dance.  Legolas had slipped on a CalArts t-shirt and a pair of shoes from Tom’s with silver glitter on them.  He and Kili were looking intently at pictures on Legolas’ phone and discussing dance injuries.  “I really wanted to be able to lift,” Kili was saying.  “But I blew my left knee out and had to have surgery.”

“I made it all the way through to finish my degree and had to have my ankle rebuilt,” Legolas showed him the scar.  “But I met Mr. DJ there while I was doing my PT.”  He wrinkled his nose at Gimli then turned back to his phone.  “And now I teach.”

Kili turned to look at Fili excitedly.  “I’m going to take pole dancing lessons with Legolas!”

Fili leaned over to Gimli and Ori and whispered, “How much to have a pole mounted in my garage?”

“I can give you the number of someone who will do it for cheap,” Gimli said knowingly.  “I have one in the bedroom of my house.”

“No way!” Ori laughed.

Gimli nodded.  “And an impressive video collection.”

_“Seriously?”_ Fili leaned in.

“Seriously,” Gimli answered.  “How often does a guy like me get a chance with someone like that?”  He looked happily at his partner.  Fili looked over at Kili and smiled.  “Not very often.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

The day of the wedding saw Kili helping Fili with his black bow tie.  “There.  Now don’t be nervous.”

“I’m not nervous.  I just have to keep the groom occupied until it’s time to go,” Fili replied.  “At least I’m not in the bridal party!”

“True that,” Ori breezed past them, carrying their suits in plastic dry cleaners bags, followed closely by his two dogs, Tricky-Woo and Stanley.  “What a nightmare!”

“Ori,” Fili laughed.  “Be nice!”

“Can’t be that bad,” Kili brushed the lint off Fili’s jacket. 

“Please,” Ori countered.  “A regular bridal party is bad enough!  But when a trans get married…”

“What, so they have to get their hair and makeup done.”  Kili lifted the plastic off of his own suit and removed the cleaner’s tag.  “Squeeze into a dress?”

“That’s just the tip of the iceberg!” Ori called from the bedroom.  “I have it on good authority they all spent the past week getting waxed, bronzed and having their hair fitted.  Not to mention a full fat-detox and _somebody_ had to have a tattoo removed.”

_“He’s mad because she wouldn’t let him plan the wedding,”_ Fili whispered.

Kili make an _“Oh…”_ with his mouth and Fili leaned in and stole a kiss. 

“Stop that you two, it’s disgusting!”

Kili stepped back and laughed.  “How do you know when we’re kissing?”

“Because you get quiet.”

“Well you get to sit with me, that’s something.”

“Don’t forget I want to leave early so we can drop the boys off at the sitters,” Ori reminded them.  The boys circled around his feet and started barking excitedly.  “And I want to find Gimli and Legolas before we’re seated.  At least _we’ll_ be having fun.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

The wedding itself was a beautiful affair staged at a waterfront hotel with the reception to be held inside.  They quickly found Gimli and Legolas, the latter in a sleek, dove-grey suit and his shorter partner sporting a suit but no tie, and found seats together in a sea of white chairs.  It was a lovely setting, everything subdued shades of cream and peach, with thin, white canopies draped overhead.  The bride was radiantly tanned and glowing in a tightly-fitted, mermaid-style gown, crystals sparkling on the white satin.  Kili had to admit that she was stunningly beautiful and the groom was smiling like a happy idiot.  Fili caught his eye in the crowd and winked.  As a groomsman his major obligation was to make sure the husband-to-be was shoved into his tux and delivered to the church on time.  Kili understood there was some drinking involved and perhaps a few hours spent at a local driving range, just to quell any nerves that might arise.  He couldn’t imagine the bride’s pre-ceremony morning going quite as calmly. 

As an early winter’s sunset graced the sky they all moved inside for the reception, the bride momentarily returning to the dressing room to change outfits.  As predicted Fili was called into service to dance with the bridesmaids and Kili watched him, silently counting off beats as he watched him glide sedately past. 

“You should be out there dancing,” a voice sounded near his elbow.  Kili turned towards a table full of elderly ladies who were sipping cocktails and watching the dancers.  “Who, me?”

“Yes, you.”  A woman his grandmother’s age gave him a knowing look.  “You’re far too young and handsome to be sitting on the sidelines.”

“Oh, it’s okay.”  Kili blushed.  “I really don’t know that many people here.  My date’s in the wedding party.”

“My husband loved to dance.  We used to go to the Seaside Club every weekend,” one of the ladies at the table chimed in.  “They had a live band and everyone danced with everyone.” 

Kili realized that this was the Widow’s Table, older female family members long having lost their spouses who now attended events together.  They would receive family members, drink graciously and reminisce about the lives they had when they were young.  He turned to the woman who had first spoken to him.  “Would you like to dance?”

“Oh, well, I suppose I could coax one trip around the dance floor out of this old body,” she smiled and took his hand.  As it turned out the ladies at the table were excellent dancers, having grown up in an age when couples dancing was not only expected of you but sometimes the only way a couple could get close to each other.  He found himself spending most of the night on the dance floor with the ladies and occasionally a few men. 

Gimli and Fili pulled their phones out and took videos as Kili and Legolas tangoed by together, floating across the floor just a few inches apart _.  “I don’t know if I should feel jealous or sport a stiffy,”_ Fili whispered.

_“I’ve already got one,”_ Gimli chuckled.

“You’d better hang onto that young man,” one of the ladies made her way past Fili.

“Oh, me?” he asked.

“Yes, you,” she answered.  “That one’s a catch and if you’re not careful someone’s going to come sweep him off his feet!”

 

 

 

Later Fili finally got his own chance at taking Kili out onto the floor when he was released from his duties and the five of them moved into the hotel club.  He shoved a bill into the band’s tip jar and requested a few slow dances.  They moved together across the small floor.  “Did you enjoy yourself?  I’m sorry I didn’t have more time to spend with you.”

“I did,” Kili let him lead them around, dancing past Ori and Legolas.  “The food was good and I got a lot of time out on the floor.”

“Yeah, I saw you making friends out there.”

“You know those ladies were really sweet.  They miss their husbands a lot,” Kili looked pensive.  “It must be hard to be apart for the person you built a life with for so long.  I always used to see it in my Mom.”

“One of them gave me a talking to about you.”

“Oh?”

“She said I’d better hang onto you or someone would come sweep you off your feet.”

Kili thought at that moment just how handsome his dance partner looked in his black dinner jacket and boutonniere.  Fili’s hand was firm on his back and he was leading him with more care than skill but still it felt good, it felt right.  “I can’t say that I’ve ever been swept off my feet before.”

“You know, this thing between us…”

“We have a thing?”

“We could… you could be my thing.”

Fili looked so hopeful.  Kili blushed and smiled and looked away, unable to look at the other man without breaking into a fit of giggles.

“She was right you know,” Fili went on.  “There were a lot of people here tonight who’d be very happy to sweep you off your feet.”

“Yeah?”

Fili took a deep breath.  He needed to do this or risk watching this beautiful man walk out of his life on someone else’s arm and that just wasn't something he was willing to do.  “But I really think I’d like to keep you all to myself.”

Kili felt like he’d had too much champagne.  “Are you asking me to be your thing?”

“Well, I like you and…”

_“Oh, just get on with it!”_   They both looked over to see Gimli, Legolas and Ori filming them expectantly with their phones.  Gimli was getting impatient.  _“Just kiss already!”_

“Thank you, I’m trying to get there!” Fili sassed back.

Kili took mercy on him.  “Yes, I will be your thing.” 

Fili smiled, dimples positively glowing.  “Well, good!” and spun them quietly across the small dance floor away from their audience. 

 

 

 

 

 

_I see them dancing, somewhere in the moonlight_   
_Somewhere in Alaska, somewhere in the sun_   
_I hear them singing, a song for all lovers_   
_A song for the two hearts beating only as one_

_Imagine the morning, no longer alone_   
_The arms of another, a place to belong_   
_No longer the struggle, no longer the night_   
_And ever becoming in the quickening light*_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, my stories are often loaded with Easter Eggs. I toss them in and wait to see who notices.
> 
> This is the last chapter of happy fluff for The Boys. Angst & Heartache warnings ahead.
> 
> * Song For All Lovers – John Denver  
> http://youtu.be/G_S9IRebElY


	4. "Darkness"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enough fluff, this is where the story turns dark. Please note the additional warning tags.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kili's secret boils over and there are consequences.
> 
>  
> 
> TRIGGER WARNINGS for rape/non-con, anxiety disorders, panic attacks.

 

 

 

 

 

 

**_“Darkness”_ **

****

****

 

 

Fili, Kili and Ori sat on the living room floor doing their research for the next round of King Trivia.  “Oscar the Grouch’s original color, Who was Captain Morgan, Why do Animal Crackers have a string on the box?  Who comes up with these?”  Kili was scrolling through trivia facts on Fili’s tablet.  “And how do you even know what the questions are anyway?”

“We don’t,” answered Ori.  “We just get guidelines on what they might be.  That’s why we have to spend so much time looking these things up ahead of time.”

With a clap of thunder the lights went out and the sound of rain pattered busily on the windows as the storm that had slipped in off the ocean finally broke.  One of the reasons they were in the condo was that Fili didn’t want Kili to be caught out in it.  Ori’s two little dogs came running in from the bedroom and climbed up in his lap, looking greatly concerned.  Fili stood up and went to the window to look out.  “Well, that’s not good.”

“What is it?” Kili was on his feet.

“The whole neighborhood’s out.  Most likely lightning hit a transformer somewhere.”  He slid a protective arm around Kili’s waist.  “You should stay here tonight.  It will be safer than you driving home.”

“I don’t…” Kili started but Fili wouldn’t take no for an answer.  “I’ll be right back.”  He darted downstairs to the garage using his cell phone as a flashlight and they heard him arm the alarm system.  When he returned he carried two battery-powered camping lanterns and a plastic box full of small cables and electronics.  “I have a back-up battery here and USB cords in case we need to charge our phones.  And we can use these lanterns until morning.

He led Kili into the bedroom and dug a pair of flannel sleep pants and a clean t-shirt out of his dresser and waited for him to change in the bathroom.  They still hadn’t done anything more than kiss on the sofa and Fili was waiting for Kili to let him know that he was ready for more.  He was also painfully aware that there might be no more for Kili.  Living for years with Ori as a roommate had taught him that for some people there just wasn’t more.  It was frustrating and their extended-kissing sessions had resulted in some extended shower time for him, but the thought of not having this man in his life was not an option.

It was cute how awkward Kili was getting into bed, sliding in next to him in the lamplight.  _“Hey.”_ Fili kissed him gently. _“Hey.”_   They slotted their bodies together and Fili wrapped his arms around him.  After a few minutes Kili relaxed enough to nuzzle in and together they drifted off to the sound of the rain. 

  

 

> _1:00 am.  It had been 1:00am the last time he had looked at the clock.  It was still dark and the only sound was the storm outside.  He rolled to look at the digital glow of the clock but there was nothing.  He could turn on his phone and use that for an alarm but then his phone would be on and he just wanted to sleep.  The only sound was the wind outside and the relentless patter of the rain…_

_  
_

Fili woke to the sound of Kili restless in his sleep.  _“It’s one o’clock,”_ he was saying.  _“It’s one o’clock!”_

“Kili, babe?” he whispered.  He knew sometimes Kili had nightmares.  He had asked Fili to turn his clock radio around the first time he spent the night so he couldn’t see the numbers glowing in the darkness.  Fili had consigned it to the closet.  He also knew that Kili had little rituals, like checking the window and turning off his phone before he went to sleep.  Those things did not bother him.  It was that Kili did not feel that he could talk about it with him.  That this man who had become such an important part of his life had a secret he did not feel he could tell anyone. 

 

> _One o’clock and the sound of glass breaking.  If it weren’t for the storm the tv would still be on and he wouldn’t have heard it.  He had to get up, he had to get up but he was afraid._

  

During the night Kili had rolled so now they were spooned together, so he gently rubbed his arms and spoke soft words to him until he calmed and drifted off again.  Running his hand down Kili’s left arm, Fili could feel the raised ridge of a scar that Kili kept carefully hidden with long sleeves.  There were two scars on the arm and one on his left hand.  Fili had worked enough construction sites and drank in enough bars to know the difference between marks left by an accident and those inflicted on purpose.  _Defensive scars._ Someone had deliberately hurt Kili and sooner or later Fili was going to find out whom.

  

_Arms were holding him and a soft voice was speaking to him.  Fili was with him, holding him, protecting him.  The dream faded and he momentarily surfaced to the bed they shared, strong arms around him and a soft voice.  He hiccupped once and slipped back off to sleep._

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

_“My babysitter when I was fourteen.”_

_“What is it about guys and their babysitters?”_

They all laughed.  Kili, Fili, Ori, Legolas and Gimli sat backstage at the _Razzle_ getting baked and chortling like middle-school boys.  Their conversation had degraded into sharing stories of their first times and stupid things they had done. 

“I was at bible camp,” Fili saw Gimli’s babysitter and raised him a camp hook-up.  “My bunk-mate and I had been dancing around it all summer.  Finally one night we snuck out after curfew.”

 _“Who had top bunk?”_   There was coughing and snickering.

“I had top bunk!” Fili laughed.

“Well, I seduced my dance coach while we were on tour.”  Legolas took the clip from Fili and then passed it to Ori. 

“You’re so proud of that, aren’t you?”  No one would say that Gimli wasn’t just a little bit jealous of his beautiful dancer.

“Oh I really am!”  Legolas was unrepentant. 

“I once fell through the ceiling of my school’s performing arts center,” Kili offered.  There was momentary silence and then the group burst out in a fit of laughter. 

“How the hell did you do that?”

“Well,” Kili took the clip and leaned back into Fili’s arms.  “They kept the sound booth locked, so if you wanted to get into it you could go up through a ceiling panel in the instructor’s office and crawl across and let yourself down.  Sometimes we needed to get into it but it was also an excellent place to get baked.”

“So you just fell through?”

“Yeah, I accidently crawled off the supports and went right through a ceiling panel.  Fortunately there weren’t any seats under me or I would have broken every bone in my body.”

“You probably didn’t get hurt because you were so relaxed.”

“I met blondie here when I had to get my shoulder fixed after laying my motorcycle down,” Gimli reminisced.  “I walked into the rehab center and there was this beautiful creature with the longest legs I’ve ever seen in his undies…”

_“Dance shorts!”_

“…and here I was with my shoulder all busted up and road rash all over the side of my face.”

_“How could I resist?”_

 

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

_“Thank you for seeing me, Professor.”_

“Come in Kili, have a seat.  And please, call me Gandalf.  I’ve never been much on formalities.”

Kili stepped into his advisor’s office and took the plush chair that was offered to him.  The professor’s office was nothing if not cluttered, comfortable and overflowing with interesting things.  Kili was wearing Fili’s leather jacket and clutching his book bag in his lap.  He felt nervous and worried.  “I need to ask for some help.”

Gandalf puttered momentarily, a dignified figure in his grey suit and turtleneck.  “What sort of help, Kili?  The last time we talked your classes were going well, you had a job you enjoyed, said you were making new friends.”  Kili took a deep breath and looked down, winding his fingers tightly around the handle of his bag.  He had been experiencing moments of panic and anxiety, usually following his overnights with Fili.  A mug of hot tea was placed gently on its coaster on the table next to him.  “Has something happened that I don’t know about?”

“Thank you,” he held the warm mug in his hands and took a deep breath.  “Something happened back in San Francisco and I thought I left it behind, but I didn’t.”  Kili’s words were hasty and distressed. 

“I remember you saying that you had a difficult experience and it was one of the reasons you wanted to go into your chosen field.”  Gandalf sipped his tea.

_“I think I need to go talk to somebody.”_

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

Kili’s carefully-built patchwork of stability unraveled on a Saturday night after another round of King Trivia.  Having Kili as a practice coach was paying off and the team was now in the top rankings.  If they kept doing well they would qualify for the champion rounds in March.  Bofur was a very popular Quiz-Master and _Bombur’s_ was full every weekend.  They sat in the bar and celebrated and then Fili, Kili and Ori made their way back to the condo.

“I should go home and get my bag book so I can work on my paper,” Kili slurred into Fili’s shoulder. 

“You are not driving anywhere,” Fili laughed.  “It’s late, I’m tired and we are going to bed.”

Ori gathered up the boys and headed off to his room.  Fili made a pit stop to empty his overly-full bladder and when he came out he found Kili sprawled out on the bed, face down and asleep in his clothes.  “Okay Sleeping Beauty,” he laughed, climbing up on the bed.  “Let’s get you undressed.”

 _“No…”_ came the mumbled reply.

“Yes, you can’t sleep in those,” Fili undid his shoes and pulled them off, letting them clunk on the floor.  “More importantly, _I_ can’t sleep if you’re in those.”

_“Just let me sleep.”_

“Yes, sleep is good.  Let me get these off you and then we sleep.”  He reached around, undid Kili’s belt and tugged at his jeans.

 

 

 

Ori answered the frantic pounding at his door.  “What’s wrong?”

Fili was stricken.  “It’s Kili.  I don’t know what I did but he’s in the bathroom and I think he’s having a panic attack.”

Ori pulled his robe on and followed Fili back to his room.  Kili was on the bathroom floor in a pool of vomit, his face turned towards the wall, crying.

Ori pulled a towel down from the rack and carefully wiped Kili’s face.  “Kili, sweetheart, can you hear me?”

 _“I’m sorry!  I’m sorry!”_ Kili’s pulse was racing and he was sweating. 

“Kili, you’ve done nothing to be sorry for,” Ori rubbed his back.  “You’re having an anxiety attack and it feels really bad but we’re going to stay here you until it passes.”  He turned to Fili.  “Can you grab a couple of bottles of water out of the garage?  We need to get the alcohol out of his system.”

Fili ran downstairs to where they had the extra water and broke open a case.  He tried to understand what had happened leading up to Kili’s melt-down.  He’d had too much to drink at Bombur’s, Ori had driven his car back for him while Fili drove him in the suv.  Once he made it to the bedroom he crawled onto the bed and passed-out.  Fili went to undress him.  When he tugged at his jeans Kili came up at him swinging a closed fist.  It was a legacy of growing up with two older brothers that made him react before he could think.  He grabbed Kili’s arms and pressed him down on the bed.

At that moment it became clear.  _“God dammit fuck!”_   Fili set the water down and put his first through the drywall.

 

 

 

_They stayed with Kili all night, watching him twitch and stutter in his sleep.  He left in the morning looking like hell and didn’t answer his phone for two days._

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Come down off your throne and leave your body alone._   
_Somebody must change._   
_You are the reason I've been waiting so long._   
_Somebody holds the key._

_But I’m near the end and I just ain’t got the time_   
_And I’m wasted and I can’t find my way home.*_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Razzle Dazzle Club does not exist. Or better to say that it does in many forms in every large city, but I did not want to allege potentially illegal activity in a business that exists in real life.
> 
>  
> 
> Kili is experiencing the aftermath of something that happened to him before he arrived in Long Beach. He has the help he needs now and it' up to them to try to pick things up and put them back together. 
> 
> I do sincerely hope that I am not going too far for some of my readers.
> 
> *Blind Faith – Can’t Find My Way Home  
> http://youtu.be/3TyynO6O0kc


	5. "Secrets"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kili talks about what happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: You do not have to read this chapter. It tells what happened in Kili's words, but I think most of you have already figured that out.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**_“Secrets”_ **

****

****

 

 

Two long and frustrating weeks come and go with no word from Kili.  Fili still sent him messages every day, but every day was a long, slow grind of checking for what he did not know.  _I hope you’re ok.  I’ll be at King’s tonight.  I miss you.  I’m sorry.  I didn’t know._

Kili had only sent one text back: _I’m not ready to talk about it._   And then nothing. 

He discreetly checked in with Bombur but Kili was letting the other delivery guy take his shifts.  He thought about driving past the house where Kili rented a room but decided that would be stalking.  A storm rolled in off the ocean and he spent the entire night cleaning and organizing the garage because he couldn’t sleep.  _Kili where are you?_

Finally he spotted a familiar set of brown eyes looking at him with a worried expression from across the room at King Trivia.  Fili excused himself momentarily and squeezed his way through the crowd to where Kili was standing in the back corner wearing his leather jacket.  “Hey!”

Kili looked down at his feet.  “Hey.”

Fili reached out to touch him and the hesitated.  “Are you okay?”

Kili licked his lips.  _“No.”_

Fili gently touched his arm.  “I’m glad you’re here.  Will you be staying for the match?’

“Yeah, if it’s okay.”

“Of course it’s okay.  It will always be okay.” 

Kili’s fingertips touched his.  “I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve really missed you, Kili.”  Fili could hear his name being called.  “We’re starting.  Come watch?”

“I will from back here.”  Fili squeezed his hand and pushed his way back to the bar.  Kili looked up and saw Ori waving at him.  He smiled and waved back.  When the round was over Ori came running over and hugged him.  “We were really worried about you Kili.”

Kili hugged him back.  _“Can I come to the condo?  I need to talk about something.”_

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Despite the warmth of the heater, Fili’s jacket and a blanket from the sofa Kili sat on the floor of the condo and shivered, his arms full of fat pug as he spoke.  “I had only been living in the bay area for about a year.  I was waiting tables and living in an apartment with friends.  I got in with a show with a little independent theater group – I didn’t know what I wanted to do in school yet – I was just enjoying myself too much to worry about it.  I met Brad doing the show.  He was a model – is a model – but he wanted to act and they needed a face for the supporting male.  We hit it off and started dating.”

Kili seemed to drift off, his brow creased in thought.  Fili looked at Ori but Ori didn’t say anything.  Finally Kili took a deep breath and continued.  “Anyway, we dated all through the set-up and rehearsal and through the run of the show.  We were a pretty steady item.  I know he wanted to, but I never had so…”  Kili’s words were a little slow, like he was having difficulty getting his mouth to form the words and Fili could see that his hands were trembling.  “So we didn’t because I was worried about it and it was a big step for me.”  Fili wrapped his arms around his knees and put his chin down on them.  He had already guessed the rest of the story – had heard the same from other people – and he didn’t want Kili to see the anger he was feeling in his face.

“Um, we had a big wrap party at the end of our show,” Kili continued.  “I had too much to drink.  I didn’t think I had, but I must have because I passed out and our producer put me in one of her bedrooms to sleep it off.  I woke-up, Brad was there.  He was already inside of me.  I tried to make him stop I was crying and telling him to stop.  He told me the first time always hurt and it was better that I was drunk because I wouldn’t really feel it.  _It really hurt…”_ he choked.  “There was blood and I had to go to the hospital and get tested.  We broke-up because of it.  I stopped going to work.  I dropped out of the theater.  Finally I came down here with some friends and never went back.  I thought that I could make a fresh start, but it followed me, you know?”

“Oh, Kili,” Ori reached out and rubbed his shoulder.  Kili put his face down into Stanley’s wrinkled neck and started to cry.  Carefully Fili scooted forward until he could slide an arm around him and Kili turned and leaned into him.  “I’m sorry, baby,” he whispered into the dark hair.  “I’m sorry.”

“Kili are you getting any kind of help for this?” Ori asked.

“My advisor got me in to see a doctor and a therapist,” he answered.  “They gave me some medication for the anxiety but it makes me slow and sometimes I start shaking.  But it’s only for a few weeks while my therapy starts.”

Fili looked at Ori, the question didn’t really need to be asked.  “Kili, we think you should stay here with us for awhile, just to help you manage your meds,” Ori suggested.  “You can have my room,” Fili offered.  “I can camp out here.”

Usually Kili balked at imposing himself on people.  Now he just nodded tiredly.  “Okay.”

Together they bundled him into bed and Fili moved himself out onto the sofa while Ori went to text Legolas and Gimli.  Kili slept the exhausted sleep of one who has come to the end of their run and Ori wanted to put together a support group of his close friends.  They needed to monitor his meds and make sure he went through a full step-down when he came to the end of the prescription.  He also wanted to make sure he got to his appointments on schedule.  Fili lay back on the sofa and exhaled slowly.  He was so angry.  Picking up his phone he sent a text to Gimli.  _“Road trip. SF. Soon.”_

 _“Just heard,”_ came the reply.  _“As soon as you can leave him for a few days.”_

He lay channel surfing until Kili wandered out wrapped in his quilt.  “I can’t sleep.”

Fili sat up.  “I’ll come sit with you.”

“Can I just lay here on the couch with you?”  Kili looked so young and so tired.  Fili opened his arms.  “Of course.  Come here.”

Kili crawled onto the sofa, nestled down onto Fili’s chest and drifted back to sleep.  Fili tucked the quilt around him and stroked his hair.  Glancing at his watch he noted the time.  _1:15 am._  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_I did my best, it wasn't much_   
_I couldn't feel, so I tried to touch_   
_I've told the truth, I didn't come to fool you_   
_And even though it all went wrong_   
_I'll stand before the Lord of Song_   
_With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah*_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for sticking with me all this way. This was an intentionally short chapter and I'm not promoting the update. I am perfectly fine if anyone wants to give this one a miss.
> 
>  
> 
> *LEONARD COHEN - Hallelujah  
> http://youtu.be/mmbQEQltOwM


	6. “Illumination, Part One”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mama Dis and Big-Sister Eowyn arrive in Long Beach and the story starts to expand. Part 1 of 2.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mama Bear Dis arrives in Long Beach with Big-Sister Eowyn. This is a very brief chapter as I am being pounded for time by my new job (and not in a good way, either). Part Two will be up soon.
> 
> Please make sure you read the up-dated tags!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**_“Illumination, Part One”_ **

****

****

 

 

One of the first things Fili did was make a discreet call to Kili’s mother in Oregon to let her know her son was not doing well, and to assure her that he was being cared for.  To all accounts they were close and his mother was accepting of his sexuality so Fili pulled her number up on Kili’s phone and copied it to his.

“Hello?”  The voice on the other end really didn’t sound old enough to be Kili’s mom.

“Um, yes, may I speak to Dis please.”

“Sure, hold on.”  He heard the sound of the phone being put down and a “Mom!  It’s for you!”

“Hello,” a definitively _Mom_ voice came on the phone.  “Can I help you?”

Fili took a deep breath.  How do you tell someone’s mother they are hurt and suffering?  Did she even know what happened in San Francisco?  “Um, hello, Mrs. Oaks?  My name is Fili Durin.  I’m a friend of your son.”

The voice on the other end of the line was suddenly serious.  “Is Kili okay?”

“He is, but he’s having a bit of a rough time and I don’t want you to worry but…”

“Let me speak with him,” she interrupted him.  “Please.”

“Well he’s asleep right now.  He doesn’t know I’m calling.”  Fili felt a little sheepish.

_“Is this about San Francisco?”_

Well, at least he didn’t have to break that news to her.  _Hello Mrs. Durin.  Your son has been raped by his first real boyfriend.  It was his first sexual experience.  He’s safe now but this will haunt him for years to come until, at some point, he will completely unravel…_

“Hello?  Fili?”  He could hear the other voice talking in the background, asking questions.

“I’m sorry.  Yeah, it’s about that.  He started having anxiety attacks.  He’s staying with us while he goes through his course of medication.  He’s seeing a therapist but he’s having a hard time with everything.”

He could hear a keyboard clicking in the background.  “He told me he was seeing somebody,” Dis related.  “You took those pictures he sent me.”

“Yeah I did.  That was the night we met…”  Suddenly Fili’s voice choked off.  He pictured the happy, beautiful young man who had sat laughing in his garage with take-away food and photographs. 

“Those were beautiful pictures,” Dis answered in that comforting voice that only mothers knew how to use.  “He was so thrilled to tell me about the two of you.”

“Really?” Fili’s face was wet.

“He told me about the wedding and about the trivia contest.  I was so happy to see him making friends down there.”

“He’s really special.”

“Okay, I’m booking tickets into the Long Beach airport for tomorrow morning.  We’ll grab a rental car and book a hotel in town.”

“Wait, oh, you don’t have to.  I mean…” Fili stuttered.

“Yes I do,” Dis answered.  “He’s my son.  I need to be there, at least while he’s on the meds.”

Fili ran his hand through his hair.  He was at once relieved and startled.  This was not at all how he wanted to meet his boyfriend’s family.  And he’d have to tell Kili when he woke so he wouldn’t be surprised.  “Okay,” he agreed.  “That’s a good idea.  I’m just a little sleepless.”

“I’ll text you the flight info once we get to the airport but look for us to arrive early tomorrow afternoon.”

“I can meet you there just to make sure you find your way around with no problems.”

“Fili,” he could hear the strain in her voice.  “Thank you for being there with him.  I’ve been worried about this since it happened.  He’s kept it bottled up but I knew that some day he’d finally have to deal with it.”

“I wish I had known sooner.  We could have gotten him into a support group here, let him vent off some steam.”

“I’ll see you all tomorrow.  Call me if anything changes?”

“Promise I will.”  Fili hung up the phone and looked towards the bedroom door where Kili was asleep surrounded by two small dogs and a grumpy orange cat.  Now he just had to tell his boyfriend that his mommy was on her way. 

 

* * *

 

 

Fili drove Kili to the airport to meet his family in the afternoon.  Kili was excited.  Fili was nervous.  “There they are!” Kili rocked forward on the balls of his feet.  “Mom!” he waved.

A lovely, middle-aged woman with hair the color of Kili’s and a blond woman about Fili’s age walked up with their carry-on bags and grabbed Kili, who in turn started to cry.  Fili stood back from the three weeping people with his hands in his pockets, wishing Ori were there.  Ori always knew what to do when people started crying.  Finally Kili pulled back.  “You guys this is Fili.  He’s my thing!”

“It’s so good to meet you,” Dis pulled him into a mama bear hug and he was enveloped in soft sweater and the smell of shea butter.  “You look just like the pictures Kili sent.”

“This is my sister, Eowyn.”  Fili was enveloped in denim jacket and the smell of lanolin.  She was a few years older than Kili but not as tall.  Kili had said that she was a nurse working in a hospital in Portland.  “Hey,” she said.  “So you’re Kili’s thing?”  Fili laughed.  “Yeah, for awhile now.” 

They stopped at baggage claim long enough for Fili to grab Dis’ bag.  “I can only stay for a few days,” Eowyn explained.  “Mom’s going to stay longer.”  A quick stop at the car rental counter and they were off to the hotel.  “This is a beautiful area.  I’m going to need sunblock.” 

 

* * *

 

“So Kili said you own your own business,” Fili turned to Dis while the siblings chatted like small children over the car seat. 

“It’s a DIY design and remodeling assist shop,” Dis answered.  “We sell supplies and décor for people who are handy enough to do their own make-overs and give some professional assistance on larger projects.  My assistant is running things while I’m down here.”

“That sounds cool.  It would actually do really well in this area I think.”  Fili felt altogether comfortable around Dis.  “Mom!  You should see Fili’s photography!  It’s amazing…” Kili chirped.  Fili smiled to see him so happy and animated.  Fili had offered the women his room in the condo but they insisted they needed room to spread out so they had taken a hotel room in town.  “Let’s go to _Bombur’s!_   Did you eat yet?”

They ended-up at Bombur’s for dinner.  Fili shot a quick text to Ori to let him know to join them.  Bombur was delighted to see them and seated them in a private room he reserved for special guests and parties.  There was a round table where food was served family-style and everyone just took what they wanted.  The outrageous décor made Dis smile.  “This place… is amazing!”

“This is how we met,” Kili nibbled a piece if cheese bread appetizer.

“You were waiting tables here?” Eowyn asked.

“Delivery boy,” he answered.  “I delivered Fili’s dinner.”

“The model for my photo shoot didn’t show,” Fili put in.  “So I asked him to stay for dinner.”

_“A bit cliché if you ask me,”_ Ori’s voice sounded from over his shoulder. 

“This is our friend Ori,” Kili introduced him around. 

Ori was still in his scrubs and a jacket.  “I hope you don’t mind, I came straight from work.” 

“I thought Kili said you were a writer,” Eowyn made room for him to sit next to her.

“I am,” he picked up a plate and spooned antipasto onto it.  “But writing only pays if you’re famous or you’re dead and I am neither, so I’m a respiratory therapist on the side.”

“Okay, so how are we cliché?” Fili asked.

“Are you kidding?” Ori laughed.  “Kili shows up on your doorstep the same night your model is a no-show and what are you going to do for the rest of the evening?”

Eowyn caught-on right away.  “Oh, here I am, an innocent young delivery boy new to town.  Whatever shall I do?” she pantomimed.

The table burst into laughter.  _“No….”_ Kili laughed. _“It wasn’t like that at all!”_

“Why my dear,” Ori chimed back in a deep voice while stroking a pretend goatee.  “Come inside and I will show you my photography!  And maybe take some pictures of my own…”

Fili laughed and nodded.  “Guilty!  How could I let him walk away?”  Kili leaned against him and hid his face in a napkin.  “I must have come off like a complete ass yelling like that,” Fili commented.  “But I’m glad he stayed.”

He pulled the napkin away from Kili’s face.  _“Hey, don’t cry.”_   Kili snuffled and wiped his eyes.  “I can’t help it.  What if your model had shown up that night or the other guy was on delivery service?  Then we never would have met.”  Fili pulled him into his shoulder.  “I’m sure we would have managed.  I’m here all the time anyway and if I had seen you I certainly would have asked you out.”

“But it’s not the same,” snorfled Kili.  “You fed me dinner and took my picture and that was really nice.”  Fili gently rubbed his shaking hands.  The medication was on one hand helping to keep his anxiety and depression at bay, but on the other having strange side effects. 

_“Partying without us already, I see.”_   Legolas and Gimli poked their heads in.  “We thought it sounded like you.”

“Come in, you’re just in time to have desert with us,” Kili waved them in.  “I thought you were giving lessons today.”

“I am,” the blond squeezed in next to Fili.  “We just stopped to get some food to take with us.”

“This is Gimli and Legolas,” Kili introduced them.  “Legolas is a CalArts dance grad and Gimli makes his own cds and djs at _The Razzle.”_

“Oh, is that somewhere I’d like to go?” Dis asked lightly.  _“No!”_ the table chorused.  “I mean,” stuttered Fili, “you probably wouldn’t like it.” 

“Well I’d certainly love to see you dance,” she told Legolas.  “I’d love to!” he answered, beaming.  “I always love an audience.”

By the end of the meal Kili was tired and needing to go lay down.  Dis and Eowyn returned to the condo with them after promising to come see Gimli and Legolas.  Fili went into the bedroom to lay down with him while Ori sat and talked quietly with his family.  “Kili hadn’t given me any indication that there were problems until the night he had his first panic attack.”

“I’ve been worried something like this would happen but he wouldn’t come home,” Dis spoke carefully.  “So much happened in San Francisco, he’s never dealt with it all.”

_“May I ask a personal question?”_

_Dis hugged her sweater to herself in an unconscious gesture.  “Sure.”_

_“Those scars on Kili’s arm.  Are they self-inflicted?”_

_Dis looked at Eowyn and took a deep breath…_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_You seem very well  
Things look peaceful_  
 _I'm not quite as well_  
I thought you should know

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't feel ok with not updating this for any amount of time so I'm splitting the present chapter into two parts. And yes, Dis immediately adopts all the boys because that's just how she is.


	7. "Road Trip"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fili & Gimli run off to do something stupid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are elements to this part of the story that I am not an authority on and research is not helping, so if I get some things wrong please be gracious.

 

 

 

**_“Road Trip”_ **

****

****

 

Eowyn found Dis sitting at an outdoor table in the courtyard of their hotel, smoking a cigarette and staring at her phone. “I thought you weren’t going to do that anymore.”

“Tell me that when you have kids.”

The blond slid in next to her mother. “You’ve been off them for a long time.”

Dis watched the smoke trail up into the dark. “We used to talk our problems out over coffee and cigarettes. Now coffee and cigarettes are the problem.”

Eowyn smiled. “So talk.”

_“He’s my little boy, Wyn.”_ Dis rested her forehead against her fist. “This was all so much easier when the only thing that hurt was his knee and the only thing he cried over was his dad. This move away from home was so important to him! Now it’s just all fucked up and I can’t get him to come home where I can look after him. What if he has an emergency? What if he doesn’t step down his meds? He’s so far away from me. How do I help him?”

“He doesn’t want to come home, Mom. He’s comfortable here, he’s got some pretty good friends and people accept him.” Eowyn took a sip of her coffee. “There are a lot of resources here for him. And Fili’s here.”

“I always used to worry that someone would hurt him because he was gay. Worried about him walking home from dance class. Worried about the late hours they spent doing shows. I never thought that his own boyfriend would hurt him.”

“I know.”

“And now I’m here and I don’t know what to do.”

“I know.”

“And I just want to make it better and I can’t!”

Eowyn slid an arm around her mother’s shoulder. “Mom, you can’t change what happened. What would you have him do? Never date? Never leave the house? Not have any kind of life?”

_“Yes,”_ Dis wiped the tears from her face. “After everything that happened to him I’d go back in time, make him take the karate lessons, make him stay home until he was older, screen every boy who wanted to date him…”

“But you can’t,” Eowyn leaned into the comfort of her mother’s shoulder. “You can’t keep him a little boy forever.”

_“Yes I can.”_

 

* * *

 

 

 

Fili lay on the sofa in the condo, the tv quietly playing late night shows, Kili laying on his chest. They used to snuggle here and kiss until one of them got too sleepy to stay awake or had work or school the next morning. Now Fili couldn’t even think about kissing him. Ok, he did, think about it that is, a lot. But the memory of Kili in tears on the bathroom floor was too much of a deterrent. Now he lay on the sofa watching tv until Kili wandered out and crawled in with him.

He glanced down to see dark eyes watching him. _“Hey you.”_

_“Hey.”_

_“Don’t you have an appointment in the morning?”_

_“I’d rather go on your shoot with you.”_

_“I know. I miss my assistant.”_

_“Come to bed with me?”_

_“Okay.”_

Fili had given him the big bed to sleep in, laying down with him until he dozed off and then moving out to the sofa. But Kili couldn’t sleep through the night so he’d stumble out looking lonely and forlorn and crawl back into his arms. Fili wanted to give him space and privacy. Kili thought this respectful distance was just distance. After all, why would this beautiful, desirable man want to be with someone so broken? They climbed into bed and Fili carefully arranged them so Kili was sleeping on his chest, near his heart, and lay stroking the dark curls until they both drifted off.

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

Dis and Eowyn spent most evenings at the condo, Dis taking over the kitchen and giving it more of a workout than it had since the boys moved in. She specialized in comfort food and fed her children, original and newly adopted, on a nightly basis. She had found a local bakery that produced amazing bread every morning and a farmers market, freely expressing her love through her cooking. Gimli and Legolas started coming by to help polish it all off and endured her fussing and petting with good graces. Tonight it was roast beef and homemade mashed potatoes and sautéed vegetables with garlic and butter and Gimli sat at the coffee table grinning happily while Legolas wiped mashed potatoes out of his beard.

Eowyn approached Fili as he went to the kitchen to get seconds. “You’ll have to watch your waistline around my mom,” she commented, poking a knife at an apple cobbler that was cooling to the side of the stove.

Fili rubber his belly appreciatively. “Oh, I’m watching,” he replied. “Watching it grow out over the top of my jeans. I’m going to need to up my workouts.”

“I was listing to you and Red talking about a road trip up north.” She kept her words low, knowing the topic upset her brother.

“Yeah, we both really want to,” Fili answered quietly.

“You know my mom was going to take a hit out on that guy but my brother wouldn’t let her.”

“Does your mother know people who can do that?” he asked, a little uncomfortably.

“No, but I’m sure she would have found a way.”

“Kili won’t even tell me what this guy’s last name is, much less how to find him.”

“Too bad this guy doesn’t have a website telling people what production he’s currently doing or where the theater is located. Most model-slash-actors do.”

Fili stared at her, plate in hand. “I think I love you,” he blurted out. “In a sisterly fashion. You know what I mean.”

She smirked. “I have it on my iPad. He’s doing a play in West Hollywood right now.”

“You’re kind of evil under all the pretty, you know that?”

“Kili always told me I was the ugly duckling that never grew up.”

“What?! That’s horrible. My Kili?”

“Well, maybe it was because I melted one of his action figures in my Easy Bake Oven.”

Fili stepped back. _“You are evil!”_

Later they went through the website on his computer in the garage. “He’s in a production company doing Midsummer Night’s Dream down here for the next couple of weeks,” she pointed out. Fili clicked through the slideshow of model and theater shots, printing several. It irked Fili to see how tall he was. “Yeah, I know, he’s pretty,” she commented. “In that fake, waxed, manscaped, perfect dental work kind-of way.”

“Well,” Fili cleared his throat. “A good photographer can make anyone look, you know...”

“Attractive to my brother?” she eyed him sideways.

_“I’m gonna break his balls.”_

 

* * *

 

 

 

_“I don’t want you to!”_

“We’re just going to have a talk with him.”

“I know what that means and I don’t want you arrested and going to jail.” Kili was near tears. “I don’t want anything to happen to you.”

“Look,” Fili knelt down in front of where Kili was sitting on the bed. “Nothing is going to happen to me. Gimli is going with me; we’ll be okay.”

Kili clenched his hands in his lap. “Why are you doing this?”

_“Because some things need to be done.”_ Fili took his hands. “Kili, look at me, if he did this to you than he’s done it to other people too. It has to stop.”

Kili took a deep breath. “I told people,” the words started to tumble from his mouth. “I told people and he just said that he was too drunk to know what I was saying but he wasn’t and why would the police believe me when people I knew didn’t. We were together and he had waited for me. They just thought it was a really bad first time. They didn’t understand… I trusted him! And he really hurt me.”

Fili climbed up next to him and pulled him into his arms and let the tears come. “It’s okay, baby. Let it out.” He let Kili cry himself out and then pulled them up to the pillows. “I’ll be gone for less than a day. Everyone will be here with you.”

“Okay.”

“I’m just going to talk to him.”

“Okay.”

“And I’m taking Gimli with me.”

“Because he has personal restraint.”

Fili tried not to snigger out his nose, having witnessed the carnage when some drunk at _Razzle_ grabbed Legolas’ butt while he was dancing.

“My sister was on the tennis team in high school. Once she served the ball into this guy’s groin because he was making upskirt comments about her during practice and the coach didn’t make him shut up.”

“She is a little scary, you know that?”

“She always stood up for me. Her little fairy brother who went to dance class instead of karate and who spent all of high school hiding in drama. She and my mom.”

“They love you a lot.”

“I know.”

Fili bent to kiss the dark curls resting on his chest. “I love you.”

There was a long moment of silence and Fili could almost hear the self-doubt creeping around Kili’s head. _“You don’t have to.”_

_“I know.”_

Kili exhaled and closed his eyes. _“Luv too…”_

* * *

 

They left the bike in a paid parking lot, hoofed it over to the theater and waited around the side door. When they saw a group of actors leaving Fili approached a notably tall and athletic young man and smiled, causing him to slow down and look Fili over. “Hey, you’re Brad Alexander, aren’t you?”

The other man slowed down, letting Fili fall into step with him. “Yeah I am. Do we know each other?”

“No, but I recognize you from your modeling shots.” Fili walked with him as he headed down the sidewalk.

“Cool, you should come to see the show. I could put your name on the pass list.” They turned down a narrow alley between two shops.

“Actually I came to see you.” Fili stopped about halfway down the alley. The other man turned and looked back at him. “Really?”

“I came to talk to you about what you did to Kili Oaks in San Francisco.”

“Kili Oaks… Yeah, we dated for a while. No big deal.”

“You got him drunk and fucked him after he passed out at a party!”

“Well that’s not how I remember it.”

“Do you remember him telling you to stop? Do you remember him saying that you were hurting him?”

“Look, I don’t need to explain myself to you!” the blond stepped forward and looked down at Fili. “What are you? His boyfriend?”

“I am the guy who’s gonna teach you to knock that crap off,” Fili pushed forward, up against him. “You don’t force yourself on someone who’s wasted! You don’t force yourself on some kid who’s just come out of the closet! You don’t force yourself on someone just because they can’t fight back against you because there’s always someone who’s bigger than you are!”

“Like you?” He shoved Fili back a step. “I don’t need you getting all up in my business!” Stepping back he bumped into someone standing just behind him.

“That’s so rude to speak that way about my friend,” Gimli commented.

“What the fuck?” Brad spun around. “Oh, nice! He pay you guys to come harass me?” Brad turned back to Fili. “ _The way I see it you should thank me for loosening his tight ass up for…”_ Fili felt a tremendously satisfying jolt to his arm as his fist made contact with the other’s face. From experience with his brothers his rule had always been punch to the gut, then to the face, but this felt much better. He was suddenly reminded of why he always went for the gut when a return punch to the jaw sent him spinning. For all his lack of formal training, Gimli always went for the gut first and was rewarded when the other man doubled-up, the wind knocked out of him. “The way I see it you should thank him for not letting us cut your balls off.”

Fili wiped his mouth where a split-lip was bleeding down his chin. “As it is I think you’re gonna have to take some time off work.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Sitting in a bar that had seen far better days Gimli held his phone to his ear. _“I spoke with my father, he reported it as a hate crime!”_ Legolas’ voice was on the other end, upset and loud. _“He claims two guys jumped him in an alley after his show. It will hit the press by morning.”_

“Well maybe I’ll be in jail long enough to get your name tattooed on my arm.” Fili looked up and tipped his beer bottle towards him, eyebrows raised.

_“Listen to me!”_ Legolas was sounding more and more upset. _“My father says not to say anything, just that you’re waiting on your attorney. He’ll be there to post bail as soon as he can talk to the judge.”_ This was pretty serious if Thranduil himself was getting involved. His eyes followed Fili’s to the door where several uniformed officers were walking in. “Babe, I gotta go. I love you. Wait for me on the outside.”

He flipped the phone down and took a last drink of his beer. “Legg’s dad is going to come bail us out in the morning. In the meantime don’t speak to anyone other than to say you’re waiting on your lawyer.”

Fili leaned forward. “So, cavity search, just how bad is it?”

“No lube and not even a goodbye kiss.”

“Oh, man!”

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Thranduil Greenleaf stretched out his long legs from his seat in the utilitarian chair in the District Attorney’s office. “You really should update this,” he commented. If he and the DA hadn’t been old acquaintances it might have been insulting. “I had mine done last year. I can give you their number.”

“Sure, just as soon as I get your budget,” the other man shot back. “Remind me again why I didn’t go over to the dark side?”

“Because you wanted to do good in this world.” Thranduil maintained that smooth face that he wore whenever he was at odds with someone. “And that’s why you’re going to look more closely at Bradley Alexander.”

“This is a pretty touchy subject in the gay community.”

“As I am well aware.”

“I don’t even have complaints against him. What am I going to do if people won’t even come forward?”

“I would start in San Francisco, that’s his home and where most of his victims would be.”

“If I can’t get college girls to come out about this how am I going to get gay men to go on record?”

“Stop trivializing it. Treat it like the serious matter it is.”

“Touché.” The DA sat back and tapped the arms of his chair. “Let’s go get your boys out, shall we? We need to talk to the judge about getting their charges reduced.”

“Oh, no, let them stew for a while longer,” Thranduil waved it off. “I seem to remember you have some excellent restaurants around here. My treat…”

 

 

 

TBC

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is - and is not - how such things should be handled. Unfortunately this issue is still treated as trivial by the authorities on both sides of the orientation fence.


	8. “The Looking Glass”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys finally throw their hearts over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little quickie update - I felt the boys (and everybody else) needed a little smut at this point. Just a little!

 

 

 

 

**_“The Looking Glass”_ **

 

 

 

 

 

Kili sat and fidgeted in the very comfortable, lushly-padded and upholstered chair in the office of his doctor for his therapy session. He had no reason to be nervous. She was a lovely woman really, someone who cared deeply about the welfare of her patients. She was kind, compassionate, deeply intuitive and many of the things that make up a good therapist. But she made him talk and she made him think and she made him write his thoughts and actions down in a beautiful leather-bound journal Fili had given him and then sit in her calm, peaceful, peach-hued office with its many chairs and overstuffed loveseats and cushions and lap throws and read to her.

She walked in and closed the door behind her softly, taking a seat opposite his. She straightened her cream-colored pantsuit and picked up her notepad. “Hello, Kili,” her voice was soft, deep and comforting. “I’m glad to see you again.”

“Hello Dr. Indis.”

She smiled that soft, wide smile. “Alright then. What did you bring me today?”

Kili shifted in his chair and looked down at the book in his hands. It was beautiful, hand-bound in dark green leather with a sleeping dragon on the front. It seemed entirely disrespectful to waste this woman’s time with his little notes about the inane comings and goings of his life. She really was an important person and he never would have gotten in to see her without his advisor’s recommendation. She should be leading case studies and writing articles for peer-reviewed journals.

“Kili?”

“Oh,” he looked up. “I’m sorry. It’s just that my week has been rather ordinary. I didn’t want to disappoint you.”

“Ordinary can be important too,” she replied. “Why don’t you start from the beginning. How was your week?”

Kili took a deep breath. “Well, I went back to work. Both at _Bombur’s_ and at the community center.”

“Dance has always been a place of safety for you, hasn’t it?”

“Yeah, I mean, it’s what I do well.”

“And somewhere you have control over things that effect you.”

“That too.”

“Have you thought about going back to your own lessons?”

Kili winced a bit. “There didn’t seem to be any point. I got as far as I could get but with my knee I can’t really progress.”

“Are there other forms of dance you can pursue?”

“Pole dancing. No! I mean…” he blushed at the look she gave him. “My friend, Legolas, is a ballet dancer and he uses a pole to do these amazing aerials. It’s really beautiful, I mean, it’s not what you’re thinking!” He folded up on himself in a fit of giggling, hand over his mouth.

Galadriel started to chuckle. This was the first time she had seen the young man in front of her break his solemn wall. “So you’re saying it’s more like Cirque du Soleil?” Kili nodded. “And could you learn to do this?”

“We were talking about me taking lessons from him before my panic attacks started.”

“I think you should pursue that.”

“Really?”

“Yes, the more you participate in a normal life the less room is available for the things that cause you harm to squeeze their way in. Even if your life doesn’t feel like normal, the more of these activities you participate in the more normal your life will become in time.”

“So staying at the condo…” he looked down at his journal and rubbed his hand over it. “Is a safe place for you, both physically and emotionally,” she responded. “And then there is your friend.” Kili thought about that. “He’s more than a friend, really. I mean, we were, before that night, but now I don’t know.”

“Has he given any reason to believe he might not still want that?”

“He and Ori have been taking care of me. They’re both too nice to turn away someone in need, but I really shouldn’t be imposing myself on them like that.”

His doctor jotted something down in her notes. “How do you think he sees you?”

“Weak.”

“Weak? As a weak person?”

“And stupid.”

She leaned forward. “Explain.”

“I didn’t want anyone…” His face broke and he turned away. “I didn’t want anyone to know what happened. I didn’t want _him_ to know that I was too weak to defend myself, too stupid to know what was going to happen. _I’m a man, and I should be able…”_ He wheezed. “I’m just so angry and disappointed in myself! I should be able to take care of myself like an adult and I don’t want to go back home and admit that I can’t even look out for myself!”

“You think that he won’t want you now that he knows.”

“He deserves to be with someone he can make love to. Someone he doesn’t have to protect and baby every time something happens. Someone he doesn’t have to wait forever for.” Kili’s face was clouded with grief.

“And if it hadn’t been for the attack and the problems you have now, do you believe you would desire him physically?”

“I would, I mean, yeah!” Kili perked up. “He’s beautiful and perfect and sexy. I would so want to be in there!”

“But you could be physical with him. Give yourself a do-over, so to speak. He knows it is your first time, that you have very little experience, and if he’s everything you say he is he will be considerate of that.”

“But what if it’s bad?” Kili argued. _“What if I’m bad?”_

Galadriel sat back and considered this. “We often have great misconceptions about what out first time will be like. We don’t expect the awkwardness and discomfort that comes with the physical act of love, at least until we learn our partners and become comfortable with each other. But if you are both wanting to expand your physical relationship there is no reason you should not do so.”

Kili thought about that. _“But I want to make it good for him._ I don’t want him to have to want for me to catch up, but I’m not ready to, um…” he exhaled and gripped the journal in his hands tightly. _“I’m too afraid to go back there.”_

* * *

 

 

_“So… I’m your spider?”_

Kili looked up at Fili from where he had been rubbing his cheek against Fili’s bare belly. _“Sort of, yeah.”_ They lay on Fili’s big bed dressed in pajama pants and Kili had surprised him with a desire to slowly and carefully explore his body, at least the safer parts of it, anyway. “It’s the gradual exposure to something that makes you frightened or uncomfortable that is supposed to help you let go of that fear.”

“Kili,” Fili reached down and touched his hair. “Do I make you feel that way?”

Kili shook his head. “No. But I think you’re the only one I could feel okay about touching this way. If this isn’t good for you I’ll stop.”

“No, no,” Fili responded. “This is good. Do it all you want.” This was more than good, actually. He had worried this would never happen for them and Kili’s desire to press skin with him and run his hands over him was very welcome. He let his head fall back on the pillow, closed his eyes and tried to force his cock to behave while Kili touched him. Kili’s hands were warm and he was peppering Fili’s skin with little breathy kisses that made him shiver with every touch of his lips. His feet flexed on the sheets and he tried very hard to hold still, but he couldn’t help kneading his fingers through the dark curls on Kili’s head. Kili’s hand brushed tentatively over his erection a few times, making his cock jump enthusiastically. It was only his understanding of how important this was that kept Fili from rolling him over and devouring all those kisses in long, passionate hours.

They had recently returned to their late night kissing sessions on the sofa and Fili no longer slept in the living room, the two of them bundling tightly together against the night.

“I need to go back to my apartment,” Kili had whispered in the darkness.

“Now?” Fili asked sleepily.

“No, to live. I should be living on my own like I was before the panic attacks started. I’m off the meds and my therapy is going well. Mom and Wyn are back home. I should be too.”

_“Wait, why?”_ Fili was suddenly awake.

“Because you can’t keep taking care of me,” Kili answered. “This – whatever this is going to be – it can’t grow up around you being my caretaker.”

“I don’t want you to go. I’d miss you.”

“But I have to.” Kili had been resolute and had packed his things and moved back to his room in the rental house the next day where the bed was cold and uncomfortable and Fili wasn’t there to hold him. Fili spent his evenings texting him until he fell asleep and then sulking on the couch with the tv on. He was surly and didn’t feel like working on his show, going to assignments with professional resolve but not enjoying any of it. Kili returned to his classes at the college and his jobs and they saw each other when they could. Ori finally put an end to it one night when he walked past the gargoyle on the couch and asked, “Why don’t you just ask him to move in? There’s been no living with you since he left. You’re like Rusty in jeans and a plaid shirt.”

Fili looked over at the large orange cat curled up on the seat of the recliner. It was actually the best seat in the living room but he knew better than to try to dislodge the animal and sit down. He was a malevolent spirit in the condo, only allowing himself to be coddled and carried about by Kili’s mother. Everyone else he drew blood on and he could be patient in seeking retribution. On more than one occasion Fili had woken to find the big animal staring at him from close range, ears tilted back and teeth sticking out of his mouth. Inevitably Fili would go out into the condo or down into the garage and find something breakable cast down from a high place. On more than one occasion he had contemplated throttling the animal but he wasn’t really sure that he would come out on the winning end. “That bad?”

“Oh you got it bad,” Ori answered. “Just call him because I can’t stand it.”

That night, kissing on the sofa, Fili came up for air. _“I want you to stay.”_

_“Tonight?”_ Kili asked. _“I have school.”_

_“No, I mean, I want you to move in.”_

_“I’m doing okay at the apartment.”_

_“But I’m not. I miss you and Ori says I’m grumpy.”_

_“I miss you too.”_

“So give your notice and move your things in here. I really want you to.” They moved kissing into the bedroom and snuggled together on the big bed, Fili stroking Kili’s hair. “You’re too much a part of my life to let go of. I need you with me.” They slotted their bodies together, Fili pulling the other’s leg up over his hip. Slowly moving together, Kili sighed as gentle kisses mouthed over his throat. Erections moved against each other through soft flannel sleep pants and strong arms wrapped around him, safe and good and he needed this so bad. He heard himself panting _“Yes,”_ and _“please”_ and he fisted his hands into Fili’s shirt as his orgasm built up inside of him. It rolled up from his core and he squeezed his eyes shut, convulsing quietly into his lover as he came. Later Fili held him on his chest and whispered, _“I love you Kili. I don’t ever want to be without you.”_

 

 

 

 

_Well you have suffered enough_  
And warred with yourself  
It's time that you won  
  
Take this sinking boat  
And point it home  
We've still got time,  
Raise your hopeful voice  
You had the choice,  
You've made it now*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little forward progress for the boys. I felt everybody needed it.
> 
> *Falling Slowly by The Frames  
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HHgwMR7KGJM&feature=kp


	9. “Illuminations: Part Two”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just some of the day-to-day life for the boys, pho noodles and what happened to Kili's arm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been ill and away from my writing duties. Now I am entirely back-up. Will do my best!
> 
> (All about pho noodles at the end!)

 

 

 

 

 

**_“Illuminations: Part Two”_ **

****

****

 

 

 

Sunday morning and they had nothing to do for a change, at least for the early hours and that meant huddling under the super-soft quilt Dis had sent them like warm baby squirrels; sleepy, scruffy and unshaven. Fili scratched at his belly. “We really need a shower.”

“Let’s go get waffles,” Kili mused. “Let’s go to that buffet. They have lingonberry crepes and salmon and poached eggs, mmmm…”

“How do you eat so much?” Fili asked. “You never show it. I gained ten pounds while your mother was here.”

“I have a high metabolism. It’s all the dancing.” Kili was doing aerial training with Legolas now on top of his regular workout. He idly scratched at a patch of dry skin on his left hand.

Fili took a deep breath. “Kili?”

“Mmm…?”

“What happened to your left arm?”

Kili pulled his arm out from under the blankets, holding it out in the dim light of their room. “You mean these?”

“Yeah.”

He paused for a long time. Fili wasn’t sure that he shouldn’t just change the subject to something else. “That’s where I was stabbed with a pair of scissors by a young woman suffering from psychosis,” he finally answered.

“Wait, _what?”_ Fili was shocked, everything grinding to a halt. How could Kili be so matter-of-fact about a crazy person trying to kill him. “When did this happen?”

“Back in San Francisco, after Bradley. She was part of our theater group - my dance partner.” He traced his fingers over the scars. “She was living at home and her parents were supposed to be supervising her medication, but they weren’t. After what happened I went to pieces, so did she. She had developed a delusion that we were a real couple. I wasn’t together enough to notice. In the end she was texting and calling me every moment of the day, showing up places she thought I would be.”

“And your arm?”

“She broke into my apartment in the middle of the night and tried to stab me… did stab me. My roommates heard the noise and stopped her. After _that_ healed I came down here for a weekend and this just felt like the place I should be.”

“I’m glad you did,” Fili pulled him close and nuzzled into his neck. He wasn’t sure if it had been the right thing to ask.

“Me too. It’s been hard, you know?”

“What has?”

“Bringing all this back into the open when I had fought so hard to hide it. I didn’t want anyone to know, but I didn’t do a very good job at hiding it. My group has been after me to tell you about her. I have to learn to compartmentalize and look back at it objectively.”

“I don’t think I could be objective about that.”

“It’s different. Where Bradley was an evil person who victimized people, Lauren was schizophrenic and not in control of her actions. I can’t keep hiding what happened,” he settled against Fili’s shoulder.

“I don’t want you to hide anything from me, ok?” Fili rubbed his hand softly over Kili’s bare arm. “I will always be here to protect you.”

“But what if you’re not? What if something happens and you’re not there?”

“I can teach you some basic self-defense moves. You know, just to keep you far enough away from trouble to run if you need to.”

“When did you start with martial arts?”

Fili climbed up and pulled him into a heated kiss. “When I was twelve. I had two older brothers and I was always undersized.”

Kili cupped his groin in his palm. “I don’t know about the undersized part.”

Fili lavished hot kisses down his throat. “Let’s take a shower.”

“Then breakfast.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“Ok, now do that last pose again.”

“It’s called a position.”

“Fine, Mr. Fancy-Pants. Position.”

“Keep that up and _position_ will not be something you will be in any time soon.”

Fili giggled as he watched his partner slide gracefully into position on his monitor. The two of them had been playfully bantering since he had seen Kili in his dance belt while they were changing outfits. “If I had known you were all wearing those I would have taken ballet more seriously.”

“Don’t you wear one when you go to the dojo?”

“Jock strap with a cup – sturdier than what you’ve got, probably not as comfy. But there have been times that I’ve been really glad to have it!” The barre at Legolas’ studio had a mirror behind it so he had to set up his camera in one spot but his laptop, cables and everything else had to be clear of the reflection. The lighting had been tricky as well. “It’s no good.”

“Why? Do we need to try another?”

“Can’t focus,” Fili’s eyes were sparkling and his dimples shown from across the room. “Keep thinking of you prancing around in your little black g-string there.”

 _“Really?!”_ Kili turned to look at him. “You are so sleeping on the sofa.”

He had intended to get floor shots of Kili and aerial shots of Legolas but now Fili was thinking. “If we have time I’d like to get some shots of the two of you together.”

“We can do that,” Legolas answered, walking in from the other room. Together they turned sideways to the camera and slid gracefully together, their like bodies matching for height and build, Legolas behind Kili.

“Yeah, that’s nice,” Fili called over from behind the monitor. “More like that please.”

Legolas tilted Kili slowly over, allowing him to move into a traditional arabesque. He leaned out, sliding one hand underneath Kili’s outstretched wrist and the other beneath the extended leg. “That’s beautiful.”

“Thank you,” Legolas answered as he pulled the extended leg up further, pressing the knee up and pulling Kili’s arm up, arching his back, the camera clicking away quietly on the end of it’s tether. “Bring it up,” he said softly. The strain was obvious on Kili’s face, yet he brought himself up and back as far as he could go, Fili watching from the side.

He heard Gimli quietly walk in and sit next to him. “Wow.”

“I know,” Fili replied. “I feel like I’m filming porn.”

“A few home movies never hurt,” Gimli commented as the dancers in front of them returned to their original positions.

“That was awesome,” Fili put down his cable and moved to save the images he had captured. “Do you two think you could lift each other?”

“With some practice first,” Legolas looked a lot more confident than Kili did about it. They both trotted around the table to look at their pictures. Fili had not realized just how strong and athletic male ballet dancers were until he watched Kili do it in front of the camera and now he wanted a few large images for his show. The four of them scrolled through rough footage, Gimli stopping them to admire a shot of Legolas performing a grand jete leap past the camera, seeming to float without effort.

“Hey, Blondie,” Gimli tightened his arms around his partner’s waist.

“Hey,” Legolas leaned back into him happily.

“Wear that leopard-skin dance belt for me later?” Kili and Fili broke out in a fit of uncontrollable snickering.

“I own no such item,” he answered with great dignity.

“Oh, baby, don’t be that way,” Gimli laughed, kissing him firmly on the cheek. “You know I love you.”

Fili looked over and stole a kiss. “So… do those come in leopard-print?”

“I’m going to send you to the dojo in a _My Little Ponie_ cup protector.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“Hi Mom!” The joyous sound that tumbled from Kili’s cell phone could only be Dis’ voice. “Guess what I’m doing right now?” He was dressed in loose shorts and an old t-shirt, his hair pulled back into a bun at the base of his neck. “Fili’s going to start teaching me some self-defense techniques from his dojo. No, it won’t mess with my dance. My knee is fine. Did you like the pictures?! Just wait, there’ll be more soon.” Fili had set time aside to start Kili on the basic forms from his dojo. These were just the basic stances and reactive motions that all new students were started on and which formed the foundation of movement and balance for the rest of their lessons. Fili appeared in a pair of lightweight, white cloth pants and a tank top. “It’s my Mom,” Kili pointed at the phone.

“Hi, Mom!” Fili called out.

“She says hi,” Kili relayed. “And sends hugs. And says to watch my knee.”

“Tell her I promise to be careful,” Fili replied seriously. This had been a concern of his until he watched Kili and Legolas work out together. Nothing he would be teaching him today would be as stressful. Kili handed him the phone. “Wait, ah, Hi! Hi Mom! Yes, I’m watching the knee. Just some evasive maneuvers so he can run away. Promise. Okay. You too.”

“Okay,” he told Kili. “These forms you are going to do over and over until they become muscle memory. You’ll do them on reflex and not have to think about them.”

“And then I can break boards and smash bricks?”

“No!” Fili laughed as he showed Kili how to stand and nudged him into position. “I do that. You are going to be able to deflect blows that are aimed at you and run away.”

“Sort of like, wax on, wax off?”

“Yeah, Fili laughed. “Like that.”

 

 

 

Later when they had showered away the sweat and sprawled on the sofa with Ori, the dogs and Pho Noodle take-away Kili asked, “What’s it like to have brothers?”

“Well, as I was the youngest and smallest of the brood,” Fili answered. “I was a frequent target for assassination. They tried to do me in all the time, usually by throwing me off the roof of the house or by knocking me out of trees. A few broken arms later and my parents signed me up for martial arts lessons so I could learn how to stand up for myself.”

“They did not try to kill you, did they?” Kili asked while defending his soup from Stanly the Pug.

“In nature, very often larger fledglings will attempt to bully the smallest out of its share of food and their parents’ attentions,” Ori answered.

“I thought that was just me and my sister,” Kili answered around a mouthful of noodles.

“Oh, I love your sister,” Ori ladled sweet chili sauce into his bowl. “She didn’t beat you up did she?”

“All the time. And she was always tattling on me. _Mom! Kili took my makeup brushes! Mom! Kili used my pantyhose!_ Man, she could leave a bruise on your arm!” Fili and Ori dissolved into laughter. “On the other hand she kept people from picking on me when I went to dance class. It was all that field hockey.”

“I was an only child,” Ori slurped. “My brothers raised me. It made for an interesting childhood.”

“Your middle brother scares me,” Fili dug the boiled egg out of his bowl.

“Why?” asked Kili.

“He’s this nefarious underworld figure,” answered Fili.

“He’s a foreign antiquities dealer.”

“The cat doesn’t bite him.”

Kili looked at Ori. “I thought the only ones he lets touch him are my mom and sister.”

“They have some kind of understanding,” Ori commented. “My older brother has an organic teashop. He’s the one who always took care of me.”

“Wait, how could you be an only child if you have two brothers?” Kili asked.

“Because I came along so late, and my mother passed away so soon afterwards. She was supposed to be post-menopausal, but oops! Nori was always out of the country so Dori stepped in and got full custody of me.”

“To family,” Fili raised his beer. The other two clinked their bottles against his. “To family.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

At the next group therapy day Kili sat in his chair at the circle and shared about his arm, the attack and about telling Fili. _“So now that you brought it into the open_ ,” the moderator asked. _“How big of a fear is that for you now?”_

“It’s not sitting in front of me, like the other issue.” Kili rubbed his arm thoughtfully. “I mean, it still happened, but it’s not such a huge mound of self-doubt. I mean, I know why it happened and it didn’t have anything to do with me. Her illness going out of control was like a drunk driver or an earthquake – I just happened to be there. But my anxiety over everything else kept me from seeing it that way. But she’s in permanent care now; I’ll never see her again.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

That night it rained lightly, just a cool pattering on the roof and on the street. Kili woke briefly, no longer expecting the sound of broken glass. He listened to the sounds of the house for a while and then realized he didn’t know what time it was. He wiggled back into the warm arms holding him to be rewarded by his lover pulling him in close, practically covering him in the darkness.  Kili closed his eyes and let the storm roll on without him.  

 

 

 

 

<http://youtu.be/dpU1zYRkvRs>

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, those special padded support underwear male ballet dancers wear are called "dance belts". They offer support, protection and help stop your boys from making their own appearance in front of the audience.


	10. "“Mio Dolce Amore”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Valentine's Day and Fili & Kili finally get down to it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought the boys deserved a little smutly happiness after everything they've been through.

****

****

**_“Mio Dolce Amore”_ **

****

****

 

 

Kili lay on his left side, Fili’s arms strong and rock-solid around him as he pressed kisses and whispered hotly into the back of his neck and shoulder. _“Just relax, baby. Let me do all the work.”_ They were naked, skin overheated and flushed as Fili thrust into him again and again, spooning into him from behind. _“Oh, yes,”_ he panted quietly. _“You’re so big. It feels so good!”_ It was Valentines’ Day and finally there they were, hotly entwined, Fili making every thrust count.

It had been a long road for the two of them. Even after they moved all his things over and Kili became an official resident of the condo he and Fili continued _“kisses & cuddles on the sofa” _on nights Ori had work. Only now Kili would click the remote and pull Fili into the bedroom, kneeling on the bed to slowly undress his lover. Fili liked the way Kili admired his compact form, muscles tight from years working construction and in the dojo. Kili would pull the clothes off from his long, graceful body and let Fili chase him up onto the bed, their fevered skin sparking where it rubbed together, and Fili would press him down into the mattress and mouth at his neck while their erections rubbed shamelessly against each other and they would come, covering each other in sticky ropes of seed. Kili’s libido was reasserting itself now that he had given himself permission to trust his lover and enjoy his body. He was safe under Fili’s strong hands and thick cock, knowing that if he said _enough_ he would be heard. To be the subject of Fili’s more experienced ministrations soon became as necessary as breathing.

Some things he did know how to do and he would follow Fili into the shower after a workout, slide to his knees in the water and take Fili’s length into his mouth, leaving his partner gasping and scrambling for something to hold onto. He would work his tongue around and under the head, flicking the tip into the slit and rubbing his fingers on the sensitive spot behind his balls, then take as much as he could into his mouth and _suck_ over and over, his brown eyes peering up at his lover through lush, black lashes while Fili lost control and came apart in his hands.

Several times Fili walked past Kili while he was “doing homework” on his laptop only to see Kili suspiciously click webpages off. Once he waited until Kili left the room and peeked at his browser history, feeling not at all guilty. _How to Bottom_ was the most frequently searched for item. Another time he opened an image search for _men in women’s lingerie._ The thought of Kili in thigh-high stockings and little satin panties made him so hard that he had to excuse himself to the downstairs bathroom. There were three or four places in town that catered to such needs and he would have to call and see who offered gift cards. Maybe he could slip some into Kili’s Valentine’s Day card to let him know that any such actions would be pre-approved on his part.

Two weeks before Valentines’ Day Fili caught him coming out of the shower, took him in his arms and pulled him down into the ragged old armchair Fili called his Captain’s Chair. _“Hey Baby,”_ he whispered.

_“Hey.”  
_

Kili relaxed into his arms as Fili ran his hands over his damp skin and relaxed muscles, kissing him gently. They had a hard time keeping their hands off of each other and Fili admired his lovers’ long, graceful form openly and without reserve. Kili loved to nestle into him and run his hands over Fili’s strong chest and shoulders. Now they just kissed and touched and whispered quiet loving words to each other and Kili’s breath hitched when Fili’s hand slid down his back, cupping his backside and brushing his fingertips over his entrance.

_“We’re not there yet,”_ was what Kili wanted to say. What he did was moan softly as strong arms cradled him and a warm mouth worked along his throat.

_“We haven’t done this yet,”_ was what Kili intended to say as Fili dipped his tongue into his collarbone and stroked his entrance gently.

Fili lifted him, moving him gently to the edge of the bed where he turned him over and laid him down on his stomach. He stroked his fingertips across Kili’s heated skin, leaving a trail of kisses and nibbles across his thighs and buttocks. _“Are we doing this?”_ Kili wanted to ask but he could only gasp into the sheets as a tongue slid across and around his entrance. He whimpered and tried feebly to crawl away but gentle hands caressed over his legs and back and he melted down in a warm puddle of goo at the unexpected attentions. Rather than try to penetrate him Fili insisted on running the tip of his tongue around his entrance, stopping only to blow warm breath on him and slide a hand around to grasp his erection.

Kili shuddered and relaxed into it, making himself lay there and allow it to be done to him. _“I haven’t done this yet,”_ was all he could manage to choke out. In response, the hand holding his over-sensitized erection began to pump him rhythmically while the tongue flickered and probed, a thumb gently swiping over the head until he couldn’t take it any more. _“Fili, Fili I’m… I can’t…”_ and then he was loosing himself into his lover’s arms, sinking into wet sheets while his lover fisted himself above his wrecked figure.

Later as they held each other in the dim light Fili whispered _“When you are ready we’ll go shopping and buy several different kinds of lube and a big box of condoms.”_

_“A big box of big condoms,”_ came the sleepy reply.

_“Mphhh… okay…”_

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Valentines’ Day rolled around early, or at least for Fili it did and Kili woke alone, a red velvet cupcake and a red envelope on his bedside table. He wiped the sleep out of his eyes, licked the cream cheese frosting from the cupcake’s top and opened the envelope. Inside was a Brokeback Mountain Valentine card and several gift cards to specialty clothing shops around town. _“Oh, really?”_ he mused. Fili would get his gifts later, right now they were hidden on the closet shelf.

His golden lover was downstairs making sure he was ready for the day’s first photo shoot. He had been contracted to take formal portraits of several of the more prominent local Queens in this year’s Valentines regalia. Then he was on assignment with a local paper to photograph some of the local events hosted by small businesses. After that it was back to a Private Crew Ball to photograph more of the Queens and then after _that_ they would all be heading over to _Razzle_ where both Legolas and Kili would be doing aerials on the pole.

Fili was already well-past coffee and had the suv halfway packed before Kili wandered out into the kitchen, squinting like a baby kitten into the sunlight. “Happy Valentines’ Day?” he groaned.

“You’re up early,” Fili passed him a cup of coffee.

“Meh,” Kili took a sip. “I can’t believe I have classes today.”

“We’ll stop long enough for lunch this afternoon,” Fili leaned in for a kiss. “It’s gonna be crazy day today.”

“Good thing you didn’t take on too many holiday jobs.” Kili reached in and cupped him through his jeans.

“Hey now,” Fili quipped. “Better get to it.”

After Fili drove away Kili popped his laptop open and looked up the stores where Fili had bought his gift cards while finishing his coffee. “ _Ooo…_ _Happy Birthday Mister President…”_

Ori wandered through, holding a new coffee mug with pictures of his dogs on it from a gift basket from Fili & Kili. “Morning. Is there coffee?” He scooped a little chocolate mint cocoa powder into his mug and grabbed a biscotti.

“There’s always coffee.”

“So wha’d he get you? Oh, that’s cute!” Ori exclaimed, looking over the screen.

“I know, right? Legolas and I are doing aerials at _Razzle_ tonight but I’d like to put something together for later.” Kili pulled a box of cereal down off the shelf.

“Will you have time to shop after school?” Ori pulled a tin of steel cut oats from the cupboard and a small pan for the stove.

“Yeah, he’s gonna be tied up all afternoon – and not by me!” He managed to spill some of his sugared flakes, causing the two small dogs at his feet into a frenzy of hoovering. “Oops!”

Ori shook his head. “They’re becoming a pair of hopeless beggars. They know you’re just a cheap meal away.” Kili laughed. “So,” Ori returned to the subject of their conversation. “From experience as his roommate I can assure you he likes these,” Ori pointed towards the screen. “And that, _and those…”_

“Really?” Kili asked with raised brows. “Who knew Mr. Toolbelt was such a lace-chaser?!”

“He’s a terrible romantic,” Ori put in. “He loves candles and flowers and his significant other decked out in lace and ruffles.”

“I can do lace and ruffles!” Kili switched between tabs, plotting out his new outfit.

 

 

* * *

 

 

  

Later that day Kili sat on the floor of Legolas’ studio, stretching his legs on a black mat. “Do you and Red do anything special for Valentine’s Day?”

Legolas spun past him slowly, his perfect form seeming to float over the hardwood floor. “We went to brunch at The Sky Room, which is why I’m so sluggish.”

Kili whistled. He wouldn’t even be able to get reservations for somewhere like that. Legolas’ father’s name opened a lot of doors. “Was it the tasting menu or the Champaign?”

_“Champaign, of course. We had our own tasting menu beforehand.”_ They both giggled. “Still, I like getting my little troll all dressed up every once in a while. Plus, he’s a big tipper so all the wait staff in town love him.” He pulled over his cell phone to show off pics of Gimli in a dark suit and tie.

“Well my little troll got himself assignments all day today. He gave me some very nice lingerie gift cards but he’s not going to get to see any of it until tonight after _Razzle.”_

“Here, stand up next to me,” Legolas told him. “See if you can lift me.” Kili slipped his hands onto either side of Legolas’ waist and gripped him firmly. Legolas placed his hands on Kili’s shoulders and Kili lifted firmly, pushing up and bracing his foot back. “How’s the knee?”

“Holding up just fine.” They held a hard line, masculine and angular. It took a lot of strength on Kili’s part and a careful sense of balance on the part of Legolas. They didn’t notice the sound of the door opening. “Wow!” Gimli sat down to watch. He had traded his suit in on his regular denim and leather and let his dreads down. “This gonna be part of Fili’s exhibit?”

“I hope so,” Kili replied, carefully brining Legolas back down. Once his feet were on the floor Legolas trotted over to where his lover was sitting and carefully climbed up into his lap, long legs wrapping around a stout waist. “Hey Baby,” Gimli smiled lovingly.

Kili’s phone chirruped in his bag. He grabbed it to check the text. “Ehhh! I have to go shopping for lingerie with Ori and out to lunch with Fili and then we have to all get over to _Razzle_ for the party tonight.”

“Go,” Legolas told him. “We’ll see you tonight.”

Kili changed back into his street clothes and darted out the door. Gimli pulled the tie from Legolas’ blond ponytail and ran his fingers through the pale locks. “Hey Pretty.”

“Hey.”

“How much time until we need to head out?”

“We have a couple of hours.”

“Give me a lap dance?”

“Lap dance? You want a lap dance?”

“Yeah. I want to see you in your new outfit.”

“Outfit you get when we come home tonight. But I can give you the full show right now.”

“I love you so much.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

Shopping accomplished and a quick lunch with Fili behind him Kili caught a ride with Ori to _Razzle_ where he could change in the back room. Gimli and Legolas were already there, doing a light and sound check for that night’s party. Kili ducked into one of the dressing rooms in back and swapped out his jeans and t-shirt for a black dance belt and a pair of red shorts with hearts all over them. He slipped his Tom’s back on and trotted out to the platform where Gimli’s rig was set up.

“Look at you!” Gimli greeted him. Legolas put his checklist down and gave him the once-over. “Very nice.”

“Thanks!” Kili climbed up on the platform. “Is there anything I can help with?”

“Let me get changed and we can tape our feet up,” Legolas offered. “Security will be on the door in about an hour but we won’t have any real crowd in here until after 11.”

Ori walked by with a clipboard. “None of the people on this guest list will show up before midnight, so we have plenty of time.”

Back at the dressing rooms Kili confessed his nervousness to Legolas about the rest of the evening as they sat on the floor, covering their feet in heavy medical tape to protect them. “It’s not just being on the pole,” he checked his toes for new injuries. “But later tonight I was planning on it being _the_ night for me an Fili.”

_“The night?”_ asked Legolas, his eyebrows raised.

“You know what I mean. I went out and bought special lube and condoms and everything. I’m just not sure how to ask him.”

Legolas laughed not unkindly. “You don’t have to ask. When you two get home run upstairs for a shower, get yourself cleaned up and dress up in one of your new outfits. Give him the lube and condoms and he’ll do the rest.”

“You sure I don’t have to say anything about it?”

“Trust me,” Legolas spun the roll of tape in his fingers. “He’s been waiting for this since the day the two of you first met.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

That night Kili took his first turn on the pole at _Razzle_ , he and Legolas alternating in front of the audience. There were several dance cages but just one pole located in front of Gimli’s rig. The pole was off-limits to everyone unless they had shown they knew how to use it and there was a big difference between doing it in Legolas’ studio and doing it in public with stage lights and people watching. He stood with Fili and watched Legolas make it look easy.

“You oaky, baby?” Fili whispered into his hair. He was being very attentive, snuggling Kili up to him. “Yeah, it’s a lot harder than it looks.”

“Well you looked amazing up there and I can’t wait to photograph you guys.”

“Legolas is better at aerials than I am,” Kili commented. “He has gymnastics in his background as well as ballet. But I’m stronger than he is, which is why I’m doing the lifting.”

The guest list attendees started rolling in after midnight, there was only one drunken fight, a dozen people were ejected by security and Fili drank enough to commandeer a cage shirtless and dance for Kili, who caught the whole thing on his phone. Finally Legolas nudged him towards the door. “We’ll have enough people here to close up. I think you still have something to attend to at home…”

Once home Fili took some time to finish putting away some of the gear he had left out in crates in the garage while Kili went up to shower. He was surprised to find the bedroom door locked. “Kili?” he tapped lightly, concerned.

“Just a minute!” Kili’s voice called from inside. Okay, he’d wait. Kili had been acting squirrely all night. Several times he’d caught Kili, Legolas and Ori with their heads together conspiratorially only to break apart like nothing was going on. He head the door click open. “Fili?”

He followed the sound of Kili’s voice in to find the dark room lit by tea candles in glass holders and Kili himself reclining on the bed wearing red lace panties, garters and stockings. “Kili, this is… wow!”

“I hope this is okay,” Kili got onto his knees and pulled two small bags up off of the bed. “But the girl at the toy store helped me pick these out. This lube helps you to relax and this lube takes the sting away and she said to use these condoms…”

“Kili…”

“And I know we said we would go together and pick things out and…”

“Kili!”

“…I probably should have talked with you about it first…” Fili stepped forward and silenced him with a kiss that turned long, deep and slow. He mouthed heatedly at Kili’s neck. “You look so beautiful!”

“I wasn’t sure if you wanted to or not.”

Fili pushed himself back long enough to strip off his shirt and unfasten his belt. “You will never need to ask me twice.” He leaned back in and chased Kili up onto the pillows, running his hand over his lover’s ruffle-covered ass. “I really like these!”

“I bought them with one of those gift cards you gave me. Oh, hello there!” Fili had managed to kick off his jeans and was grinding an outstanding erection eagerly against him. “I am rock hard for you right now!” He turned Kili away from him, grinding into his backside and reaching around front to pull out his lover’s erect cock, nipping and sucking at his collarbone as he went.

Kili arched back into him. “Oh, yes!” Fili thrust himself up against the texture of the lace ruffles as he stroked Kili rhythmically. “Baby I love you,” he panted. “You are so beautiful.”

“So you like your surprise?”

“Surprise me like this every day!” Fili snapped the tabs on the garter open and slid the lace panties down and off. Then he took Kili in his arms and unsnapped one of the bottles of lube. “Is this what you three were being so secretive about?”

“Yeah, um, I was a little nervous and… oh…” Fili’s lubed fingers brushed up against his entrance. Then they were inside him and it was wet and delicious and felt both strange and good at the same time. Normally Fili would have taken a lot longer than this, kissing and coaxing his lovers’ arousal, but he had waited so long he just wanted them to be there. He slowed himself. “Does this feel good for you, Baby? Is this what you want?”

“Yes, I want this,” Kili panted. “I’m just…”

“Worried?”

“Worried that it won’t be good for us and you won’t like it and…”

“Baby,” Fili kissed him gently. “This will be plenty good for me. The moment it stops being good for you tell me and I’ll fix it.”

“With your toolbelt?” Kili asked.

Fili laughed. “Yes,” he slid a second finger in and over Kili’s prostrate, drawing a gasp of pleasure from his lover. “I have all the tools you need, Baby.”

He took an extra-long time on the stretch and when he rolled the condom on and whispered, “Are you ready for me?” the answer was a breathless, “Yes!” He laid Kili on his left side, his arms strong and rock-solid around him as he pressed kisses and whispered hotly into the back of his neck and shoulder. _“Just relax, baby. Let me do all the work.”_ Their skin overheated and flushed as Fili thrust into him again and again, spooning into him from behind. _“Oh, yes,”_ Kili moaned. _“You’re so big. It feels so good!”_ Fili reached around and gently stroked Kili’s erection just the way he liked, keeping time to his thrusts. Kili was whimpering now, squirming in his arms, his cock leaking all over Fili’s hand.

_“I can’t hold it…”_ Kili panted. _“Please Fili!”_

_“Come for me,”_ Fili held him tightly and stroked his erection faster. _“Let it go Baby!”_ Kili cried out and hot fluid poured out over Fili’s hand, clenching tightly around Fili’s cock. Fili thrust twice more and then was losing himself in his own orgasm, holding onto Kili because that was all that mattered, this man in his arms, trusting him, loving him, feeling safe enough to let Fili make love to him.

Carefully he withdrew and walked to the bathroom to dispose of the condom and grab a towel. He cleaned them both up, mopped up the sheet, gently divested his lover of his remaining clothing and tucked them both into bed. “Thank you,” Kili whispered. “Thank you for waiting for me, thank you for being so gentle.”

“Thank you for letting me be your first,” Fili gently kissed his forehead. _“Mio dolce amore.”_

“My sweet love,” Kili echoed back to him as he felt himself starting to drift off. Fili pulled him up on his chest to lay near his heart and watched him sleep as the lights slowly burned out around them.

 

 

 

 

 

_“Falling slowly, eyes that know me_  
And I can't go back  
Moods that take me and erase me  
And I'm painted black  
You have suffered enough  
And warred with yourself  
It's time that you won”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Falling Slowly   
> “Once” soundtrack  
> http://youtu.be/k8mtXwtapX4


	11. “Through The Fish Eye Lens”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Do you ever wonder,” Fili began. “You know, what marriage would be like?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's Fili's big night and Bilbo sets a splendid table!

 

 

 

 

**_“Through The Fish Eye Lens”_ **

****

****

 

 

_“It’s okay to say it. I understand.”_

_“It’s not that, it’s just…”_

_“My feet are ugly.”_

Fili looked up from his camera. “No, I love everything about you.”

“Including my ugly feet.”

 _“I don’t think they’re ugly!”_ Fili made his adjustments and walked over to his monitor to check the shot. Kili was sitting on the mat in dance shorts, his feet to the front and pointed down, thoroughly wrapped in white medical tape. “I just had no idea dancers had so many injuries.”

Kili looked out over the tops of his knees. “This is nothing,” he answered. “You should see ballerina feet. Bleagh!”

“Now that’s just mean!”

“They hurt themselves so bad! Jumping _en point,_ folding their ankles. It’s awful!”

“That’s good, just hold that.” Fili picked up the cable and clicked the button. Kili had become accustomed to the flashing light and the click of the camera.

“Are you nervous about next week?” Kili stretched forward, spreading his hands out over his feet and laying his head down.

Fili pulled his fists into his lap and sucked in a deep breath. “No?”

Kili pulled his legs up and patted the mat in front of him. “I threw-up backstage the night of my first performance.”

Fili sat himself down on the matt and took Kili’s foot in his hands and started to kneed it. “This is my first gallery showing and, so… nope! Not nervous at all!”

Kili laughed. “Do you know what I think?”

“What do you think?”

“I think that everyone’s going to love it, people will be begging to buy prints and that you need to be doing me right now.” He leaned in close. “That’s what I think!”

Fili met him halfway, soft lips pressing against his. In less than a week his photography would be on display in a Los Angeles gallery, people would be judging his work and thereby judging him. Taking pictures for money was easy. Well, _easier._ But this was sort of his secret life put on display and, if he would admit it, he really didn’t like being on display all that much. “I think,” Kili moaned, hands pawing at Fili’s belt. “That we should make a sex tape!”

“I will… a _what?_ ” He tried to sit back but Kili’s hands were in his jeans and he felt himself falling backwards onto the matt. He gasped as his lover’s mouth slid down over his rapidly swelling erection, driving coherent thought from his mind. _“Oh, Kili!”_ Kili only hummed in reply and slid his fingers down, cupping his sack until Fili could only lay there and breathe, all thoughts of the show gone from his mind. Kili worked his way back up his lover’s heavy cock, hollowing his cheeks as he sucked, running the tip of his tongue around and over the head, dipping into the slit as Fili fisted his hands into his hair. Fili had been running around in circles, tense and anxious over the show, making everyone around him crazy. He had obsessed over the prints, made himself sick over the choice of mat framing, kept changing his mind over what to show. As he came apart under Kili’s hands he was mercifully relieved of all thoughts and aware only of the angel who was moving up to lay in his arms as he caught his breath. _“I love you.”_

_“Luv too…”_

 

* * *

 

 

 

Ori set his laptop up on the coffee table and logged into the gallery website to check the RSVP list for opening night of the show. “Looks like attendance is going to be good. Everyone we invited from down here is going, of course.” He clicked through the list while Fili nervously flitted about behind the sofa. “And… look like some of the gallery patrons are coming as well. A lot of people Angie marked as _enthusiastic buyers_ also said yes. I hope we ordered enough prints! Oh, your cousin Bilbo said yes! Is he back in the states?”

“Yeah,” Fili slid onto the sofa next to him. “I got a txt yesterday. I want to take Kili to meet him.”

Kili walked out of the bedroom, phone pressed to his ear. “Can we put my uncle Thorin on the guest list? Mom told him about the show and he’s going to be in Los Angeles so he wants to see it.”

“Sure, what’s his last name?”

“Thrainson.”

“Done. Oh look! Both Legolas’ and Gimli’s fathers are going to be there. In the same room. _Together…”_

“Oh, God,” Fili began to perspire. “Are we insured?”

“The gallery is and they’ll have security. I’m sure they’ll behave.”

It was getting closer to the day and Fili had been driving up to L.A. delivering boxes of framed photographs for hanging, extras for the sale, adjusting the lighting, trying to decide what would hang where. He had small shows in local galleries, sharing space with other artists, friends and clients stopping in to admire and buy prints. This was his first major show and he would have the whole gallery to himself for the opening and it was going to be covered by a local arts & entertainment publication, clients with money would see his work. If this went well it would make all the weddings all the editorial, all the fill he had photographed worth it. To say he was worried was an understatement. Kili and Ori shored him up on either side and kept him pointed in the right direction.

He squeezed his eyes shut and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I just keep thinking of all the things that can go wrong.” His phone buzzed in his pocket, making him jump.

_Do you have time for dinner before your show? I have some new recipes I’d like to try out on you. B._

Fili stared at the phone for a moment as if it were shouting hieroglyphics at him, then hit the reply button. _Dinner would be great. Have someone I want you to meet. When?_

_How about tonight? I brought back some excellent wine. I’ll see you at six. B._

Fili smiled. His cousin Bilbo was one of the few people he knew who txt’d the same way he wrote letters. Or who wrote letters for that matter! He was also Fili’s link to his family in Arizona, whom he hadn’t seen in ten years, exchanging solicitous letters back and forth with his mother and then relaying news at their regular dinners. The break would do him a world of good.

* * *

 

 

 

 

Fili took the scenic drive to Bilbo’s little house on the other side on the peninsula. “The freeway would be quicker, but I thought you might like to see how beautiful this area is.”

Kili reached out and rubbed his hand where it rested on the gearshift. “Tell me about your cousin.”

“Bilbo’s older than I am by about ten years. He was born here in California and my mother is his aunt. He never married but spends his life traveling around the world writing about food and wine. I’ve gone with him a few times. In fact,” they ascended the Vincent Thomas Bridge, a tall, arching span over blue waters. “He’s the one who suggested I move to California when I left home. There was a construction boom going out here and plenty of work. Not to mention a more tolerant community.”

From their high vantage point Kili could see everything going on in the harbor. There was a cruise ship in, looking like some gigantic, floating city. The cranes from the port were offloading metal shipping boxes off of the giant tankers that were being pulled by tugboats that looked tiny in comparison. “Look at that,” Kili said quietly, forgetting for a moment that they were so high up.

“Yeah, there’s a lot of history here,” Fili smiled. “When the original port was built they had to bring the timber in on tall sailing ships. This area was full of Victorian mansions and a lot of it is still really old.” He was enjoying playing tour guide to his very enthusiastic guest.

As they rounded the bend the coastline fell away to reveal an endless expanse of sparkling blue ocean. Kili rolled his window down and hung his head out, smiling at the cool air blowing past his face. They shot past a few golf courses and houses, the smooth road swirling out before them. Fili downshifted and they rolled slowly into a twisty-turning patch of road heralded by a large yellow sign with blinking lights that read _Warning: Sudden Land Movement._ “That’s not real, right?” Kili looked ahead to the road with a flush of anxiety. It was paved and repaved and had obviously moved a lot over the years.

“Yeah it is,” Fili answered. This whole section of the coast is creeping down into the water. Sometimes quite a bit of it slides all at once.”

“Are you serious?!” Kili could see the areas where the earth had fallen away as the land shifted. _“How can you drive on this?”_

As he spoke a large SUV passed them on the left and went bouncing along until it zipped out of sight. “I used to get really freaked out about it until I saw how the locals drive.”

The drive was picture-perfect from then on, winding along under bright blue skies, along past a lighthouse and, of all things, a Starbucks. Kili admired the water and the sight of pelican lines floating along an inch over the water. “It’s really pretty out here.”

“It is, but it’s insanely quiet. You have to drive around to Redondo or Hermosa Beach to have any fun. I like Long Beach,” he smiled at Kili. “They have the cutest delivery boys.”

Kili blushed and smiled like the sunrise. He leaned over and kissed Fili’s shoulder. “You were a pretty good tipper.”

They turned up into a neighborhood of cottages and bungalows where terra cotta overhung small gardens and cascading bell chimes hung to catch the rain. “I like this,” Kili murmured as he stepped out of the suv. They walked in through a small garden gate and startled an orange tabby cat who leaped up and in through an open window. They heard a friendly voice say, “Hey, you!” The cat’s head popped up momentarily in the window to see if they were really coming to the door and then disappeared again.

“He looks like a smaller Rusty,” observed the brunet.

“Younger brother,” the blond answered. “He’s pretty cute once he gets to know you.”

Fili rang the bell and they heard the voice from inside call out, “Just a moment!”

“You’ll like my cousin,” Fili commented with a smile. Kili was looking around the small front garden with it’s low trees and well-used benches. Several small songbirds were hopping about a small birdbath while the breeze played lazily with a set of chimes hanging from the eaves. “I like it already.”

The door swung open and they were greeted by a small man dressed in a pair of slacks and a cardigan. “Fili, Good to see you again!” He held out his arms to welcome them in. “And you must be Kili. Please, come inside.” The inside of the house was a rich mix of wood and tile, crammed with knickknacks from everywhere and full of radiant light. A soft breeze drifted through the open windows and heavenly smells of baking wafted around them from the kitchen. Kili looked with wonder around the little cottage; it radiated comfort and contentment and spoke the words “Home” to him and he walked slowly through, the cat now watching him from his perch on a bookshelf. He thought if he lived in a home like this he might never leave.

The table was a grand affair with warm bread and real china and silver settings, each place with a set of cut crystal ware. “Wow,” Kili breathed, not wanting to walk too close and bump into something.

“Bilbo always sets a splendid table!” Fili announced cheerfully.

“Only for special people,” Bilbo replied. “Everyone else gets my every day stoneware!”

“Can we help with anything?” Kili asked.

Bilbo waved them off and donned a striped apron. “Everything’s almost completely done,” he replied. “Fili, why don’t you show Kili around while I finish up in here. And bring a couple bottles of wine from the closet, the new whites I just brought back.”

“Oooo! New Wine!” Fili declared enthusiastically. The “closet” was a mini wine cellar of sorts in the back of the house where it stayed a steady, neutral temperature year round. “Bilbo always brings back good wine.” He looked at the cases that hadn’t been unpacked yet. “My cousin spends a lot of time in here,” Fili joked. “He says good wine has to be cultivated.”

“Is it expensive?” Kili looked at a few of the bottles sitting in racks without touching them.

“Some way in the back is. Mostly he doesn’t buy the high-end stuff. Says he’d rather drink it than show it off.” Fili pulled three bottles of white from different cases. “Côtes du Rhône, very nice. A Soave, okay. And… a Viognier! I love this one! Kili, what’s wrong?”

“Just,” Kili hesitated. “There are so many things I don’t know about you. I mean, you’ve travelled, you know about wine, you’re about to have a gallery showing. So much more than just the guy who shares my bed.”

Fili stood up and looked at Kili. He was standing pensively, hands in his pockets. He gently placed his hands on either side of his other’s face. “I will never be more than your lover, Kili.” His thumb gently came up to brush away a tear. “Nothing will ever mean more to me than that.” Kili nodded and leaned forward, resting his head of Fili’s shoulder, hands gently slipping to Fili’s hips. They just stood and held each other while Fili reminded himself that Kili was still fragile, could easily get lost in all his other concerns. He pressed soft, reassuring kisses to the tumble of dark hair until felt the man in his arms relax and let go of a sigh. “Help me get these back to the table?”

Kili nodded with a smile, his eyes sparkling in the gentle light. Bilbo had set out plates of soft cheese warmed over mushrooms and toast, another with little savory little sausages sliced and sautéed with vegetables and another with small fermented pickles. “Bilbo, this looks wonderful!” Fili held Kili’s chair for him to sit. Bilbo’s smile lit the table. “Thank you, it’s always nice to be appreciated.”

Kili looked at his place setting. “I’m not sure what to use,” he confessed.

Bilbo handed Fili a wine opener. “My Godmother taught me to just look at the person sitting to your right and do what they do. That way even if you are wrong you won’t be the only one.” He set the wine glasses in front of Fili. _“And as I am the one sitting to your right, you will learn the correct way!”_

Kili laughed and relaxed, taking a sip of wine. It was rich with a hint of citrus. “Which one is this?”

“That is the Côtes du Rhône,” Bilbo watched the wine swirl around the sides of his glass. “The region it comes from hosts the St. Valentine Festival of the Kiss.” He toasted them and tilted his glass back.

“That’s sweet! Festival of the Kiss – I like that.” Kili took a long sip and rolled it around on his tongue.

They nibbled on appetizers and chatted about Bilbo’s latest trip to Europe, the little street markets, the tiny restaurants, the very grumpy chefs. “One trip over, early in my career,” Bilbo told Kili. “I reviewed a new restaurant and wrote that 100 years from now chefs would still be cooking with Le Creuset pots and pans but liquid nitrogen would be considered a quaint novelty to be regulated to the sidebar of history. The chef was so angry that when he saw me in the market he punched me right in the face. From then on I was an in-demand writer.”

“Bilbo likes tradition,” Fili put in.

“What I don’t like is being served everything frozen and reconstructed into something else just so everyone will gasp! and applaud the genius of the chef. I like food! Good food and lots of it! Oh! Speaking of, I smuggled something special back with me.”

Fili and Kili watched him pop up, trot into the kitchen and return with a small, nondescript jar and a box of water crackers. Fili eyed the jar. _“Is that what I think it is?”_

“It is!” Bilbo popped the top open and extracted a small spoonful of what looked to Kili like the finest pureed meat he had ever seen. “Here,” Bilbo handed him the spoon and motioned for him to taste. “Go on, taste!”

Kili looked at it skeptically, but Fili was smiling encouragingly at him so he placed the spoonful on his tongue, leaned back and closed his eyes in bliss. “It’s called _foie gras_ , a pate of fattened goose liver. It’s not legal in California because it’s inhumane to the goose, but a man named Eduardo Sousa in Spain has leaned to cultivate wild geese that do it on their own. They live wild on his estate and eat naturally. It is the most amazing thing I have ever tasted.”

“I think my eyes are tearing up,” Kili commented. Fili, likewise was having an out-of-body experience in the chair next to him. “I will never eat any other foie gras again.”

“Well, it’s been a long time since Fili said that he had someone special he wanted me to meet,” Bilbo poured another glass of wine. “I had to bring back something special.” Kili blushed and looked at his other with a grateful smile.

They nibbled small food, drank wine and talked about Europe. Bilbo served them a shredded carrot salad and a brothy soup composed of beans and diced vegetables. They finished one bottle of wine and opened another. Kili told Bilbo stories of ballet and being in the theater. Fili talked about his upcoming show.

“That reminds me,” Bilbo gathered up the salad plates to take back to the kitchen. “Did you bring anything to send back to your mother?” Fili had packed a box of his prints for Bilbo to send with his regular letter to Arizona. They were tame fare, nothing his mother wouldn’t be proud to display on the walls of her home, except Fili had made sure to include a small photograph of he and Kili together, holding hands on the beach. He wasn’t sure what she would do with it, but there it was.

The main course was fish sautéed in butter with a salt and herbs, sliced potatoes simmered in cream and asparagus with lemon dressing. Kili took a bite and felt it melt in his mouth. “Bilbo this is amazing. How did you learn to cook like this?’

“Well, I was originally going to be a chef but found it to be a very fickle profession once I got out of culinary school,” Bilbo replied. “At least here in the states, anyway. So a friend of mine asked me to write a review for his magazine and I was hooked!” He served them coffee and opera cake for desert. “Don’t let me forget to send some things back for Ori. How is he doing?”

“He’s busy keeping all the rest of us on track.” Fili commented. “He’s got his theater and our King Trivia squad is still going strong.”

Bilbo looked at him seriously. “Is he seeing anyone?”

“No, and I don’t think he’s going to.” Fili took a sip of coffee. He needed to make sure he was good for the drive home.

“I’ll send home a couple bottles of wine and some food for him.” Bilbo poured him another cup of coffee.

“I don’t understand about Ori,” Kili spoke up. He had made a point of not asking about his ring because Fili said it was a hurtful subject. But he had never shown even the slightest attraction to anyone.

Bilbo sat back in his chair, his face serious. “Well, I guess it won’t be too invasive to say that Ori lost his life partner. They met under very difficult circumstances and for him that wound is still very fresh.”

Kili thought about that. If he lost Fili he didn’t know how he would just make it through the day, much less go out and have a life. “But he’s always taking care of everyone.” What he meant to say was _He’s always taking care of me._ “I had no idea.” _I would die._

“Well, for some of us love only comes once.” Bilbo poured cream into his coffee and took a sip. “Or not at all.”

Fili looked over at his other’s face as he worked out the meaning in Bilbo’s words. Ori had been the attending angel of his breakdown, talking him through the anxiety attacks, administering his medication while he slept for days on end, but he had never spoken of his own loss. Fili rested a hand gently on his lover’s arm.

“But on a happier note,” Bilbo continued. “I am happy to see we have a new member of our little family.”

That was all it took to make the tears come and Fili hugged him tightly.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

That night in bed Fili lay back while Kili hovered above him, slowly running his hands slowly over his lover’s body, through the curly, golden hair on his chest, down each muscular leg. For Fili it was slow torture, waves of tactile pleasure rolling straight into his cock, making it drip pre-cum onto his belly. He loved having Kili’s hands on him. Occasionally his dark lover would lean down and offer soft kisses to his belly. _“I don’t know what I would do without you,”_ he whispered.

Fili pulled him forward into a kiss, lips soft and tender upon his _. “I pray that neither one of us ever has to face that.”_ During that dark winter Fili really had thought Kili was lost to him. The thought made his stomach tight. Since that first day Kili had walked into his studio Fili was completely taken, lost to those stormy eyes and brilliant smile, the joyous laughter that came so easily. Kili’s surface was so thin; it was as if he were right there exposed and vulnerable to the world and Fili just wanted to shield him from all of it. He reached up and stroked his cheek.

“Do you ever wonder,” he began. “You know, what marriage would be like?”

Kili looked down on him, his breath hitching in his chest as he searched for the words to reply.

“I mean, all the weddings that I’ve photographed, I never understood what the big deal was,” Fili went on. “You meet someone, you fall in love, you stay together. But now it’s…” He wasn’t sure where he was going with this.

“I don’t know,” Kili answered softly. “We haven’t been together very long. Just having you here when I wake up every morning is amazing. Marriage is like… owning someone. Like two people owning each other.”

Fili put his hands on the other’s shoulders and gently pushed him back and over so that now Kili’s head was on the pillows and Fili was looking down at his naked form. He dipped down into a heated kiss that was rough and full of passion. It was amazing, how Kili was so completely open to him, pliant and willing to accept everything Fili had to give him. He pulled back and looked down at Kili with his kiss swollen lips and wide eyes. “Do you want that? For me to own you?”

Kili’s reply was breathless. “I want that.”

_“Say it!”_

_“I want you to own me!”_

He was always very careful with Kili, handling him like spun glass for fear of triggering another anxiety attack. He needed his dark-eyed love to understand that he was safe and in control. He leaned in and spoke with warm breath next to him ear. _“I will never hurt you Kili. You are my love and I want to give you everything. When I wake up every day I look for you. When I am afraid I look to you. And there is nothing in this world I wouldn’t do to protect you.”_ Kili responded by arching up into him, his breath coming in ragged gasps.

_“I want that! Please Fili!”_

_“Anything you ask of me.”_ Fili sank down until his body was completely covering the brunet, pressing his lover down and into the mattress. He ran his hands up Kili’s arms until their fingers interlaced, moved slowly as their erections ground together, felt his lovers feet slide along the back of his legs. Kili pressed his face into the crook of his neck. _“Please.”_

Fili mouthed heatedly along the brunet’s throat and collarbone, drawing forth a moan that brought him forward in a fierce kiss, teeth clashing and tongues intertwining, moaning and panting into each other’s mouths. _“Do you want me? Do you want me inside you?”_

 _“Yes! Yes!”_ Kili wrapped his legs around the blond’s hips and ground upwards to make his point. Fili released his hand to reach into the bedside table and pull out the bottle of lube and snapped it open, coating his fingers. Kili’s face was always an expression of wonder when Fili penetrated him, face flushed, mouth open, free hand coming up to wrap around his neck. That this beautiful man would let him touch him in this intimate way after all the hurt that had been handed to him still made Fili’s heart ache with emotion. _“I love you Kili. I love you so much.”_

_“Love too.”_

And as he sank slowly in and Kili laid back feeling the pleasant burn of being stretched, the incredible fullness from Fili’s cock being inside him, their eyes met in silent agreement. _This is all I want. Ever._

He took a deep breath while he waited for Kili to fully relax. When Kili drew his knees up to his sides he took his lover’s hands in his and started to thrust, pulling almost all the way out to hit that sweet spot over and over and watched this beautiful man unravel beneath him. Kili was pinned to the bed, moaning and gasping while his lover methodically dismantled him. _“Please! Ohm… yes! M… more, harder… Fili!”_ Fili pounded down into him, driven by the sound of his pleading voice and the slap of wet skin. He wouldn’t last long at this pace, his orgasm starting to build in his gut. He reached down and fisted the brunet’s leaking cock, gently pulling back the foreskin to swipe his thumb over and around the head. Kili’s legs were shaking and he was panting out little _Oh-oh-oh!_ sounds as he started to writhe and Fili’s hand was covered with liquid as he lost control. Kili clenched as his orgasm shook him, Fili trying to power through those last few thrusts but he couldn’t hold it off any longer and he came with Kili’s name on his lips. Collapsing down he laid his head on his love’s shoulder, both of them too blessed out to care about the mess between them.

After Fili had staggered to the bathroom and carefully cleaned Kili and tucked him into the blankets Kili lay his head down onto his chest, listening to the sound of Fili’s heart and they just lay there, fading off in the darkness. _Yes, if this is what we have, this is enough…_

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

When the day of the show arrived Fili was a nervous, strung-out, hyperventilating mess. Ori made sure he was properly dressed while Kili loaded the last few things into the SUV and together they made the drive up to Los Angeles. Later Fili would only remember the night in a series of vignettes that played themselves out across his memory. Arriving at the gallery dressed in his best casual slacks and jacket with leather patches on the elbows, Kili and Ori next to him in suits, Legolas and Gimli arriving a little later on Gimli’s big Harley. He kept running through the building straightening frames, wiping off dust, until Kili took him into the bathroom and calmed him down.

 *

 *

 *

He saw Kili dart across the room and into the arms of a tall, dark-haired man who had just walked in the door. Curious, he walked over to introduce himself. Kili turned and saw him. “This is my uncle Thorin,” Kili bubbled happily.

“Nice to meet you,” the deep voice was soft and clear. “You must be the young man my sister has been going on about.”

Fili extended his hand and found himself looking up into the most piercing blue eyes he had ever seen. The man was tall, over six feet, with close cropped dark hair and beard and for a moment Fili realized how extraordinarily handsome he was. He resembled Kili but a more rugged, older version. “Fili Durin,” he replied. “Good to meet you.”

“I can never pass up anything my nephew is so enthusiastic about.” The man’s self confidence was amazing.

“Come see mine!” Kili took his overcoat and pulled him inside as more people started to filter in the door. Fili watched them go and smiled.

 *

 *

 *

“Your uncle and my cousin sure seem to have a lot to talk about.” Fili and Kili watched Thorin and Bilbo having an animated conversation about food and travel. For all their difference in size Bilbo seemed to have the upper hand in their debate, with Thorin smiling down at him.

“I think they like each other.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Look how close their standing, and my uncle’s smiling a lot.” They watched as the two seemed to move closer as Bilbo schooled Thorin on what appeared to be a debate over California’s wines. “You think he’s hot.”

“What? No!” Fili turned towards his lover and slid an arm around his waist. “I would never.”

“It’s okay,” Kili leaned into him. “Everybody does.”

“Well, if I was into _older_ men…” Fili hedged. “Good looks do run in your family.”

“They really do!”

“You’re so pretty!

“Oh, stop…!”

 *

 *

 *

Fili circulated throughout the gallery, stopping at each small group to shake hands and chat, taking care not to miss people looking on their own. He made small talk, answered questions, and made sure his friends were comfortable. The local Arts & Entertainment reporter was circulating with their own photographer, especially keen to get shots of some of the “flamboyant color” that came up from Long Beach. He smiled to see that the DQs had attracted their own small circle of fans. They had, thankfully, turned out in conservative dress but there was just no hiding that level of fabulosity.

Over the sound of the crowd he heard Kili’s laughter and poked his head into the area where the dance photos were hung. Kili was chatting in an animated fashion with a tall, slender woman sporting a tumble of red hair and wearing a green wrap-around dress. He placed his hands around her waist and she gave a little jump, which seemed to be what they were laughing about. Fili approached them. “There you are.”

“Hey, Fili,” Kili turned towards him smiling. “This is Tauriel. She’s with the San Francisco Ballet.”

“Oh, well welcome!” Fili hated to admit that he had felt an odd twinge of jealousy. “I hope you find everything to your liking.”

“Well I was looking for a gift for my dance instructor,” Tauriel motioned to the black & white print of Kili’s legs. “Do you have this in print?”

“I do, in mat framing,” Fili led her to the upright box where he had framed prints for sale. He had decided to place one in each area to give potential buyers a chance to pick up prints of the photos they liked. “All these are signed and numbered.”

“She’s going to love this.” Tauriel turned back to Kili. “Let me give you my number. The next time you’re up north I can get you a pass to one of our performances.”

They watched her walk out with her graceful dancers glide. “Was she…?”

Kili looked at him. “What?”

“Ah, nothing.” Fili shook his head.

“You’re jealous!” Kili started to laugh.

“No, I just thought she was flirting with you.”

“Dancers flirt with each other,” Kili squeezed his hand. “She just liked my legs.”

“They’re very nice legs!”

“Why thank you!”

 *

 *

 *

Thranduil and Gloin were eyeing each other from across the room. “Do they even remember why they don’t like each other?”

“Not any more. It goes way back to when their sons started dating. We have to keep them separated.” Ori and Kili stood back and watched them with apprehension. “But their sons are so good together.”

“I know!” Ori replied. “But Thranduil had all sorts of plans for Legolas, none of which included falling for a short, hairy guy who rides a Harley.”

“What’s Gimli’s dad think about it? Their being together?”

“As long as he’s happy and not in trouble with the law; he seems to have come to terms with his son’s orientation. But Gloin thinks Thranduil thinks his son isn’t good enough for Legolas.” Ori dropped his voice. “Maybe that was true at the beginning but Thranduil did go to bat for him when they got arrested.”

“Guess Fili and I are lucky,” Kili commented. “Our families seem to like each other.”  Bilbo and Thorin were walking slowly up the gallery wall together, discussing each piece as they passed. Actually, Bilbo holding forth in an animated fashion while Thorin smiled and nodded in agreement, commenting here and there.  “A lot!” Fili agreed. “Bilbo’s always been sort of a confirmed bachelor but he and your uncle…”

Ori looked at them. “What have we done…”

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Fili and Kili said their goodnights and Kili bundled his exhausted other into bed. They stress of the evening was evident on Fili’s face and Kili rolled him over to kneed the muscles of his back. “Oh, thank you babe… that feels so good…” he slurred into his pillow.

“This was a really good night,” Kili mused.

“Yes it was.”

“And you were amazing.”

“Yes I was.”

Kili laughed softly and lowered himself gently down on Fili’s back. He could feel him fading out underneath him. _“I love you.”_

_“Love too.”_

 

 

 

 

 

 

And I can't change  
Even if I tried  
Even if I wanted to  
My love  
My love  
My love  
She keeps me warm  
She keeps me warm  
She keeps me warm  
She keeps me warm

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MACKLEMORE & RYAN LEWIS - SAME LOVE feat. MARY LAMBERT  
> http://youtu.be/hlVBg7_08n0
> 
> About foie gras  
> http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/452/poultry-slam-2011?act=3  
> http://www.ted.com/talks/dan_barber_s_surprising_foie_gras_parable
> 
>  
> 
> Thank you everyone for your tremendous outpouring of love and encouragement! We are starting the move now and I really wanted to get this out. I will be back on just as soon as I can! Namaste


	12. Moonflowers Bloom In Darkness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not sorry!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Totally not sorry!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

****

 

 

 

 

 

**_“Moonflower”_ **

****

****

 

 

The young blond woman in black dance pants and a camisole looked up from where she was searching through boxes of vinyl records at the sound of a door chime announcing a visitor to the little dance studio and smiled.  “Hi, how are you?”

A pixyish brunet in knee-high boots and a leather miniskirt smiled at her.  “Great!  I’m Lauren and I’m here to see about continuation lessons.”

“Well this is the place.”  The receptionist gestured to the small waiting area and the comfortable-looking sofas set up for parents to wait while their children took classes.  “Stephanie’s still in class.  Can I get you anything?  Espresso?  Bottled water?”

The brunet was looking intently at the framed black and white photographs decorating the walls of the waiting area.  “These are really beautiful!  Are they dancers here?”

“I wish!” the blond replied.  “Stephanie brought those back from a gallery in Los Angeles a while back.”  She looked at the shot of a blond dancer leaping effortlessly past the lens, hair flying.  “I wish I looked that good when I danced.”

“You don’t happen to know the name of the gallery?”

The blond pursed her lips.  “No, but there were some brochures in the box when I unpacked them.  Let me go see if I can find one.”

The brunet stood staring intently at the photographs as if trying to memorize the images of the dancers pictured there.  Reaching up, she touched the frame of a photograph of two dancers, two men, one dark raising the blond from the other photo into a lift, all athletic grace and power. 

“Wow! That’s a nice ring!”  The receptionist walked up behind her, brochure in hand.

“Oh, thanks!” the brunet blushed.  “My fiancée, he’s amazing!”

“I’ll say!  What’s his name?”

_“Kili.”_

_TBC_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, there is a side-story and a full-length chapter on their way. Still not sorry.


	13. “Pride & Proclivity!”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Gay Pride Day in Long Beach and then there is smut!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of smut for the boys. A slightly shorter chapter than usual. I am pressed for space to write in but it will happen!

 

 

 

 

****

** “Ocean Blvd” **

 

 

 

 

**_“Pride & Proclivity!”_ **

****

****

****

****

****

 

 

“Thank you for doing this.”

“I don’t mind.  I like helping you!”

“Yeah, but it’s Pride Day.  Wouldn’t you rather be out partying?”

“With who, besides you?”

“Well there’s Ori, Gimli, Legolas…”  Kili quickly silenced his lover with a kiss.  “I get to spend the day with you.  That’s all that matters.”

It was Pride Day in Long Beach and Fili was contracted to photograph the royalty of Long Beach drag.  That meant days of taking “candid” shots of dress and wig fittings, formal portraits before the event and then photographing the parade itself.  Some of the party crews put together floats on the back of flatbed trucks or open tour buses.  The most glamourous of the queens rode in the back of convertibles.  Some walked the route in their platform heels, a thought that made Fili wince.  It was a very full day and Kili was going to help.

Fili gave his boyfriend’s ass an appreciative squeeze.  “Okay, car’s all loaded.  They’re using a rented space to stage their props and outfits.  Just run that stuff over.  You can even put some of it together.  I’ll be along in an hour or so.”

Kili looked at the directions on the paper.  “Can do.”  They kissed briefly and went their separate ways.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Kili arrived at a small storefront and parked his car.  He would have been doubtful of the location but for the presence of a pink Chrysler Sebring with the phrase _“2 Fab 4 U”_ stenciled in pinstriping across the tail end parked next to the door.

“Looks like this is the place!”  He walked up to the door and carefully opened it, looking inside.  “Hello?”

“In here!” someone called back.  _“You’re late!”_

Kili poked his head around a corner and found himself looking at what had been converted into a staging area for gowns, feathers, flags and various props.  A tall, mocha-skinned Queen wearing an electric blue wrap top and black cigarette pants sashayed over.  “You’re not the florist.”

“Um, no,” Kili laughed.  “I’m Fili Durin’s assistant - Kili.”

Several of the Queens looked him up and down. 

_“You most certainly are!”_

_“Well it’s about time!”_

_“Come in!  Let us get a look at you!”_

Kili found himself unceremoniously dragged inside and passed around the fabulous group of trans Queens, all of whom seemed to be very interested in who Fili was living with.  Several of the Queens had been at Fili’s opening and remembered him.

_“I told you he was pretty!”_

_“Oh, he certainly is!”_

Kili blushed and started laughing.  “Thank you, and I’m very pleased to meet all of you but I’m supposed to set up some equipment before Fili gets here.”

“You go right ahead,” the mocha Queen told him.  “Don’t let these old things intimidate you.”

“I don’t mind,” Kili told her as he worked.  “I spent six years in musical theater so I’m kinda used to it.”

“Do you sing?” asked one.

“I sing well for a dancer.”

“Oh, you dance?” asked another. 

“Ballet, since I was ten.  Right now I’m learning pole dancing with Legolas Greenleaf.”  He twisted the last screw on a lighting stand he was setting up.  “Done!  Can I help you guys… um, ladies get ready or anything as long as I’m here?”

“Do you ever dress, Kili?”

“Just when we did _Cabaret_.  And I stole my sister’s things a lot.  Other than that, just for Fili.”

That got the attention of several of the Queens.  _“Oh?  Do tell!”_

“Oh, it’s nothing much!”  Kili was blushing again.  “I have a couple of outfits.”

“And Fili?  Does he like your _outfits?”_

“Well, he’s a bit of a lace-chaser, you know.”  Kili suddenly realized he was being looked at with appraising intent.  _“What?”_

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Fili arrived precisely one hour later, glad to see Kili’s car parked in front of the warehouse.  Not that he was worried about anything happening.  If anything, Kili might have gotten bored waiting for him and skipped off to Starbucks to feed his ridiculous coffee habit.  He said his hellos to everyone when he walked in.  “Hey everyone!  Happy Pride Day!”

_“Fili!”_

_“Look everyone, it’s Fili!”_

_“Fili’s here!”_

He stopped and looked suspiciously at the Queens who were all smiling at him like they knew a secret that he wasn’t privy to.  “Yes, I am.  Um, where’s Kili?”

The mocha Queen known as Miss Venti A-La-Te put her hands on her hips.  “I’m sorry, but we don’t have a Kili here.”

Fili eyed her warily.  “Well then what do you have.”

The Queen raised her arms with a flourish.  _“Ladies and Gentleman, allow me to present to you…  Little Miss Knee Socks!”_

And from around a screen stepped a very demure Kili now wearing a schoolgirl outfit with a plaid skirt, black stockings that rolled up over his knees and shiny black Mary Janes.  He stood looking at Fili, unsure if this was a good idea or not.  Fili stood staring at the pleated miniskirt, pink lip-gloss and long, black wig, his face expressionless. 

Miss Venti looked between them.  “Well…?”

 _“Excuse me, but there’s something I must discuss with my boyfriend.”_ Fili grabbed Kili by the elbow, spun him around and hustled him into a nearby office.

 _“Fili, I’m sorry, they said you’d like it, I…”_ Kili was frantically trying to explain himself.

Slamming the door behind them Fili swept the assorted clutter off the top of the desk, spun a very startled Kili around and bent him over it.  _“What are you wearing?!”_

_“Um, naughty schoolgirl?  They made me… oh!”_

Fili flipped his skirt up and was roughly pawing at his panty-covered ass.  _“You most certainly are naughty!”_ He positioned himself behind his lover and ground up against him.

_“Why, Mister Durin!”_

_“I’ll give you Mister Durin!  I’m going to give it to you so hard!”_ Fili grabbed his hips and thrust aggressively against him and Kili was never so glad for the restrictive support garment the Queens had put him into.

They were interrupted by a pounding at the door.  _“You bring her back out here!”_ someone was yelling.  _“Don’t you mess up her makeup!  She is going in the parade with us!”_

Fili swore under his breath.  “Fine!  Fine!”  He pulled Kili up off the desk and pulled him to his chest, cupping his backside.  _“But as soon as I get you home…”_

They stumbled out of the office only slightly mussed and Kili was blushing furiously through his powder.  “Well I know what I’m wearing for Halloween!”

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

They spent the rest of the morning shooting portraits before the cars and floats rolled out.  Kili wrangled the huge pheasant feathers, flags and wings the Queens used for adornment.  There were five-layers of lipstick, false lashes, false boobs, girdles, gloves, sashes, debutant tiaras and stripper shoes all making a tableau of outrageous loveliness.  Several times Kili caught Fili looking at him heatedly as he helped position the shots.  Fili even managed to grope him once or twice, much to the amusement of the Queens. 

At ten-thirty Fili hit the parade route with his press pass while Kili queued up to walk beside the convertibles.  By eleven the whole thing started moving.  He wasn’t even sure what he was supposed to be doing at first but the crowd was cheering and clapping and he found himself unable to resist showing off.  Spectators were lined up on both sides of the route, waving flags and banners.  Pretty soon he was swinging along to the music, hands on hips, making the pleated skirt flip from side-to-side much to the delight of the spectators.  He saw Fili watching him with lustful intent and stuck out his tongue, the crowd whooting in response.  Fili mouthed something filthy back at him in return.

They spent much of the afternoon in the same way.  Even when they reached the main festival Kili kept his _Little Miss Knee-Socks_ persona going, sashaying around to the admiration of onlookers, even posing for pictures with some of the tourists.  Fili found excuses to brush up against him, hold his waist in his hands, bend him over while reaching for things across the table.

_“Seriously?”_

_“I need that case.”_

_“Your camera lens is poking me_.”

_“Yeah, let’s call it that.”_

_“Oh my God!  Fili!”_

Gimli and Legolas found them as Fili was warning off two guys who had the nerve to hit on his schoolgirl.  “Look at you!” cooed Legolas, resplendent in a black leather motorcycle jacket, knee-high boots and ass-less chaps.

“I think you forgot something there,” Kili looked around at his bare backside.  The black thong the blond was wearing wasn’t hiding much.

“Nonsense, I am entirely overdressed!” protested the leggy blond.  “I wanted to wear just the boots but Red wouldn’t let me out the door.”

“Damn right I wouldn’t!” Gimli responded.  “That’s your lap dance outfit!”

Fili nearly snorted his drink out his nose in response.  Legolas straightened Kili’s white blouse, tucking it back into the waistband of his skirt where Fili had pulled it up.  “This is adorable!  Where did you get it?”

“I was ambushed by some drag queens while Fili was doing portraits this morning.  It was one of their backup outfits.”  Kili smoothed down his long pigtails.  “I think _somebody_ likes it!” 

Fili slid his arms around him from behind and squeezed, drawing a pleased squeak from his partner.  _“Somebody_ is getting detention just as soon as I get him home tonight!”

Gimli and Legolas burst into laughter.  They had ridden Gimli’s big Harley Davidson in the parade with the other gay bikers.  It had been hard for Gimli to come out – tell his friends, tell his father.  Some people had stood by him, others walked out of his life.  But the rough-and-tumble motorcycle crowd in the Long Beach community had made him feel welcome.  And then there was Legolas.  _And then there was Legolas…_

Truth be told, he wouldn’t have come out at all if it weren’t for the blond dancer, but Legolas refused to live in secret where the shadows could dim his free spirit.  By the time all his nights were spent in the loft where Legolas had put in a dance floor, the days he spent rebuilding other peoples ruined engines had started to wear thin.  What had started as a secret now became his every reason for getting up in the morning and the day he came back from work with a broken nose, bloodied knuckles and a pink slip, Legolas had insisted he move in with him.  It was a temporary thing turned permanent.  A secret kink now a full-blown love affair; Gimli had no more excuses.  He had a sit-down with his heartbroken father, and that rift had been a long time healing. 

But now he looked at his beautiful lover and the life they shared and decided that he wouldn’t have it any other way.  He found a job building custom motorcycles, started making his own music, helped Legolas open his own dance studio and together they made friends and meshed their lives into the community.  Now they watched Fili shamelessly chasing his boyfriend around the press tent and laughing as Kili swatted him away. 

“Where’s Ori?” asked Gimli.  “I thought he’d be with you guys.”

“He’s volunteering at the animal rescue tent,” said Fili.

“I thought he was at the LGBT Center tent,” said Kili.  “He’s not going to get to do anything fun if he just goes from tent-to-tent all day.”

“What he’s doing is keeping busy,” replied Legolas.  “He’s trying not to think about it.”

“It’s the food truck, isn’t it?” asked Fili.

“Food truck?”  Kili was completely lost in this conversation.  “Why’s he upset about the food truck?”

“Ori and Dwalin used to volunteer at one of the food trucks on Pride Day,” answered Legolas.  “Part of the money they raised went towards charity and they didn’t have to worry about Dwalin getting tired.  Ori loved doing it.”

“Well that doesn’t float with me.”  Gimli took Legolas by the arm.  “Let’s go get him.  He’s having fun if he likes it or not!”

 

* * *

 

 

Ori was wrangled, protesting loudly, from the tent he was working to “go out and enjoy some of the festival and quit hiding!”  Ordinarily, Kili would have thought this as being a bit mean, but Ori had been shutting himself off as the festival date had approached, his usually cheerful demeanor pensive.  Dwalin had always enjoyed the crowds and the music, would pulled Ori out onto the dance floor, laugh unreservedly and Ori had enjoyed every minute of it.  Kili knew how quickly thoughts could spiral in on themselves and the festival hit only once a year, so now that Ori needed him he wouldn’t be shy about it.

“I really ought to be at the tent,” he protested.  “I promised them I would help out.”

“You will,” Legolas told him.  “We all will.  But right now you are going to enjoy yourself!”

One thing Ori really did enjoy was dancing and he had both Legolas and Kili to dance with while Gimli supervised from the sidelines, beer in hand, and Fili took pictures of the band.  One dance turned into three and three turned into several hours of music and laughter with friends, Fili and Gimli making sure they weren’t crowded or jostled by the crowds.  Several people recognized Gimli from _Razzle_ and asked for his autograph while at least one young man asked permission to photograph Legolas’ butt.

Kili and Ori were taking a turn on the dance floor, _Belenova_ on stage, crooning out Latin songs to the crowd.  “I never thanked you,” Kili said over the music as they danced slowly.

“For what?”

“For taking care of me like you did.”

Ori shrugged.  “It wasn’t anything I wouldn’t have done for any of my friends.  You needed taking care of.”

“I know, but you didn’t have to.”  Kili turned them carefully, avoiding some of the more vigorous dancers. 

“Yes I did.”  Ori was a surprisingly good dancer.  “You were in trouble and needed help.  Neither Fili or I would have turned our backs on you.”

Kili mulled this over awhile as the music washed over them.  Finally Fili made his way over to them.  “May I have this dance?”

“I thought you’d never ask!”  Kili slipped smoothly into his lover’s arms.

“You’re pretty amazing, you know that?”  Fili smiled gently at him.

“Am I?”

“Yes, you are.  You’re beautiful, you’re talented, you are amazingly strong.”  He looked his partner up and down.  “And you look good in little pleated skirts.”

“They threaded my eyebrows.”

“Did they?”  Fili looked closer at his other’s face.

“And made me wax my arms and my legs.  They’re brutal!”

“And you are very smooth.”

Kili leaned in close and whispered, _“I want your hands on me, touching me, stroking me.  Stroking my thighs.  Sometimes it’s all I can think about.”_

Fili drew him in close and stopped moving, dropping his head down on his partner’s shoulder.  Kili always knew the words that did it for him, the covert glances, the gentle touches.  Now he just breathed deeply and focused on the man in his arms.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

For the last hours of the evening they helped Ori in the fundraising tents.  Fili shadowed Kili protectively, touching the hem of the pleated skirt with his fingertips, gently rubbing the small of his back.  At one point he knelt down, pulled Kili’s feet into his lap and gently kneaded them through the black stockings while his lover held the hem of his skirt down.  _“No peeking, you!”_   They chatted with tourists and locals wearing white shorts and high heels.  Some of the motorcycle crowd stooped in to say hi to Gimli and envy him his beautiful dancer.  Ori handed out pamphlets and helped people fill out donation forms and this time Kili added his name to the _in memorandum_ donation for the local AIDS charity and Ori was happy that he had his friends around him.

As 11:00 pm approached Fili begged off going to _Razzle_ in favor of an early night and loaded Kili up into the SUV.  They stopped long enough to pick up Kili’s car from the storefront, headed back to the condo and unloaded the crates of equipment into the garage, where Fili carefully backed Kili into a wall.  _“Miss Oaks, I thought our school dress policy was clear.  Skirts are to be no more than two inches above the knee, and yet yours is…”_ he ran his fingertips along the tops of Kili’s thighs, _“much shorter.”_

Kili squirmed against the drywall.  _“Mr. Durin, it’s just that… you see… I’ve had a growth spurt and…”_

 _“…and I think an afternoon in detention is in order.”_ Fili traced the line of those oh-so-perfect legs up to the swell of Kili’s ass.

 _“Isn’t there something that I could do to make it up to you?”_ Kili fluttered his thick lashes.

Fili hummed as he leaned forward and placed warm kisses up the column of his lover’s throat, drawing forth a moan.  _“I’m sure something could be arranged.”_

_“Yes…”_

Fili stepped back.  _“Go up and wait for me in my office.  I’ll be up shortly.”_ He watched him go carefully up the steps in his heels, tugging the skirt down in back as he went, an erection already nudging at his pants as it had most of the evening. 

 

At the top of the stairs Kili kicked off his heels and limped into the bedroom.  His feet were sore and he desperately needed to get out of the support garment he was wearing.  Being turned on by his beautiful boyfriend wasn’t helping being constrained that tightly either.  He slipped into the bathroom for a pit stop and to get ready for bed.  _“To get ready for Fili,”_ he thought and that notion made it worse so he quickly shimmied out of it and decided against putting the white panties back on.

 

 

Fili was waiting for him when he opened the door, hands propped against either side of the doorframe.  _“Miss Oaks.”_

_“Mister Durin…”_

_“Are you ready for me?”_

Kili squirmed, trying unsuccessfully to keep his arousal hidden under the little skirt.  He bit his lip and nodded shyly.  Fili wrapped his arms around his waist and pulled him towards his big chair.  “Say the word.”

Kili buried his face into his neck and mumbled against his flannel shirt.  Fili gently pushed him back until they were looking into each other’s eyes.  “I need to hear you say it so I know you’re okay.”

 _“Rosebud,”_ Kili whispered.  Their safe word, their secret word, the word that meant Kili had control over their roleplaying in bed and that he could stop everything the moment it became frightening or uncomfortable and Fili wouldn’t be upset with him.  _“Rosebud.”_

Fili gathered him close and held him because words would not come at that moment.  Sometimes it was just too much - the level of trust they had between them, this beautiful man who gave him the things he had never hoped to see in his life. 

Finally he slipped his hands down under that skirt, that little pleated skirt that had been his siren’s call for the entire evening.  _“Why Miss Oaks… you seem to be missing something!”_

_“Um, I lost them?”_

Fili walked them backwards.  _“A definite violation of the rules, Miss Oaks.  And one that will earn you a punishment!”_

 _“Oh no!”_ Kili fairly giggled as his other pulled him down into the chair. 

 _“There are some flagrant violations on your record, young lady!”_ Fili cradled his lover in his arms, lowering little kisses onto those pink lips while Kili smiled up at him.  _“I cannot let this slide…”_ He stroked the backs of Kili’s thighs vigorously and reached up to squeeze the firm roundness of his ass.  _“Baby, I can’t get enough of you like this!”_

Kili curled himself until his legs were resting up on his lover’s shoulder, long and shapely in their black stockings.  _“I know that I’ve been really, really naughty…”_

 _“Oh, yes you have!”_ Fili mouthed heatedly at his collarbone. 

Kili let his head fall back.  _“I mean, I only cut class a few times but my boyfriend…”_

 _“Boyfriend!”_ Fili mocked outrage.  _“Who is this boyfriend?!”_

Kili giggled.  _“He’s so handsome!  Blond hair, blue eyes, nice butt, biiig cock!”_

_“Oh, you little minx!”_

_“It’s so big I can barely stand it sometimes!”_ He closed his eyes and moaned whorishly as Fili took his swollen erection in hand and stroked it.  _“It’s all I can take!”_

Fili flipped him over on his lap, rucked the skirt up over his back and rubbed his hand over the most perfect ass he had ever seen.  _“You let him touch you like this?”_

 _“Yes…!”_ Kili’s stocking-covered feet were sliding on the hardwood floor. 

Fili raised his hand and brought it back down with a resounding _smack!_ On Kili’s backside, causing him to jump with a little yelp.  _“Get down on your knees for him?”_

 _“Every chance I get!”_   Another smack, this time on the other cheek.

_“Let him finger you?”_

_“Yes!  Yes!  Feels so good!”_

Another smack and Kili was squirming for traction now, his cock leaking onto his partner’s jeans.  His breath hitched as he felt slippery fingers sliding up between his cheeks and stroke little circles.  _“Mister Durin, what are you… oh!”_   A slick finger breached his entrance and slid slowly in.

_“Did you think this would just be a spanking?  Or some sloppy blow-job?”_

_“Oh, yes… I mean, no!  No.  Much more than that.”_ A second finger penetrated him and Kili whimpered as those fingers rubbed slowly over that spot that caused stars to explode.

_"You like that, don’t you?  You like me inside you?”_

Kili’s struggles ceased as a third finger penetrated him and all her could do was moan and sigh, _“Yes!  Yes, like that!”_

 _“I see you watching me, Miss Oaks.  Showing off for me.”_ He flipped Kili back over and pulled him up into his arms for a heated kiss.  _“You are so very naughty!”_

 _“When they were getting me dressed today it was like they were preparing me for you,”_ Kili moaned into his mouth. _“Like I was being prepared for you to have me.”_

Fili had to close his eyes and concentrate on not losing it right then and there.  He stood up and maneuvered Kili into the chair on his knees, pushing his skirt up to look at his fine ass now red from the spanking.  _“I would be derelict in my duties, Miss Oaks,”_ he said, undoing his belt and unbuttoning his fly, _“if I allowed this kind of insubordination to continue.”_

Kili moaned as hands stroked up between his legs.  He spread his knees, braced his hands on the back of the chair and looked back over his shoulder at the man who was stoking himself, breath coming in little puffs as he gazed at the cock that rose up out of the golden curls.  _“Yes, yes I want that!”_

_“Tell me what you want.”_

_“I want you.”_

_“Say it!”_

_“I want you to fuck me.  Please fuck me!”_

He was rewarded when the round head pushed up against his entrance.  Strong hands gripped his hips and he gasped as he was breached, the thick cock working its way inevitably in deeper and deeper with every stroke.  He could feel the rough denim of the other man’s jeans scraping across the backs of his thighs, hear the grunt of pleasure as Fili seated himself.  His head dropped as he felt that exquisite burn that came with being filled almost too full and Fili waited for him to relax, holding him steady with one hand and rubbing his back gently with the other.

_“You’re so big…”_

_“All for you baby, every inch if it.”_

Fili started to thrust in, Kili’s hips held firmly in hand pulling him back with every stroke.  He went for balls deep, relishing every gasp as he pulled back to nail the prostrate, every whimper as he went deep, the slap of skin against skin.  Kili was babbling out words now, begging for more, begging for faster and Fili did his best to give it to him without tipping them out of the chair.  Kili couldn’t let go to touch himself so Fili slowed down long enough to reach around front and grasp his leaking member.

_“Yes!  Yes!  Just like that… FILI!”_

And that tight heat clenched around him as his lover came, covering his hand in sticky wetness and shuddering in his arms.  He stroked a few more times and lost his own control, Kili’s name on his lips, and they both folded up together in a ruined heap into the chair. 

They both lay there giggling for a while, letting the pleasurable aftershocks roll through them.  “I don’t know how you think this will deter my bad behavior,”Kili murmured sleepily.

“I’ll just have to keep trying.”  Fili hugged him tightly.  “Spare the rod…”

Together they climbed up on tired limbs, carefully undressed each other and cleaned up before crawling exhausted into bed.

“Rub my feet?”

“Yes I’ll rub your feet.”

“I’m really liking this.”

“The role play?”

“And the dressing up.”

“I’m really liking how your ass looks with my handprint on it.”

Kili giggled.  “We should buy some toys.”

“I am in favor of that.”  Fili had a hard time denying his lover anything, especially in bed.

“And some of those pleated minis.  I look good in those.”

Fili crawled forward and laid himself out over his other, giving gentle kisses.  “Baby, I love you so much.”

“Luv too…”

 

 

 

 

_"The only Heaven I’ll be sent to_

_Is when I’m alone with you_

_I was born sick_

_But I love it_

_Command me to be well_

_Amen.  Amen.  Amen.  Amen…_

_No Masters or Kings_

_When the Ritual Begins_

_There is no sweeter innocence_

_Than our gentle sin_

_In the madness and soil_

_Of that sad earthly scene_

_Only then I am human_

_Only then I am clean_

_Amen.  Amen.  Amen.  Amen…"_

At just after 3:00 am Ori arrived home and let himself in through the garage.  He would pick up the boys from the dog sitter in the morning but the orange cat wove around his legs meowing piteously.  “You poor thing,” he reached down to pet it.  “Didn’t they feed you?”

In response the sleek animal darted forward to lead the way to his food and water dish.  There was some kibble in the bowl but Ori could clearly see the bottom.  “Oh no!  You almost starved!”  The cat chirruped in agreement and rubbed against him with long purrs as he topped the dish off.

He checked the lock on the door, hit the code on the alarm and turned to make his way upstairs when his foot nudged against something on the floor.  Bending down he picked Kili’s phone up from where it had been dropped earlier in the evening.  “I guess that outfit did the trick,” he mumbled to no one in particular.  Trudging upstairs he dropped it on the kitchen counter before heading for his room, the orange cat on his heels.  The phone sat on the tile countertop and flashed the words _MAILBOX FULL_ before running out of juice and going completely dark. 

 

 

 

_Hozier – Take Me To Chuech_

_<http://youtu.be/Byeg1LMu5mM> _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gay Pride Day in Long Beach, California is a real thing and it's the biggest party of the year in a beautiful place. I have marched in that parade - what an experience! Also my first time seeing drag queens. What an experience!
> 
> As always - comments are bread & butter to a writer's soul! 
> 
> Find me at http://withywindlesdaughter.tumblr.com/


	14. “All Foul Things”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Such is the nature of evil, in time all foul things come forth!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so we are almost at an end.

 

 

 

 

****

** “Ocean Blvd” **

 

 

 

 

**_“All Foul Things”_ **

****

****

 

 

Morning rolling around late – or better to say afternoon rolled around early in the condo on what was unofficially Hangover Day in Long Beach, California.  Kili threw an arm out only to thwack down upon Fili’s pillow, long cold.  He really didn’t want to get up.  His head ached and his feet hurt and they had gone another round some time before dawn – sleepy, lazy sex that drove them both back into sleep way past sunrise.  The sunlight lasered in through the blinds and assaulted him mercilessly and his bladder was full.  _“Fine!  Fine…”_ He crawled out from under the covers and limped towards the bathroom

The damp towels told the story of Fili’s earlier entrance into the day.  A hot shower sounded good so he staggered in and let the water beat his muscles to death for a while, managed to get his eyes properly open and the gunk washed off.  Whisking himself off with a towel he decided it was worth it pull clothing on and find his way to the kitchen for coffee and to beg for a foot rub.  Digging for clothing he spotted a red foil-wrapped chocolate heart on his bedside table.  Fili would leave them there on odd days, usually when he was up and out early as a way of reminding Kili that he loved him.  There was a stash of them somewhere in the condo but for all his rooting around Kili had never found them.  He smiled and popped it into his mouth, chewing as he slid into his favorite skinny jeans and long sleeved-T.

“Morning!” Ori called to him from the kitchen, where he was preparing lunch for three.

“Morning…”  Kili slumped onto a barstool and squinted around, looking for coffee.

Ori was far too perky.  “We’re out of coffee, but I can make you a protein smoothie.”

The resulting shriek chased both dogs from the kitchen.  “Out of coffee?”  Kili looked almost distraught.  “No!  Where’s Fili?”

Ori was laughing at him now.  “Downstairs working.  Why don’t you go call him up for some lunch?  You want soup with us or scrambled eggs”

Kili collapsed dramatically across the counter.  “What kind of soup?”  He eyed his phone sitting just out of arms reach.  He didn’t even remember leaving it out there the night before. 

“Tomato with cheesy bread.”

“I want soup.  Can I borrow your phone?  Mine’s dead.”

“Go down and get him.  He’s working on yesterday’s photos.”

Kili slid off the counter and winced as he navigated the stair.  _“Ouch! Ouch!... Ouch!”_

“Morning Sleeping Beauty!”  Fili was bright and chipper.

Kili laid his head on him.  “You had coffee, didn’t you?”

“Yeah, but we’re out.”  Fili slid his arms around his lover’s waist. 

Kili sagged against him like a limp rag doll.  _“My feet hurt!”_

“Want me to rub your feet?”

“Please rub my feet.”

Kili sat with his feet in Fili’s lap, looking over the previous day’s photography.  “I don’t know how they do it,” he commented.  “Walking around all day in those heels and corsets.  I feel like my feet are gonna drop off!”

“You have no one to blame but yourself,” Fili laughed. 

“So mean… Oo!  There’s me!”  Kili excitedly flipped through images of his _Little Miss Knee Socks_ persona.  “Look how pretty I am!”

“I certainly noticed.”

Kili smiled happily.

Presently they were interrupted by Ori’s voice calling down the stair.  “Are you guys going to eat lunch or what?”

“Lunch is ready?”  Fili jumped up. 

“Um, yes?”

“Why didn’t you tell me?  I’m starving!”  Fili grabbed him and hustled him up the stair.  Ori had dished up a lovely organic tomato soup with crusty cheese bread and salad.  “This smells wonderful!”

“Why thank you!”

Kili eyed his chipper roommates evilly as he aggressively stuffed hot, crusty bread into his mouth.  They didn’t have any plans for the day beyond editing Fili’s photographs and sending them out.  Kili had some classwork that he didn’t want to do and Ori had work later in the day.  He swallowed a mouthful of delicious soup.  “What’s everybody doing today?” he asked hopefully.

“I’m heading out to work in a while,” Ori answered.  “Can I get you to wash lunch dishes for me?”

Kili squinted his eyes and nodded.  “Fee?”

“Yes Kee?”

“Are you going out anywhere today?”

Fili smirked.  Kili knew he wanted him to cut back on the caffeine.  “I suppose I will at some point.”  After looking at Kili’s pathetically downfallen face he asked, “Would you like me to pick up some coffee?”

He was rewarded as the brunet brightened the room with one of his smiles.  “Oh, would you?  Please?”

The blond laughed.  “Yes, I will bring you some coffee.”

Ori departed to take the boys on a walkabout before work while Kili addressed the kitchen.  Fili went to grab his car keys and his wallet.  “I’ll be right back.”  He swooped in to plant a kiss on his lover’s mouth.

“Thank you, I love you!”

“Love you too,” Fili called as he headed for the stairs.  “Call me if you remember anything we need.”

Kili finished the dishes and hung the dish towels to dry.  Turning around he saw the big orange cat looking up at him expectantly.  “Hey, cat.”  He reached down to rub the top of his head and the cat wound around and between his legs, purring loudly.  “Are you hungry?  Is that it?  We all had food but no one made you anything?”

He reached up into the cupboard and grabbed a small paper bowel, eliciting an excited string of mewls from the cat.  “Oh, you think this is for you?  Is that it?”  Reaching into the fridge he pulled out a plastic container full of the only wet food the cat would eat – tuna in olive oil.  Not cat food tuna, not tuna for cats, tuna for humans – chilled in olive oil, by the spoonful.  Ori said it was better for him and prevented hairballs.  Besides, he would enact revenge upon anyone who attempted to feed him cat food.  Well, he was very healthy in any case.

“Looks like this is the last of it,” he told the cat as he put the bowl down.  A quick check of the cupboard confirmed his suspicions.  “Better ask Fili to grab a couple of cans while he’s out.” 

Kili grabbed his phone.  Dead.  “Great.  Charger…. Charger…”  He plugged the device in and watched the cat eat.  Several minutes and much cat petting later he the screen light up.  He had placed on silent the day before.  Everyone was already with him and he didn’t want it to be ringing while he was in the parade or Fili was working.  Grabbing it up he swiped his thumb over the screen.  Two messages flashed over his background:

 

 

_“In Box Full”_

_“Voice Mail Full”_

 

“What the…”  He swiped over to his messages and nearly dropped the phone on the floor.  _“Fuck!  FUCK!”_

Swiping out he hit the speed dial for Ori’s cell as he ran for the bedroom to find his keys, heart pounding.  “Pick up, pick up, pick up… Ori!  Listen, no, listen to me very carefully!  Where are you?  Okay – don’t come back to the condo!  No!  I know, just take them to the sitters or take them with you.  I don’t care.  Borrow scrubs.  I’m leaving and putting the alarm on.  Ori, Ori!  I have to go to my old apartment.  Listen!  Don’t stop to talk to anybody.  Just go straight to wherever you’re going to.  And lock your car doors.  And be careful!  Please, just trust me.  I have to call Fee!”

Frantically he punched the alarm keypad, mucking it up on the first two tries.  He managed to get the alarm set and ran to the car.  Kili skidded to a stop, looking hard at the little automobile he had driven down from San Francisco.  Slowly walking around it he eyeballed all four tires and the back seat.  Then he quickly got down and looked under it and finally he checked the trunk before jumping in. 

He hit Fili’s speed dial only reach Fili’s voice mail.  He hung up and dialed again.  Still the same.  “Philip Durin you’d better listen to your voice mail!  Don’t go back to the condo!  Stay in Starbucks or wherever you are until I call you!  And pick up your damn phone!”

One more call – this time to his old roommate at the house he shared before moving in with Fili and Ori.  “Dave!  This is Kili!  Yeah, hi!  Listen, has anyone came by looking for me in the last couple of days?  Oh, fuck… listen, please!  You guys need to lock the house up – doors and windows.  Don’t let anybody in.  Okay?  And if she comes back dial 911.  I’ll explain when I get there.”

Kili tossed his phone down onto the seat next to him, picked it back up and swiped over to his voicemail, narrowly missing several cars on the older residential street he was now driving down.  He clicked Play All.

 

_“Kili, I looked for you at the parade.  It’s a big party so I thought you might be there, but you weren’t.  I’ll go check at the house again.  You gotta come home sometime, right?”_

_“Kili, it’s me again.  Lauren.  Remember Lauren?  Long Beach isn’t as big as San Francisco but we keep missing each other.  I looked for you at the university but you weren’t there…”_

_“…I saw you on that photographer’s website.  You know… my seeing your portrait in that dance studio… it was a sign.  It was a sign, Kili, that you were reaching out for me and that you needed me to find you.  But I can’t find you Kili!”_

Kili clicked out of voicemail and pulled his car into a parking space about a block from his old house, looking up and down the sidewalk before he unlocked the door.  Shoving his keys into one pocket he considered calling the police, but they hadn’t done anything in San Francisco, why would they do anything now?  Ori and Fili had a friend who was a police officer but Kili didn’t have his number.  He even thought momentarily about calling his sister then nipped that thought in the bud. 

 

_“Kili?”_

He swallowed hard and looked up.  She was standing on the sidewalk midway between him and his old place, looking perfectly normal in her dress heels and blazer.  _“Lauren.”_

_“I was just in the neighborhood, and you know…”_ she waved her hand in the air, _“thought I would stop by and see how you were doing.”_

He swiped his thumb across his phone, scrolling through the apps.  _“Pretty far from home for you, isn’t it?”_ Fili had put a PANIC app on his phone that would dial 911 and send a pre-recorded message to the local emergency services.

 

_“I saw your pictures, Kili.  They’re beautiful.”_ Her voice was pleading.  _“It was a sign, don’t you think?  A sign that they were hanging there for me to find.”_

_“Lauren,”_ Kili pushed the button and hoped that it would work.  _“Lauren, I have a boyfriend.”_

_“I know, Brad.  And he hurt you.”_

_“No, not Brad.  This is someone who loves me and is good to me and that’s who I want to be with.”_

Her face screwed up in a tight knot.  _“No, that’s not true!  You’re just saying that!”_

_“It is true, Lauren.  You and I – we were never meant to be together.”_

_“Stop saying that!!!”_ She screamed, startling Kili.  _“Just… stop saying that because it’s not true.  I know it’s not true.”_

Kili prayed for the sight or sound of a police car.  _“How did you find me?”_

She hugged herself and smiled.  _“The dance studio had a brochure for some photography studio in Long Beach.  The address is just a post office box but I hired a private investigator.  The last place you registered your car is this address.  He also found your cell number.”_

_“Lauren I’m sorry you came all this way, but we’re not together and…”_

_“…and you never will be!”_ Kili jumped at Fili appeared next to him.  _“Ori said you were coming here,”_ he whispered.

_“No, see?”_ She waved her left hand at them.  _“We’re engaged!  See?  Kili gave me this ring!”_

_“Look, I know who you are,”_ Fili replied.  _“He told me what you did to him and I’m not going to let you hurt him again.”_

She was becoming frantic now.  _“How could you go back to him?”_ she yelled at Kili.  _“How could you, after he hurt you so much?”_

_“Oh my God, she thinks you’re Brad!”_ Kili whispered.  _“Lauren, Brad is in San Francisco.  This isn’t him.  This…”_

_“Kili’s my Life Partner and he’s not going to be with you,”_ Fili called out.  He slipped his hand into Kili’s and squeezed tight.  _“Not now and not ever!”_

_“STOP SAYING THAT!”_ They both jumped.  Kili saw her hand go to her purse.  _“He belongs to me!  Not you!”_

 

And when the shot rang out they all jumped in surprise at the sound.  Kili winced and threw up his arm reflexively.  Then Fili was falling beside him, down on one knee, blood flowing from between his fingers.  Kili grabbed him and helped him down onto the sidewalk, tried to scrunch his flannel shirt up over the hole in Fili’s shoulder where blood was seeping rapidly into the fabric of his t-shirt.  _“Fili?  Fili?  Shit!  Help me!  Somebody help me!”_ Then the sound of feet running towards them and Fili breathing, trying to breath and Lauren was gone.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

Kili wasn’t sure he’d even remember the next few hours.  Somebody got him into a car so he could follow the ambulance to the emergency room.  Somebody managed to call Ori – who called Bilbo, Legolas and Kili’s sister.  Bard, the tall, dark haired detective they’d gone for drinks with, met him at the admitting desk.  He took Kili’s phone to download the messages from Lauren from it.  Then Ori was there, rubbing his back and giving instructions as one of Fili’s designated decision-makers.  Ori fielded phone calls from Oregon and the east coast while Gimli and Legolas sat on either side of him as he made his statement to the police.

Finally a doctor appeared and asked to speak to him and Ori.  “Hi Kili, I’m Doctor Oin.”

“Howishecanweseehimhowbadisit?” the words poured from Kili’s mouth.

The white-haired doctor didn’t skip a beat.  “He’s stable, but there was considerable blood loss.  Fortunately the bullet was from a very small caliber handgun and someone didn’t have very good aim.  They missed the artery and the bullet didn’t bounce into any major organs but it did shatter some of the bone in his shoulder.  We cleaned the fragments out but that bone’s going to take a long time to knit back together.”

Kili winced.  “Is he awake yet?  Can I see him?”

“We’re monitoring him as the anesthetic wears off.  He won’t be awake for a while but you can go in and sit next to the bed if you like.”

They would only let one person in at a time so Ori returned to the waiting room once he got a worried Kili situated and was surprised to see the doctor talking with Gimli and Legolas.  “Ori!” Gimli stepped forward.  “This is my uncle, Oin!”

For the first time Ori squinted at the man’s name tag.  _Oin Groinson._ Of course, he should have recognized the family name right off.  “It’s nice to meet you, Doctor Groinson.”  He held out his hand.

“I was surprised to see my nephew sitting out here in the waiting room,” Oin commented.  “Usually he’s behind the curtain getting something stitched up.  Glad to meet you, Ori.”

“Legolas would change the locks on our apartment if I got into any more of that kind of trouble,” Gimli laughed.

Oin placed a kind hand on Legolas’ shoulder.  “Glad to see he’s finally settling down.  You’re a good influence on him.”

Legolas smiled.  “I try.  Thank you.” 

It was obvious that Oin was a lot more comfortable with their relationship than his brother was.  So it was a surprise when Gloin himself showed up an hour later.

“Dad?”  Gimli stood up.  “What are you doing here?”

His father looked flustered.  “Oin called me.  He said there was a shooting.”

“Oh, God,” Gimli sat him down.  “Fili Durin - some crazy woman shot him.  He got out of surgery a little while ago.”

“I was so worried.”  Gloin gripped his shoulder firmly. 

Ori noticed how much they looked alike, the father’s red hair cropped short, beard trimmed, but both strong and determined.  He decided to give them some privacy and was just walking towards the vending machines when his phone buzzed.  It was Bilbo.

“Hi Bilbo.  He’s not awake yet.  They are?  From Arizona?  Oh, God.  Okay.”

That that Fili’s family was on their way from Arizona was going to be difficult.  Fili hadn’t actually spoken to them in years.  Outside of birthday cards, Christmas and the occasional care package they hadn’t had much contact in the time since Fili had settled in Long Beach.  Usually Bilbo acted as a go-between.  Fili’s sexuality was still a sore point between them.  Being here and seeing Kili was going to destroy the careful truce they had built over the years.  Well, no help for it.  Kili’s family was also on their way and should be at the airport in the morning.  They were going to have an entirely too-full house to deal with.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

Kili sat forlornly at Fili’s bedside watching him breath, listening to the sound of his oxygen and heart rate monitor beep along steadily.  A hospital wasn’t anything like you see on TV or in the theater, he mused.  Fili was cocooned in machinery, all quietly doing _something_ while Fili quietly slept off the last of the anesthesia.  There were tubes everywhere and that frightened him.  Tubes going into Fili’s arms and neck, saline slowly dripping, a strong chest slowly rising and falling.

_“You weren’t supposed to be there,”_ he whispered.  _“It should have been me.”_

Finally he slipped his fingers into one limp hand, leaned his head onto his arm and closed his eyes.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

_“Fili?  Fili, wake up.”_

Fili was aware of an intense state of absolute black and he was floating in it.  Better to say, it was all in front of him and he didn’t feel anything.  Nothing.

 

_“Fili, open your eyes.  Please?”_

Kili’s voice calling to him.  It took him a moment, but his eyelids slid open and he was looking at Kili’s very concerned face on his right.  Bilbo was standing behind him.  On his left was a man in a white coat.  A doctor.  He was in a hospital room and he couldn’t move his arms.

 

“Fili, can you hear us?”  The doctor was speaking to him now.  He nodded slowly.  “Fili, I’m going to take off your restraints.  They’re only there to keep you from grabbing things when you wake up.  Do you understand me?  It’s very important that you don’t pull anything out.”

He flexed his hands at them in response and folded his arms across his abdomen.  He was completely tethered to machinery so movement was a moot point.  His body felt oddly detached.  He really just wanted to close his eyes again.  He felt a gentle hand slip into his.  Kili’s hand.

 

“How do you feel?”  Kili’s voice.

 

_“Tired,”_ he croaked out.

 

“Okay, we’re going to let you go back to sleep now.  Someone will be with you and when you wake up we’ll check on you again.”  The doctor this time.  He nodded and closed his eyes. 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

Fili slept through the night, Kili at his side.  Flowers appeared as news of the shooting spread out in the community.  Well-wishers started a GoFundMe to cover expenses.  The Durins drove in from Arizona in the middle of the night and Bilbo got them squared away into a hotel.  The Oaks flew in from Oregon and Gimli got them tucked into a hotel while Legolas met with his father.  

“This woman told Kili she used a private detective to find him and get his unlisted cell number,” Legolas told him as they sat together on uncomfortable vinyl seats in the waiting room.

“One who’s about to lose his license and face some heavy litigation; perhaps some jail time,” Thranduil replied, brows knitted.  “I’m going to make some calls on that account.  How is it this woman was even out on the street if she was supposed to be institutionalized?”

“I don’t know.”  Legolas’ face mirrored his father’s in its seriousness.  “Ori tried making some calls yesterday but no one will release any information on her.”

“I have some contacts up in the Bay Area.  I’ll see what I can do.  Any word yet from the police?”

“No – she’s just disappeared.”

“I have some good investigators that work for me.  I’ll turn them loose and see what they can do.  She’s probably still here somewhere.  Legolas…”  Thranduil leaned forward and took his son’s hands in his.  “I want you to be careful.”

“I am, Adad.  And Gimli watches out for me.”

“I know.  But still, a father worries.”

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

Thorin came straight to the hospital in a rented car and stood sipping burnt coffee with Bilbo.  “We thought this was all over with.  When Lauren was put in the institution she was supposed to be under medical supervision at all times.”

“How bad was the attack up north?”  Bilbo winced as he sipped from the little paper cup.

“She broke into his apartment and slashed his arm open.  It could have been far worse but his roommates heard the sound of breaking glass.  She was completely delusional, believing she and Kili were married.  He even testified for her committal at her hearing because he felt sending her to jail would be wrong.  It was the highlight of a very bad year for all of us.”  Thorin’s words were quiet in the hallway with its low lights and quiet passersby.

“The boys told me what happened in San Francisco,” Bilbo commented.  “Did you know that Fili and Gimli caught up to that young man in West Hollywood?”

“No, what happened.”

“What do you think happened?  Got themselves arrested for assault and battery.  Legolas’ father managed to get the charges reduced to a misdemeanor, which was a minor miracle.  They had to pay a hefty fine and serve community service as it was.”

Thorin snorted.  “He’s just lucky that it wasn’t me or Dis.”

“Evidently this girl saw Kili’s photograph in San Francisco – one of the ones from Fili’s show.  That’s how she knew he was down here.”

“As soon as the hospital administrator is in his office tomorrow I’m going to arrange for private security on Fili’s room,” Thorin told him.  “I already have someone watching the condo.”

“That is a very good idea,” Bilbo opinioned.  “And this is very bad coffee!” 

They both laughed.  “As soon as I know the boys are safe I’ll buy you something proper.  I understand there are some very nice restaurants in town.”

Bilbo tipped his cup and smiled.  “I just happen to know the best one in town…”

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

_“Kili…  Kili…”_

 

Kili blinked the sleep back from his eyes and tried to straighten himself up from where he had fallen asleep.  It was morning and someone had draped a scratchy hospital blanket over him to keep him warm.  He stumbled upright.  _“Bilbo!”_

“It’s alright, sweetheart.”  Bilbo was speaking to him in a quiet voice.  Looking over at the bed Kili could see his other sleeping peacefully, the machines beeping their faithful rhythm.  “Fili’s parents are here and they want to come in for a few minutes.”

Kili nodded and slipped his feet into his sneakers.  “I need coffee.”

“Well there’s a Starbucks in the cafeteria.  Maybe I can persuade someone to make a coffee run.”

Kili yawned so hard he shivered from it.  “Yes, please.”

He checked on Fili one more time to make sure he was okay and slipped out.  Looking down the hall he could see a lot of people in the waiting room, his mother and sister included.  He needed a bathroom before he faced all of that.  Slipping inside he emptied his bladder and splashed cold water on his face.  He got himself straightened up and peeked back into the room where an older couple were standing near Fili’s bedside, watching him sleep.  The man had short white hair, a light blue button-down shirt and a worn pair of jeans.  The woman had a short hairstyle and a white cardigan with flowers across the bottom.  He noticed that in a way they looked like each other, like they belonged to each other.  He with one strong arm around her shoulders, the way she was leaning into him.  They didn’t try to wake Fili or even speak.  It was the first time in over a decade they had seen their son it was in this room where he way laying so terribly hurt.  Kili turned away to give them some privacy. 

 

In the waiting room he was tackled by his mother and sister, both of whom seemed to feel it necessary to inspect him right there, despite his assurances that he was fine.  “No, Mom, I’m okay, really.”

“I just want to make sure.”  His mother smoothed his hair.  “They let us look in when you were sleeping but we couldn’t go inside.”

“I’m sorry I worried you.”  He squeezed her shoulders tightly.

“We’ve been sitting out here with Fili’s family,” Eowyn told him.  “His parents went in last night but you were both completely out.”

A pair of tall men stood up from where they had been sitting on the bench seats.  The younger, a blond who looked tired but friendly reached out to shake his hand.  “Faramir Durin.”

Kili took his hand.  “Good to meet you.  Kili Oaks, but I guess you know that already.”  He turned to the older of the two.  “Hi, I’m…”

“I know who you are.”  The other man was scowling at him. 

“Boromir, don’t be an ass.  Not here.”  Faramir pushed at his shoulder.

Boromir turned to avoid him.  “I can be all the ass I want to be.  This punk got our brother shot and now he’s lying in there in a hospital bed.”

_“Wait, aren’t you the brother that outed him to your parents?”_ Kili hissed, the story coming back to him.  “You _are_ an ass!”

“Kili!”  His mother gripped her impulsive son’s arm.

“No, tell me how much he meant to you that he had to _leave the fucking state to get away from you!”_

Suddenly there was scuffling as Faramir was pushing his brother in one direction and Eowyn was pushing hers in another.

_“Stop that!  Both of you!”_ Dis put her foot down.  _“Enough!  You’re going to get us all thrown out of here!”_

“Fine.”

“Fine!”

Kili and Boromir eyed each other warily for a few moments until Kili turned and headed towards the door.  “I’m going to get a cup of coffee.”

 

 

Bilbo had said something about a Starbucks in the cafeteria.  He didn't know where that was but he would ask somebody wearing scrubs – they would know where the good coffee was.  Mostly he just wanted to walk because he was angry.  And he wanted Fili.  This was not how he had intended on meeting Fili’s parents.  This was certainly not how Fili should be coming together with his family.  He especially wanted to get back in case Fili woke up so he followed a sign painted on the wall directing him forwards, lost in his own spiraling thoughts.

In front of him a nurse with a blond ponytail and light blue scrubs was standing with her back to him, looking down at a sheet of paper in her hands.  “Excuse me, do you know if the Starbucks is open yet?” 

She turned to look at him, shocked surprise written across her face.  _“Kili!”_

He shifted up, his spine snapping to attention as he skidded to a halt.  _“No!  Oh no!”_

_“I’m sorry!  I’m sorry!  You have to let me explain.”_ She’s dressed in scrubs and a blond wig – no, she’s dyed her hair blond and she’s begging Kili to hear her out.  _“I didn't mean to hurt anybody!”_

Kili reaches into his pocket and realizes he’s left his phone on the table beside Fili’s bed.  “Lauren…”  He doesn't even know what to say. 

 

_“I’m really sorry for what happened earlier, but don’t you see?  He made me do it.  I was just protecting you Kili.”_

“Security!  I need security!”  Kili was yelling.  “Somebody call security!”

_“I just wanted you to hear me out but you wouldn’t listen to me!”_ She lunged forward, trying to reach him and the evade and escape exercises Fili had drilled into him snapped into play.  Turning sideways he grabbed her right arm as it went past him.  She had been his dance partner and he knew just where her center of balance was.  Twisting her off-kilter he managed to wrestle her to the floor, a hand on each arm. 

 

She was screaming, screaming for help, screaming with outrage.  People were running.  There were hands pulling him backwards. 

 

“No!  Stop!” he yelled.  “She’s a psyche patient and she’s off her meds!”

 

_“He’s lying!  Help me!  Please!”_

“She doesn’t work here!”  Kili yelled.  “She’s the woman who shot Fili Durin!”

 

She bent _up_ and shoved him violently upwards.  _“Let me go!  Let me go!”_   And then someone strong had ahold of her arm and was forcing something silver from it.  A small surgical scalpel clattered to the floor.

 

“This is the woman who shot my brother,” Boromir helped Kili to hold her.

 

_“I’m sorry!  I… please!  I promise I won’t do it again!”_ The corridor was full of nurses and orderlies.  Someone brought a gurney and they forced her onto it while security guards finally came running. 

 

_“Oh my God!  Oh my God!  How long has she been here?”_ Kili wanted to vomit.  The thought that she had been in the same building with everyone he loved and they had no idea made him feel weak.

Boromir put a hand on his shoulder.  “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Kili nodded.  “Thank you.”

“Let’s go back and make sure everyone else is,” Boromir suggested.  Kili patted him on the back and they walked back towards the waiting room.  “My brother was making me come apologize to you for being a jerk.  Was she… was she like this when…?”

“Yeah,” Kili answered.  “She didn’t even know… she thought Fili was someone else.  _Fuck!_   I was scared.”

“Nice takedown, though.”

“Thanks.  Your brother taught me that.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.  He’s a great guy.  You’d like him.”

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

Doctor Oin joined them in the waiting room.  Fili was awake and talking privately with his parents.  Kili sat on the orange vinyl seats with his mother and now a whole host of family and well-wishers.  “I cannot tell you how upset I am that woman managed to get into this hospital.”  He frowned.  “In a place as large as this it’s easy to mistake someone for one of the staff you haven’t met yet, but still…”

“Where is she now?” asked Dis.

“She’s in custody and on her way to a secure psychiatric facility where she can be evaluated and placed back on her meds.”  That was Bard – now Detective Girionson – a friend of the group and drinking buddy of Fili’s.  He pulled Kili aside.  “We found her car in the parking lot and in a few minutes I’m going over to gather evidence at the hotel room she was staying at.  Kili, she had zip ties and a syringe in her pocket.  It’s my belief she was intending to kill one or both of you.”

“Oh, God,” Kili gripped his knees as he bent over.  “How did she even… I mean, she’s supposed to be institutionalized!”

“Her parents petitioned the court to allow her furlough at home as long as they supervised her medications,” Bard answered.  “They never even reported her missing.”

Kili pinched the bridge of his nose.  “Of course not.  They never did watch over her.”  He patted Bard on the shoulder.  “Thanks.  Thank you.  Um, I’m going to look in on Fili.  Just let us know what happens, okay?”

“No problem.  I’m just glad you’re okay.”  Bard patted him on the back and said his goodbyes as he left the hospital.

 

Kili peeked into the door of Fili’s room.  His parents were there, talking softly, Fili’s mother sitting in the chair that Fili had vacated that morning.  Fili saw him looking in.  _“Hey!”_

His parents turned to look at him.  Their faces were kind, worry lines crossing their foreheads.  Kili hesitated.  “Can I come in?”

“Of course you can.”  Fili’s mother stood and walked towards him.  “You must be Killian.” 

He nodded, laughing softly at his formal name.  “I am.  Most people just call me Kili for short.”

“I’m Ruth,” she took his hand gently.  “Bilbo wrote to tell us that Phillip had found somebody very special.”

Kili blushed and ducked his head.  “I… thank you.”

His father stepped forward and offered his hand.  “Call me Bart.  It’s good to meet you.”

Kili shook his hand.  “I’m very glad to meet you both.  I wish it had been under better circumstances.”

“Is there any news about the girl who did this?” Ruth asked.

“Yes, that’s what I came to tell you.  Police have her in custody and she’s being sent to a psyche hospital for evaluation.  She had been on a visit home to her parents and stopped taking her medication.”  He looked at Fili, wanting to say more, but not in front of his parents.

Ruth sat back down.  “Oh, thank God.”

“We drove all night to get here,” said Bart.  “The boys and us.  This was not news any parent wants to get.”

“Well,” Ruth reached out to squeeze her son’s hand.  “We’ve all been apart for too long.  It’s time this family came back together.”

Kili looked up at Fili and saw he was smiling happily.  “Yeah, it is.”

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

Out in the waiting room Faramir turned to Eowyn.  “I’m glad they’re both safe now.”

She smiled in agreement.  “We haven’t slept since we got the phone call.  What a nightmare.”

“You sound like you could use a cup of decent coffee,” he smiled back.

“I’d kill for a decent cup of coffee.  Have you tasted what comes out of that vending machine?”

“Cousin Bilbo said the Starbucks in the cafeteria was _passable._ That’s a compliment coming from him.  Can I buy you a cup?”

She smiled and he felt himself warming to it.  “That sounds wonderful.”

 

 

 

 

 

Her eyes and words are so icy  
Oh but she burns  
Like rum on the fire  
Hot and fast and angry  
As she can be  
I walk my days on a wire  
  
It looks ugly, but it's clean  
Oh mamma, don't fuss over me  
  
  
The way she tells me I'm hers and she is mine  
Open hand or closed fist would be fine  
The blood is rare and sweet as cherry wine

 

 

 

 

Hozier - Cherry Wine

http://youtu.be/EtRIz7VocNs

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I make no excuses for my Easter Eggs in this story - they were just too good to pass up. 
> 
> Just one more chapter to go and then side stories! Yay!


	15. "Time Heals"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In time all things must heal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter Fili confronts some things he thought he had left behind ten years ago and Kili has an important decision to make.

 

 

 

 

 

****

** “Ocean Blvd” **

 

 

 

 

**_“Time Heals”_ **

****

****

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ruth and Bart decided that they would stay on for a few weeks while their youngest son was still in the hospital; Thorin, Dis, Eowyn, Boromir and Faramir would be returning to their respective homes and jobs.  They gathered together in the private room at _Bombur’s_ for one big meal all together.  Kili fretted at leaving Fili by himself even for a few hours but he insisted.  “It’s important you be there,” Fili gave his hand a squeeze.  “I’m just going to press my morphine button and sleep.”

Kili stayed as long as he could, gently smoothing down the blankets and turning the lights down as his lover fell asleep in the comfortable bed.  He had a lot of time for fussing, with Fili graciously playing helpless to his loving ministrations while he gently fussed over his bedding and pillows, carefully washed his face and hands with a cool washcloth and helped him get to the bathroom without getting tangled up in all his lines.  The staff had brought a cot in for him to sleep on and at night Ruth would sit by the bed and watch them both sleep – her injured son and the young man who was taking devoted care of him.  She watched how he carefully set up her son’s meal trays and made sure he ate.  She watched as he took down notes so Fili could dictate what to do with the photo assignments he still had sitting on his computer at home.  She watched as he sat by the bedside of her so-injured child and just watched him sleep, their hands clasped together until he also started to nod-off in the chair and her heart came to a decision.

“I think,” she spoke softly to her husband in the quiet of the waiting area, “that young man loves our son very much, Bart.”

“I’m not going to pretend to understand it,” he answered.  There was no malice there, just difficulty. 

“It’s been ten years without him.  All the things we were afraid of, they didn’t come true.  Maybe it’s not for us to understand.”

Her husband squeezed her hand as he frowned.  “We have always believed it’s wrong.  Always been told it’s wrong.  They used to lock people away.”

“Well, perhaps they were the ones who were wrong,” she argued.  “Maybe we were wrong.  I just know that I want my son back, and if Killian’s part of that package, would that be so bad?”

“I’ll think about it.  Pray about it.”  He patted her hand.

She smiled.  She knew that when he said “think about it” he meant “yes”, but he just wasn’t ready to come out and admit it yet.  “You do that.”

 

 

Dinner at _Bombur’s_ was a warm and happy affair.  They all gathered around the table in the outrageously-decorated private room and shared a lavish family-style Italian dinner while people drifted in to offer good wishes and encouragement.  Kili, Ori, Thorin and Bilbo were in attendance, as were Legolas and Gimli, the former having marshalled the latter into a respectable outfit for the benefit of all those present.  Bombur and his wife Mirra were in and out, serving the room themselves, while Bofur and Bifur stopped by to say hello.  Several of the local residents peeked in - Ori having let them know ahead of time that Fili’s _very conservative_ family was in residence, they dressed as conservatively as they could manage.  As it was they shook hands with the remainder of the _Long Coxmen_ and Boromir unknowingly chatted up one of the local Queens.

“If you’re going to be staying I insist that you come stay with me,” Bilbo told Fili’s parents.  “I have plenty of room and I want to show you around as much as I can while you are here.” 

Ruth politely inquired about Legolas and Gimli.  “Well, I teach dance out of my studio and Gimli makes custom-built motorcycles,” Legolas replied.

“Really?” Boromir perked up.

“Here we go,” laughed Faramir.

“I have an old Indian 841 I’ve been restoring in my garage.”  Boromir pulled out his phone and swiped across the surface. 

“Nice!  Looks like original paint,” Gimli leaned over to look. 

“Well, we’ve lost him,” Legolas declared.  “He’ll be useless for the rest of the evening.”

Ori graciously spoke of Dwalin, of their time together and what being married meant to both of them, about Frerin’s Legacy and Dwalin’s passing and Bart looked on with an understanding heart.  Kili spoke of his studies at the university and his desire to help young people and families in transition.  He spoke about meeting Fili for the first time and about Fili’s gallery opening in Los Angeles.

“Bilbo has always sent us copies of Philip’s photography,” Ruth commented.

“Mom has them all over the house,” Faramir put in.

“We should go up and see the gallery,” said Bilbo.  “You’d be very proud of your son’s work.”

“We always have been.”  Bart took a sip of his ice tea.  “Proud of all our sons.”

Dis broke in.  “Ruth, did you say you have grandchildren?”

 _“Mom,”_ Eowyn looked around the table for help. 

“We have two grandsons, Merry and Pippin.  Boromir married right out of high school but Faramir’s a little late coming to the table,” answered Ruth.

“What did I do now?” quipped Faramir.

“A granddaughter isn’t so much to ask, you know.”

“Oh, I’d love to have a little girl to dress up in outfits and have tea parties with!”

“Yeah, Wyn,” Kili looked at his sister.  “What’s the hold-up?”

Eowyn quickly jumped to her own defense.  “Neil Patrick Harris and his husband have _two_ babies.  A boy _and_ a girl!”

_“Oh, I always loved his show!”_

And so the evening wound down with food eaten and stories told and photos and address shared.  Dis and Ruth became Facebook friends and Gimli promised to send Boromir some parts he could use on the Indian and Bilbo made plans to keep Fili’s parents to the more touristy areas of the South Bay.  Eventually Kili excused himself to go back to the hospital and check on Fili even though he knew he would still be asleep.  Bart shook his hand and Ruth hugged him on the way out the door.

 

 

Back at the room he was surprised to find Fili awake and watching television.  “Why didn’t you text me?  I would have come back.”

Fili smiled – a little hazy.  “Did you have a good time?”

“Yeah, your family is pretty cool.  Everyone got along.  Your brother hit on one of the Queens.”

“Did anyone tell him?”

“Nooo…..  He and Gimli are going to rebuild a motorcycle.”  He sat in the chair next to the bed and pulled up the tray table.  “Bombur sent some food for you.”

“Let me see.”  Fili watched as Kili opened the containers for him.  “Oh, yes….  Bombur’s lasagna!” 

Kili patiently fed him lasagna and garlic bread and held his water cup.  The pain meds were still making Fili loopy.  “I have to say I’m almost enjoying all this pampering.”

“Almost?”

“Yeah, okay, I am really enjoying it.”

Kili carefully brushed some crumbs off the coverlet.  “You know, I wasn’t sure what to think about your family being here.”

“Oh?”

“I mean – of course they’d come when they found out you’d been hurt.”  Kili dished up some more lasagna.  “This just wasn’t how I pictured meeting them.”

“How did you picture it?”

“I didn’t really.  You haven’t been home in a long time.”

Fili thought about that.  “Maybe things have changed in ten years.  I know I have.”

“Really?”

“Well, yeah, I’m not so much of a jerk as I used to be.”

Kili’s hand paused over the desert container.  “I can’t ever see you that way.”

“I left Arizona with a huge chip on my shoulder.  I used to pick fights, be angry all the time.”

“So what changed?  I mean, you’re not that way now.”  Kili took the lid off the last container, revealing chocolate cheesecake covered with raspberries and drizzled in caramel sauce.

“Oh my God!” Fili exclaimed.  “Here – just put the container up to my face.”

Kili laughed.  “Sit back, let me help you.”

Fili mused in silence as he slowly chewed the first bite.  “I think it’s safe to say I had a lot of growing up to do.  I was really determined to be angry forever at my parents.  I was really angry at their pastor, he was such a homophobic bastard.  I was mad at Boromir for outing me, mad at Faramir for not standing up for me.  I really just wanted to punch everyone in the face.”

Kili spooned up another bite of cheesecake.  “I don’t think I would have liked you much then.”

 _“Mghft…”_ Fili swallowed.  “Maybe it was coming out here.  Bilbo suggested I pursue my photography.  I went back into the dojo.  Both of those things require a level of thoughtfulness and discipline that doesn’t leave a lot of room for anger.  And things look different now that I’m on this side of paying my own way.  I saw that my parents were really afraid for me.”

“They had good reason to be.”  Kili rubbed his hand gently over Fili’s.  “It’s not safe being us.”

Fili snorted.  “I think I was the only gay person my parents knew outside of Bilbo.  All they knew was what they saw on the news and heard at church.”  He frowned in concentration.  “We should ask Ori if Balin Fundin is still up at the Wayfarer’s.”

They were silent for a while as Fili finished eating.  When he was done Kili warmed a washcloth and gently wiped his face.  “You know what I think?”

“I always want to know what you think.”

“I think I should find a sexy nurse outfit to dress up in when you come home.”

Fili lay back against his pillow and beamed a radiant smile at his other.  “Baby I love you so much!”

“I also think you need a shave.”

“You don’t like me with a beard?”

“We’ll see…”

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

Bilbo, Kili and Ori kept up a careful rotation around Fili’s parents and the hospital.  Bilbo made sure they got to the hospital every day and had time with their son while he was awake and able to talk clearly.  Ruth had brought her iPad and they sat flicking through pictures of his two curly-haired nephews who were growing up without knowing him, the family camping trips he had missed, the birthday and Christmas parties he hadn’t attended.  Kili brought Fili his iPad and together they looked at his photography.  Ruth liked the pics of Fili and Kili dressed in suits for their first wedding date.  _“Look at you two.  Such handsome gentlemen.”_   He even showed them his photographs of Kili and Legolas dancing and was surprised by his father’s approval.  _“I guess you have to have a lot of strength to do that.”_

“They get hurt a lot,” Fili replied.  “Kili had to have orthoscopic surgery on his knee and Legolas had to have surgery on his ankle.  It’s a lot more athletic than I realized until I saw Kili lift Legolas over his head.”

They scrolled past some pictures of King Trivia and the first pictures he had ever taken of Kili and came to rest on a picture of Dwalin and Ori.  “Is that Ori’s husband?” Ruth asked.

“Yeah,” Fili answered.  “Dwalin passed away before Kili had a chance to meet him.  But his brother is still here.  He’s a minister here in the South Bay areas.  He officiated at their wedding.  I think he’s over at the Wayfarer’s Chapel right now.”

“Bilbo mentioned that to us,” Ruth replied.  “Maybe we’ll get a chance to meet him.”

“You’ll like him; he’s great.”

And so Fili was given the opportunity to do what so many wayward sons never do – to reestablish connections with his family, to forgive past transgressions and to be forgiven of his in turn.  There were awkward moments when the three of them tiptoed carefully around the topic of relationships and living arrangements and what the future held and there were loving moments as Ruth spoke of grandbabies and of having Bart in her hair now that he was retired.  They spoke of the RV they had bought and tootled around the state in and Fili talked about maybe driving up to Oregon to see where Kili had grown up and maybe even making the trip out to Arizona because that wasn’t really a long drive, now was it?

And the wound healed and Dr. Groinson came and went and every afternoon Ori would come visit and sometimes bring Stanly and Tricky-Woo, much to Ruth’s delight, and every evening Kili was there to help with dinner and bathing and to sleep on the cot so they wouldn’t be parted and it was not lost on Fili’s parents, this tender state of devotion, the obvious bonds of love, and not being hard-hearted people it changed much in their opinion of their youngest son.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Out on the Palos Verdes Peninsula, on the edge of the west, stands a little church made of glass and stone, surrounded by tall trees and blue sky and the sea.  It is a place of singular peace and contemplation.  A place for weddings, a turn-in for travelers, a non-denominational service where all are welcome. 

On a beautiful day Bilbo drove Fili’s parents around the winding coastline and up the little drive to meet Balin Fundin.  He wandered the property taking photos of the gardens while Ruth and Bart Durin sat and spoke quietly with Rev. Fundin about family and marriage and the nature of love and forgiveness.

“It always wore heavily on me that our parents could never bring themselves to accept my brother as he was.”  They sat in the small wooden pews while the ravens played in the redwood branches just outside.  “They wanted him to choose between being the man he was and being the son they expected him to be.  And Dwalin tried, he really did, but it was just not meant to be.

“When he met Frerin it was clear to all of us who knew him that was it.  They would be married and build a life together and they did.  Our parents are not particularly religious people, they were just disappointed; ashamed of their son.  And when Dwalin revealed to us that he was HIV-positive they took it as a confirmation of that shame.  They refused to come to his wedding to Frerin or to Ori and when he passed on they refused to say goodbye.

“This chapel was one of his favorite places.”  Balin looked up to the round window.  “I like to come here when I want to feel close to him.  _A place of peace and light_ , he called it.”

 

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Eventually the incision healed and stiches were removed and now all that was left was for bones to knit.  Fili’s arm was tethered in place by a special sling with a cuff to keep his arm in a position to allow gravity to pull the damaged bones into place and Kili and Ori were given instructions on care and he was finally able to go home to the condo.  Ruth and Bart were there with him the first time he navigated the stairs from the garage, a trip made longer by the pain meds.  He stopped for a breather on the sofa and sat talking with Bart about renovation projects he and Dwalin had worked on together.

“We refinished all the hardwood floors, replaced the windows and the sliding glass door.  The kitchen’s a little dated but Ori likes it.  I think the bathrooms need doing but that’s a pretty big job.”

“Well you did a good job on these floors,” Bart commented.  “A lot of people dig-in the sander around the corners and gouge the wood.”

“I worked a lot of construction when I first moved out here,” Fili replied.  “Had a floor buffer run away with me once.”

Ruth sat in the big chair and scooped the big orange cat into her lap.  “What a pretty cat!”

“Oh, be careful,” Fili tried to wave her off.  “That cat doesn’t like anybody!”

“Nonsense!”  Ruth gave the contrary animal an experienced scratching under the cheek, eliciting a deep, rumbling purr.  “You’re just doing it wrong.”

“That cat hates me.”

“Well maybe that’s why he doesn’t respond well to you.  He knows you don’t like him.”  The cat was now rubbing his head against her for more attention.

“He tries to kill me in my sleep.”

_“Oh, you’re a good boy, aren’t you?”_

“He was Dwalin’s therapy cat,” Ori walked by carrying Fili’s bag of supplies from the car.  “They used to sit out in the sun on the balcony when he didn’t feel well.  I think he misses him.”

“I turned the bed down and got your pajamas out,” Kili came out of the bedroom with a throw for Fili’s lap.  “Whenever you feel tired I’ll help you get into bed.”

“Do you want some warm milk?” Bilbo called from the kitchen.  “It will help you to sleep.  I need to get in here and stock you up on better food than this.  Honestly!”

“I think I want my pain meds.”  Fili suddenly looked tired. 

“You already had some,” Ori checked his schedule.  “You’ll have to make do with warm milk and a bedtime story.”

Fili smiled.  Looking around the room at his assembled family he realized that there had been something he did not know was missing.  This odd, normal, random pattern of people fitting in around each other.  His mother’s warmth, his father’s approval, Bilbo’s fussing, Ori’s care and Kili’s single state of devotion.  They all orbited about him in this dance that said _‘Here you are safe. Here you are wanted.’_ And he knew in his heart that he didn’t want it to go away now that he had found it again.

“Fili? Fee?”

Fili raised his head from where it had dropped down onto his chest.  “Hmm?”

Kili gently rubbed his back.  “You fell asleep.  Why don’t we get you into bed?”

“Kay.”  He allowed Kili to gently leverage him up off the sofa and steer him into the bedroom where he got him into pajamas and carefully tucked him in after making sure his arm was in the right position.

“Kili?”

“Hmm?”

“I don’t…”

Kili gently pushed his hair away from his face.  “What is it baby?”

“I’m happy.  You know, with everybody here.  And you.”  His good hand reached out to touch his lover.  “I’m happy with you.”

Kili leaned forward to nuzzle him.  “Me too.”

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

**_Christmas, that year…_ **

 

“I always thought Arizona was a desert.”

“It is.”

“This isn’t desert.”

“Only the lower parts.  There are mountains and forests, just like California.  It’s just that all the really cool stuff is in the desert-y parts.”

“Ah…”

Fili and Kili chatted about Arizona and the natural wonders of the southwest as their SUV rumbled along the road ten years gone under Fili’s boots that he had sworn he would never walk again and now he would have not have had the fortitude to do it except for the man who sat in the set next to him.  Well, the man who was sitting in the next seat trying to refold a large paper map upon which he had been tracking their progress as they drove through the state.

“We have a GPS you know.”

“GPS is highly unreliable in wilderness areas.”

“We’re on the main highway.  Besides, it’s not like I don’t remember the way.”

“What if the roads have changed in ten years?” Kili persisted.  “I like marking off all the places we’ve been.”

“All of the Denny’s?”

“They have pancakes!  This makes it more of an adventure.”

Fili laughed.  “How are you on camping?”

“Are you kidding?”  Kili became very animated.  “I grew up in Oregon!  I used to camp all summer with my Dad!”

“Well, I will have you know this is a land of great natural wonder.  Meteor Crater, The Grand Canyon, Sedona – we really could come back here every year and not do the same thing twice.”

“I’d like that!”  Kili enthusiastically looked over the list of _“Places To See”_ on the map.  “How long until we get there?”

“Awhile.”

“Awhile-awhile?”

“Awhile-awhile.  Why?”

“I have to pee.”

Fili laughed.  “You have the smallest bladder of any man I know!”

“No!”  Kili objected.  “Denny’s coffee…!”

 

 

 

 

 

The house was smaller than he remembered it.  The trees had grown larger.  The street was much the same.  As they parked and stretched their legs he noticed the outside needed a little paint and he also thought that he might want to get up and check that roof out, make sure the flashing was secure over the top, replace a shingle here and there.  He took a step forward and walked back ten years to a day he had thrown his bag in his truck and kicked up dust - a quick stop in Phoenix to stay goodbye to Faramir and then a beeline for California. 

“You okay?” Kili’s cheerful voice broke his thoughts.

He took a deep breath.  _I’m not that person anymore – and neither are they._   “Yeah,” he stretched his shoulder.  “Long drive, that’s all.”

His mother’s voice sounded from the front room.  _“Bart – they boys are here!”_

Kili laughed as he pulled their bags out of the back of the SUV.  “Hi Mrs. Durin!”

“Oh, please call me Ruth, dear.”  Fili’s mother was the first one out the door to embrace her son.  _“Welcome home.”_

Unexpected tears sprang up in Fili’s eyes as he wrapped his arms around her.  _“Hi Mom!”_

“How was the drive out?” Bart asked Kili as they carried the bags inside.

“Good, lots of coffee on the way.”

Two little boys came thundering out from the kitchen.  They had curly brown hair faces like little cherubs.  “Grandpa… Oh, oops!  Hi!”

“Hi!” Kili laughed.  “Let me guess, Merry and Pippin!”

“How did you know?!”  The boys became very excited.

“This is Mr. Oaks,” Bart introduced him.  “This is one Merry and this one is Pippin.”

Kili shook hands with both of them.  “I’m very glad to meet the both of you.”

“Boromir and Faramir are at the store picking up some groceries,” Bart set Fili’s bag down.  “Let me ask Ruth where she wants to put you.”

“Killian, you can take Boromir’s old room.”  Ruth and Fili walked in through the front door.  “Philip, I’ll make up the sofa for you in here.”

“I get the sofa?” asked Fili. 

“I would put you in your old room but I made it into my sewing room.”

_“Sewing room?”_

Kili set his bag down in the spare bedroom.  “There are two beds in here.”

“Yeah, I can just take Faramir’s bed.” Fili suggested.

“Philip Durin!” Ruth put her foot down.  “I don’t know how things are in California, but there has never been an unmarried couple sleeping together under this roof and I’m not about to start now.  It is legal to get married now, you know.”

Kili immediately dissolved into laughter as Fili was forced to bow his head in defeat.  In the end Kili volunteered to take the sofa because of Fili’s shoulder and they got things situated while Boromir and Faramir returned with groceries.  “I think we bought half the store!” 

Boromir’s wife Shannon joined them when she got off work and Merry and Pippin started a game of football in the backyard.  “Don’t you hurt your brother’s shoulder!” Ruth admonished them, which was cue for the two older siblings to ratchet up the game.  Dinner was cooked and eaten, Kili delivered a box of motorcycle parts sent by Gimli and Fili impressed Merry and Pippin by breaking pine scrap boards from Bart’s workroom in the garage. 

Evening found Fili and Kili sitting alone in the porch swing, watching the sky color as the sun went down.  Fili gently squeezed Kili’s hand.  “Thank you for coming with me.”

“Why wouldn’t I?  You came to Oregon with me.”

Fili ran his thumb over his other’s hand.  “It’s just that… well, this was such a loaded trip for me.  You know?”

“Yeah.”  Kili turned to look at him.  Further conversation was interrupted by the sound of little voices trying to whisper somewhere near them.  “I think we have company.”

They looked around, Kili spotting tousled hair peeking up over one of the porch edges.  “Hey you two!  Want to swing with us?”

Merry and Pippin popped up.  “Yes!  Yeah!”  They scooted apart and let the boys sit between them, their little feet swinging off the cushion.

“So, um, Uncle Philip,” Merry begin, looking awkward.  “Um…”

“Yes?”

“Um, we, um…”  Pippin started to giggle into his hands.

“Is there something you want to ask us?” Fili replied.

“Maybe if you whisper it,” Kili suggested, at which Pippin got up on his knees and whispered something in Kili’s ear.

“Oh, well the answer to that is yes.”

“But do you, you know?” asked Merry.

“Do we…?

“Do you kiss?”

Fili took a deep breath.  This was not ground he wanted to cover with his young nephews.  “We do,” answered Kili.  “But not in front of you,” he added. 

“Thank you,” Fili replied.

“Good,” said Pippin.  “Kissing’s gross!”

“Don’t your mom and dad kiss?” asked Kili.  “They made you and that’s not gross.”

“Ewww!  Ugh!”  The boys made their opinion on kissing very clear, parental and otherwise.

“Are you and Uncle Philip getting married?” Pippin blurted out.

“Oh, well, um…”  Both Fili and Kili were broadsided by the boy’s frank question. 

“Grandma Ruth says you are,” Merry whispered.

“Oh, did she?”  Kili laughed.

“I think that’s something Kili and I need to talk about – in private,” Fili gave him a meaningful look.

After that they were quiet, just the cool air and sounds of crickets and nightbirds spiraling up around them.  The stars rose, the moon came chasing after them and the universe marched along above two hearts who had very many things to think about.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

**_Two Years Later…_ **

****

****

Another wedding, another reception with dancing, this time both Fili and Kili were groomsmen in rented black tuxes and rose boutonnieres.  They spent much of the reception dancing with the guests, dancing with friends and both made a point of finding dance partners from the widow’s table.  Later they found their way to the hotel’s club with Gimli, Legolas, Ori and some of their closer friends.  Fili tipped the band to play some slow songs so he and Kili could dance together.  He would never be the dancer that Kili or Legolas were, but his partner didn’t seem to mind. 

“This reminds me of our first wedding dance,” Kili said as they slowly waltzed past Gimli, Legolas and Ori.

“It does.”

“Remember how you asked me to be your thing?”

Fili smiled.  “And Gimli told us to kiss already?”

“Yeah.”

“I love you Kili.  I can’t imagine going through this life without you.”

Kili leaned his forehead down to touch his other’s.  “Luv too.”

“So,” Fili kicked himself for hesitating.  “Do you think you could see your way through to staying with me?  You know, forever?”

Kili stopped and looked him in the eye.  Over his shoulder Ori, Gimli and Legolas were watching them intently.  “It sounds like you’re proposing.”

Fili stopped breathing.

“Are you…”  Kili looked at him.

Fili took a step back, folded one knee and pulled a small box from his pocket.  Carefully opening the lid he revealed a simple band of gold.  “I am – if you’ll have me.”

Suddenly the room got very quiet and Kili realized everyone was looking at them expectantly.  Looking over at their friends he saw they were holding their phones up while Ori whispered, _“Say yes!”_

 _“Oh my God!  Yes!”_ Tears started to flow as he held his left hand out for Fili to slide the ring on.  The room erupted into applause and Kili hid his face on Fili’s shoulder. 

“I think we’re going to be heading home early,” Fili told Ori.  “We have some things to talk about.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When, my, time comes around  
Lay me gently in the cold dark earth  
No grave can hold my body down  
I'll crawl home to her

 

When, my, time comes around  
Lay me gently in the cold dark earth  
No grave can hold my body down  
I'll crawl home to her

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*Hozier – “Work Song” 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now we come to the end - of the main story at least. More side stories to come but for now I need to work on commissions and I will be changing gears to update 'A Long & Quiet Darkness'.
> 
> Thank you so much for staying with me! 
> 
> As always, comments are meat and bread to a writer's soul. I can be reached here and at http://withywindlesdaughter.tumblr.com/
> 
> Namaste

**Author's Note:**

> *”Angel” – Jimi Hendrix  
> http://youtu.be/FmmujhgZh9Q


End file.
